Baby, Even The Losers Get Lucky Sometimes

CJ Watson: The play called for me to inbound the ball to Luol and get it back. I kind of stopped listening to Thibs in the huddle after that. Once I heard the ball was going to be in my hands I was good. My play, my time. The other guys didn't know it yet, but there was no way they were seeing the ball.

Luol Deng: Thibs drew up a nice little play in the huddle to get me rolling to the basket, with an option for an open jumper for either Kyle or Luke. CJ was to inbound the ball to me around the three point line and then come around to receive it back. Then it was my job to roll to the basket. If I was open, CJ would hit me. If not, it was up to him to create off the dribble. I thought it was pretty curious to hear "CJ" and "create" in the same sentence, but I trusted Thibs' vision.

Carlos Boozer: Thibs is a great dude, man. His reputation as a hard ass couldn't be further from the truth. He loves all of his players, especially me. He just has a weird way of showing it. Like, for instance, he barely acknowledges I exist during a timeout. He'll glance at me real quick and then start swearing under his breath. [laughs] My job was basically to set a down screen for Kyle and then try not to get in the way. 'Think of yourself as a highly paid decoy' Thibs said. He's a funny guy.

Kyle Korver: I don't like the ball in these crunch time situations. I get nervous and my hands start to clam up. When my hands start to clam up, it's hard to get a good feel for the ball. Anyway, I saw CJ start to trend to his right, kind of getting himself into a tough situation. I ran from the corner up to the top of the key. I kept thinking 'Please don't give me the ball. Please don't give me the ball. Please don't give me the ball.' My hands felt like I'd dunked them in a tub of ice water and then I remembered it was CJ handling the ball. There was no way he was going to pass it to me, or anyone, for that matter. I was able to calm down and get myself together after that.

John Lucas III: I wanted the ball in my hands. I always do. I'm John Lucas. Why shouldn't I want the ball with the game on the line? Thibs relegated my to the baseline and gave CJ the opportunity to make a play, which is pretty shitty if you ask me. I've been in this league long enough to know that if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. If you're intent on taking a shot, you damn well better put it up when the ball is in your hands. There was a chance I would get a look, but with CJ making the decision, I knew the ball wasn't coming my way. I would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes so I can't really blame him.

CJ Watson: James Johnson switched on to me and I liked that match up. To tell you the truth, I hate the guy. He was always playing pranks with our toothbrushes on road trips last year. He's a real asshole. He's always jacked up to play us and was treating this game like Game 7 of the NBA Finals. I wanted to beat him with a nice crossover. I knew I could.

Luol Deng: Jose [Calderon] switched on to me when JJ picked up CJ. That turned out to be a pretty big development.

Carlos Boozer: I'm not eating without hot sauce.

Kyle Korver: I watched CJ attempt a fadeaway over JJ, who is like, five or six inches taller than him. I knew it wasn't going to end well. I even removed my mouthpiece thinking the game was over. 'We just lost to the Toronto Raptors,' I thought. 'Ain't that some shit.'

John Lucas III: CJ put that shot up and I couldn't believe he didn't float it more. I know he's a bit taller than I am, but c'mon man. You gotta throw that thing way up there and give it a chance. Come to think, if that was me, we would have lost the game. I would have at least hit the rim. John Lucas has never airballed a shot. [Editor's Note: CJ Watson's shot was partially blocked by James Johnson]

Coach Thibs:  GUAH WOOF RATATA AJFDLGHAOD AHDOAHDG GHAOGHAIJIAJDNCVAHE 

Luol Deng: God bless Jose Calderon. I have no idea what he was thinking. For some reason, he decided to jump backwards at put his hand up for the block like that was going to make a difference. He left me all alone to corral the rebound and I just let it go as fast as I could. I didn't even know if I got it off in time.

Kyle Korver: Pure elation. It's nice to get a win when you've already resigned yourself to a loss.

Carlos Boozer: You've seen me play. I enjoy celebrating athletic exploits whether I've taken part in them or not. I just started yelling 'Dunk that shit' because it felt right. I knew it didn't apply in that situation, but it still felt right.

John Lucas III: I found Luol and jumped on his shoulders. He didn't even feel me there, I don't think.

CJ Watson: I was extremely pleased with the way I was able to create and get our team the victory.

Coach Thibs: I spent our off days locked in a Motel 6 with nothing but a 2 liter bottle of mineral water and a large bag of Smartfood popcorn. Lesson learned. I won't be drawing up out-of-bounds plays in that sort of environment ever again.

Scott Skiles' Twisted Abode

SKILES: WELCOME TO THE FIERY PITS!! STONES HOT ENOUGH TO BURN A HOLE THROUGH BOGEY'S SURGICALLY REPAIRED ANKLE!! THIS IS WHERE I CALL HOME!!

THIBS: Well I'll be...Milwaukee was never much, but it sure has went to shit recently.

SKILES: MILWAUKEE? NO, TOMMY!! THIS IS HELL!! STONES HOT ENOUGH TO GRILL YOUR OFT-INJURED CENTER OVER!!

THIBS surveys the area. He admires each worker's efficiency. They all appear to have specific tasks, odd jobs -- so to speak; all of which they are executing to perfection.  

THIBS: I've never seen an operation run so smoothly.

SKILES: THE GUYS DOWN HERE KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT WORK ETHIC. THEIR SPIRITS HAVE BEEN BROKEN. THEY PUT THEIR HEADS DOWN, GET TO WORK, AND WAIT FOR THE END THAT IS NEVER GOING TO COME. NO BULLSHIT. NO COMPLAINTS.

THIBS: Sounds morbid.

SKILES: SOUNDS LIKE A DAMN GOOD BASKETBALL TEAM. GIVE ME 12 OF THESE GUYS AND I'D WORK WONDERS. HAMSTRING TEAR? THAT'S A SUCCESSFUL DAY IN THE FIERY PITS.

THIBS: Players today think the game is about them. They fail to realize they are replaceable pieces, only there to act out our vision.

SKILES: YE---

THIBS: Except Derrick. Derrick is not replaceable.

SKILES: YESS!! REMINDS ME OF A FAMOUS QUOTE FROM MY BIGGEST COACHING INSPIRATION, SIR ALFRED HITCHCOCK. HE SAID ACTORS SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE CATTLE.

THIBS: Yeah, OK. In a roundabout way, I kinda see where you're going--

SKILES: HE ALSO SAID 'GIVE THEM PLEASURE,' THEM BEING THE AUDIENCE, 'THE SAME PLEASURE THEY HAVE WHEN THEY WAKE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE.'

THIBS: .....

SKILES: NO ONE ENJOYS MILWAUKEE BUCKS GAMES. I TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN THIS!!! THE BUCKS HAVE NOT BEEN FUN TO WATCH FOR OVER A DECADE!!

THIBS: Are you OK, Scotty? Is the pressure getting to you?

SKILES lifts up from the table. His face is covered in cocaine.


SKILES: PRESSURE!? WHAT PRESSURE?! UNDER PRESSURE. DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DA DA. UNDER PRESSURE.

THIBS: You're starting to scare me. Your temples--they've exploded out of your head. They're just floating down a hot lava stream. Jesus, aren't you going to pick them up? Your eyes--they're next. I see the blood coursing through them. I can't be here for this. Where is the Bradley Center?

SKILES: [to no one in particular] ERSAN. ERSAAAAAAAAN. NOT THE DOUBLE SWITCH. NOT THE SADLHFAODFHAIDHFADJFLAD!!!!!!!!!!!!


THIBS stares off into the distance. He notices a pile engulfed in flames, growing larger by the minute. Through the bright orange tint, THIBS makes out the dismembered head of Vinny Del Negro.


THIBS lets out a terrified scream, the first time he's been scared since Derrick Rose rolled his ankle in last year's playoffs.


SKILES: MUAHAHAHAHA. I DID IT!! YES IT WAS ALL ME!! THE WORKERS DISPOSED OF THE BODY YOU WILL NEVER FIND IT. THAT SECOND-RATE SUNAVABITCH LUCKS INTO DERRICK AND THEN CP3. WHERE IS MY SUPERSTAR?! I NEVER SMILE. I CAN'T SMILE. STEPHEN JACKSON.

THIBS: Where is the body, Scotty? Vinny might not have know how to draw up an inbounds play, but goddamnit, he deserves a proper burial. That is the least we can give him.

SKILES: I'LL NEVER TELL.

THIBS: How about we play for it?

SKILES: Continue.

THIBS: We have a game tomorrow, right? So we play for it. I'll spot you 20 points. I win by more than 20 and you tell me where the body is. You lose by less than 20 and the motherfucker burns.

SKILES: DEAL.

The two shake on it.


THIBS: Now tell me how to get out of here and back to Milwaukee.

SKILES: SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME THAT EVERY MINUTE A MURDER OCCURS, SO I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME, I KNOW YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK. MUAHAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

THIBS walks in the opposite direction and asks the nearest slave laborer where the exit is. The slave laborer points him towards an elevator 56 miles east. THIBS begins his solitary journey and contemplates the evening's matchup. This is more than a potential 33nd regular season victory. This is about sending a man off honorably.

Some Ideas For Joakim Noah's Second Tweet

Joakim Noah joined Twitter last week very unceremoniously. Word slowly trickled out and at the time of me writing this, Noah had amassed just over 18 thousand followers. His profile reads "Stick stickity" and he has composed a single tweet, simply reading: "General Tso." This is the out-of-context babble that has fueled so many funny Twitter accounts over the years. What is General Tso? The chicken, one assumes, or could Joakim be a Chinese military history buff? We'll never know because athletes do not have to explain tweets unless they are offensive. It's better that way to leave some things up to the imagination.

Noah has been one of the few players the basketball fans on Twitter have been clamoring for. He's a weird guy, weird enough that he'd probably have something interesting to say. And unpredictable, as in inventing a new and elaborate form of celebration midway through the season for no reason whatsoever. His Twitter ceiling is somewhere between Gilbert Arenas-like tangents and accidentally tweeting a picture of his weed a la Micheal Beasley. 

"General Tso." has stood alone since February 22, making it a full week since Joakim last tweeted. At this point, his account seems like a cruel trick meant to squash every last bit of anticipation we had for this day. Noah may never decide to tweet again, in which case, his experiment would still be a strange success, but if he does, here are some possible ideas for his second tweet.

Looking like une petite fete. How u

Breakfast Burrito. 

Just complimented Thibs on his polo shirt. He made me run suicides.

Gator Boyz!!! Go see Ahmad at 7th and 112

@KingJames Nice All star game bro lol

@KingJames @DwyaneWade @chrisbosh Ya'll looking real Hollywood from where i'm tweeting

The vengeance was mine. the pleasure was all mine.

Subway Fresh Fit Meal.

If i'm stopped at a Traffic light, can I be a traffic cone?

Six steps. One step. red step blue step

We caught John Lucas napping. twitpic.com/1o8y9

Hey, I just added you to my Mafia family. You should accept my invitation! :) Click here: http://pmw.es/1se87 

SOAKING WET. RT @swirsk054: Noah bringing out the guns and they are WET

Pop pop pop booyakasha

Stop. Just Stop. Like They'd Trade Me.

Fine thanks for asking. RT @JimmyRunsTrains: How's your sister doing?

You're spiritual plain. Get on my spiritual plane.

the real poet remains calm and lies within us.

Haha i just autographed me third pair of tits. TODAY

Only u can hold u back. It broke the camel's straw after all.

Malted Milk.

Ima keep shooting.

John lucas throws up some funny looking shots. RT @ChiBullsRox23: Who's the funniest guy on the team?

These were awful. RT @RenaissanceFan: Some Ideas For @JoakimNoah Second Tweet therenaissanefan.blogspot.com/...

Tom Thibodeau Responds To His Critics

OHHHHH. It must suck not being the head coach of the Bulls. I wouldn't know anything about that though.

It's come to my attention that a few Backers -- Boggers --Blockers --Bloggers? Bloggers? Is that how you say it? It's come to my attention that a few BLOGGERS have a problem with the way I've been running my team. MY team. Now look, I understand what it's like to be angry. I watched guys like Vinny Del Negro land head coaching jobs while I was stuck masturbating in the film room at 4 in the morning. Doc preached his ubuntu shit and hid fake hundred dollar bills in EVERY away stadium and the media loved him for it. I drew up the defenses anonymously. Do you have any idea what it's like to draw up a defensive game plan for the Lakers? Try to imagine willingly putting your foot in a crocodile's mouth, looking that crocodile in the eye as he lets your foot rest gently in the back of his throat, and then just sit there as he starts to nibble on your big toe nice and slow. Then the crocodile gets bored and offers your foot back. You want to run but you put it right back in there because that's what you have to do. The crocodile is having a little trouble biting down properly and then Ron Artest comes out of nowhere and hits a fucking three. All the sleepless nights, the shitty eating habits, the premature balding, and past success come to the forefront of your mind as you realize: There was nothing I could have done to prepare for that.

I was always a bit of an obsessive as a kid. I memorized numbers, particularly the years movies were released. The Sting - 1973. The Graduate - 1967. Scarface - 1983, the original version was 1932. Ask me any movie, I know it. Why do I tell you this, you ask? I...well...you see...sometimes I get sidetracked and before I know it I'm revealing embarrassing things about myself. You know, I treat basketball like I used to treat those movies. The finished product; title, release date, etc. was the important thing. I wasn't at all concerned about the actors. A good director takes what actors he's given and makes a hell of a movie. Sometimes his focus on a scene becomes so intense he forgets that one of the actors should not have been in the scene. Then by the time he yells, "Cut!" he hasn't the time or the money to go back and redo it. So the scene is filmed and it's already the end of the third quarter and I realize Derrick has played every minute of the game on a bum toe. Do you see what I'm saying? Work with me here. I'm not the best at conveying my thoughts.

My mother used to worry about me when I was seven years old. "Play outside," she said. "Your brain will turn to mush sitting in front of the television all day." I had no friends. Just a basketball, a ripped pair of jeans and perfectly respectable crew cut. I dribbled that ball -- boy did I dribble. I dribbled and dribbled and dribbled and I still wasn't any good. I used to bounce the ball off my foot and send it flying down the street. I ran after that ball and when I caught up to it I would start dribbling again. Inevitably, the ball would bounce off my foot again and I'd keep running for it. This WAS basketball to me. Lots of running. Constant motion. I loved the way the sweat trickled down my forehead and into my eyes. It stung. I enjoyed the pain. The pain was intense and good for me because I needed a different sort of pain to compensate for my lack of friends. I found running around all day with a basketball more than sufficient.

A couple years later, my mother became even more worried. "I'm worried you're going to kill someone, Tommy. I should have you committed." For Christmas that year I received a magnifying glass from my eccentric uncle. He told me, "Fame is a magnifying glass." I didn't understand the quote or its significance at the time, but I did enjoy the grotesque beauty of my magnified penis. The magnifying glass became my new companion. I took it outside with me, and, to my mother's dismay, dug around the garden. "That's not a garden hoe, Tommy," she yelled out the window. I pouted and stuck my tongue out at her and made my way to the front of the house. As fate would have it, another boy about my age, a boy I had never seen in my life, was riding his bike. He spotted my magnifying glass. His eyes lit up. "Cool," is all he could say.

This boy, Dennis was his name, showed me what magnifying glasses were really used for. We sat Indian style on the sidewalk and watched the ants go by. Dennis raised my magnifying glass to the sun. I watched as the sun beams reflected through the glass onto the pitiful creature. The ant, I thought, was dancing. What a fun time. "NO," Dennis said. "He's dying. We're KILLING this ant." My eyes lit up this time. Was that much control possible? Could I really impose my will on the universe? I watched as the ant withered and crumbled into the sidewalk. It was dead all right. We had ran it into the ground. I smiled bigger than when I received the Bulls coaching job. I couldn't stop smiling. My mother scheduled a psychiatrist appointment for me that day.

Running after basketballs for hours on end and accelerating the deaths of small, harmless animals were my childhood hobbies. Take from that what you will. Just know, I am always prepared. I will never let a Ron Artest situation happen again. Psychiatrists are not to be thanked. They bring to light all of your personal inadequacies, and worst of all, they make YOU tell them. Sure, I would love to carry you to the finish line only to have you hop off my back and break the tape yourself. I'm in control now. This is MY team made in MY image. They like playing through injuries because playing through injuries is what basketball players do.

Write your blogs and air your grievances. Last year it was Keith Bogans. This year it's playing time. Next year it will be something else. I'm trying to see where ya'll are coming from but the light reflecting off of my Coach of the Year trophy is a bit blinding. See you in June, suckas.          

Scalabrine Minutes

Brian Scalabrine strips away the familiarity and comfort of his Chicago Bulls home warm-up. It's time to go to work.

Brian Scalabrine, by virtue of playing on an NBA team, will forever be confounding. His game is not the confusing part. Scalabrine is a moderately skilled player who, at this point in his career, does nothing on the basketball court particularly well. His value is as a locker room guy -- a guy who keeps the other players loose and helps them understand the system he knows in and out. Scalabrine, by all accounts, is a sharp basketball mind and a future head coach. The NBA is filled with smart bench players. Why is it that Scalabrine is the only one who receivers standing ovations?

The popular explanation deems Scalabrine "the human victory cigar." He only plays when the Bulls are blowing their opponent out. His entrance into the game then makes it official: the Bulls have secured a victory. When the UC crowd chants for Scalabrine, they're really just chanting for the game to be wrapped and delivered. There's of course more to it than that. What makes Scalabrine different from the 12th man on the bench in every other city is his appearance. The curly red hair, pasty skin, pot belly, and lack of athleticism are the traits you'd give your 2K Created Player because they look funny. He's the exact opposite of what a prototypical NBA player is supposed to look like. Seventy-five to eighty percent of the UC crowd on any given night bears more resemblance to Scalabrine than any other Bulls player, and people like rooting for players they look like. Appearance-wise, what truly separates Scal from the crowd is his height, furthering the popular fan delusion that they too would be a professional basketball player if they were 6'9.

To Scal's credit he doesn't seem upset over the increasingly patronizing chants. He only cares about the respect of his teammates and coaches and dismisses his name as one that "just sounds good coming off the tongue." Bulls fans have been debating about the "Scalabrine" chants since last year. Some consider them harmless fun and others feel they are embarrassing and racially motivated. Race and overall appearance, I believe, do play the biggest factor, but if Scalabrine isn't offended and his teammates aren't offended, then let the crowd chant. Scalabrine and the chants aren't going to disappear anyway.

This is what I came here to talk about: Scalabrine is seeing more playing time this year. It's been strange. Last year, even with a 20-point lead, the "Scalabrine" chants fell on deaf ears. This year, the "Scalabrine" chants are followed by Scalabrine checking in. Could it be? Has Thibs finally started to soften up and concede the game is in hand? Of course not, the rotation is just different this year. You probably don't remember and neither did I, but Scalabrine was part of the regular rotation early last year. He appeared in only 18 games on the season and played 87 total minutes. Forty-nine of those 87 minutes were in the first five games of the year!

Carlos Boozer's preseason injury left minutes open at power forward and Thibs favored Scalabrine off the bench over Kurt Thomas. Boozer returned and Thomas played well in Joakim Noah's absence, leaving Scal as the odd man out. This year, rookie shooting guard/small forward Jimmy Butler occupies Thomas' old roster spot. When it comes time to clear the bench, Scalabrine gets the call because he no longer has three guys playing in front of him.

The reconstructed roster then, more so than a condensed schedule or Thibs' loosening his authoritarian grip, is the reason Scalabrine has appeared in 8 of the Bulls' first 16 games. So if Scalabrine minutes are your favorite part of the Bulls game,  thank Kurt Thomas for taking his forearm shivers and silky smooth elbow set-shot to Portland. Send him a "Thank You" card. Or a telegram.   

John Lucas III's Historic Night

John Lucas III made his first NBA start Wednesday night in place of Derrick Rose. The game was everything you would expect from a contest between the Wizards and the Rose-less Bulls playing their third game of a back-to-back-to-back. That is to say, a perfect game for Lucas to make his NBA debut. There were plenty of bad shots, sloppy turnovers, and JaVale McGee goaltends to go around. Lucas' teammates were noticeably frustrated at his attempts to play isolation ball and reach the 40 shot mark. But who cares? The Bulls won and Gail Fischer interviewed Lucas after the game. Wiping the sweat from his forehead he panted, "I was just trying to contribute out there. My teammates have confidence in me." I don't know about all that but his performance was certainly a cause for celebration in a less than illustrious NBA career.

With increased playing time comes the ability to rack up personal achievements, and John Lucas did just that. Interestingly enough, his record numbers corresponded with some lesser known numbers relating to the evening.

POINTS - 25

25 - Number of minutes it took for Lucas to gain clearance into the United Center. Lucas was stopped by a security guard three hours before tip-off and asked for identification. "What for?" he responded. "I'm on the team." The security guard did not believe he was a member of the team. Lucas' calls to Tom Thibodeau, camped in the film room since the end of last night's game, were unsuccessful. An unidentified employee of the UC was finally able to interrupt Thibs' masturbation session to a clip of a perfectly executed pick-and-roll defense by pounding on the door loudly. Thibs vouched for his starting point guard and Lucas was allowed to enter.

FIELD GOALS MADE - 11

11 - Number of times a Chicago sports columnist led today's piece with, "It's a good time to be a three. Only one month removed from Robert Griffin III's Heisman Trophy acceptance speech, fellow Texan John Lucas III ... (and later) It's safe to say, there's a new sheriff in town.

FIELD GOALS ATTEMPTED - 28

28 - The number of dirty looks Ronnie Brewer gave Lucas during the Wizards game after Lucas opted to fling up a difficult shot rather than pass to Brewer for the open mid-range jumper. Also, the number of minutes (+1) Joakim Noah was on the bench.

REBOUNDS, ASSISTS - 8

8 - Number of "cousins" who called or texted Lucas after the game asking about tickets for "that Thunder game." Lucas was a star player for the Oklahoma State Final Four team in 2004 and gained a number of fans and admirers along the way. He does not, however,  recall having any cousins by the names of Ohcumgache and Buster.    

MINUTES PLAYED - 46

46 - Mike James' original jersey number. The Bulls signed former NBA journeyman and current D-Leaguer Mike James hours before tip-off to back up Lucas. The equipment staff acted quickly and were able to secure a number 46 jersey for James with his name etched on the back. Sensing he may pick up some garbage time minutes, James decided it would be best for any future basketball endeavors if he was not associated with this game in any way. He snuck into the locker room and replaced his jersey with a nameless number 14 and entered the game with 42 seconds to play.

Dueling Banjos

The weekend is here, both Conference Finals have come to a 1-1 stalwart, and magnificently, feature what may be five of the NBA's six best players (Dwight Howard has been fishing a while now, someone rock the boat and wake him up). Kevin Durant dominated summer headlines, as Team USA ran their offense through him while slowly crunching international competition beneath their feet. LeBron, Wade, and "The Decision" took over from there. Derrick Rose received MVP honors and NBA writers penned one thousand different articles on the meaning of humility and how Rose is saving the NBA -- and the world. Lost in the fracas, as he usually seems to be, was Dirk Nowitzki.

Nowitzki is everything I've loved about this year's Playoffs. Heading into this season he was an immensely talented player, but a perpetual loser / choke artist. After Game 1 he became the best international player ever and possibly one of the ten greatest players of all-time. Step back, cock the basketball behind your head, fadeaway off of one leg, and throw perspective out the window.

I began searching for reasons why Nowitzki has been so underrated -- in terms of his legacy and the unique blend of size and skill he's brought to the game, moreso than being recognized as an All-Star and elite player. The first explanation would seem to be bad timing. Nowitzki's prime has coincided with the primes of Hall-of-Famers Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Allen Iverson, Shaquille O'Neal, Vince Carter, Steve Nash, and Jason Kidd. All were arguably better or more exciting players for the majority of their careers. Add in players like Stephon Marbury, Steve Francis, and Tracy McGrady who ultimately didn't have HOF careers, but for a short time took the league by storm. Then the post-2003 draft picks: LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, and Dwight Howard, who brought new excitement and marketability to a league who's star players were either getting old or failing to live up to the lofty standards that were set for them. If someone were to ask you in 25 years who the best 10 or 15 players of the last decade were, would it really be inconceivable to forget about Dirk?

For better or worse, athletes are measured by the number of Championships they've won. I'm sure you've seen the trailer for Bad Teacher by now. Unfortunately for Dirk, his two best Dallas Mavericks teams are best known for their epic Playoff collapses. The 2006 team was up 2-0 in the NBA Finals, firmly in control of Game 3 before surrendering a double digit lead in Miami, and went on to lose four straight. Then the 2007 team, Dallas' best team in franchise history, were ousted in the first round by 8th-seeded Golden State. Dirk played well in Games 2-5, but awful in Game 1 and series-clinching Game 6; the two most likely to be remembered. Those two seasons have come to define Dirk and the Dallas Mavericks. Despite the accolades and for all the substance they've played with the past decade, they're not good enough to win a Championship.

Then there's "Dirk's Quirks." He looked like a member of Ace of Base when he came into the league. This undoubtedly contributed to the "soft" discourse.

He's constantly adjusting his jersey even though it seems to fit him fine. He also has a tendency to try and tuck his hair around his ear, even though his hair seems to trend that way regardless. Dirk's quirks: they can be quite distracting. Next time the Mavs are on, observe how Dirk reacts when Dallas is struggling. He may get them back in it, but during a crucial stretch he's going to do the stupid jersey or hair adjustment and I promise you'll think a little less of him.

But back to why Dirk is finally getting his due as one of the toughest covers in NBA history. He scored in a variety of ways in his 48-point Game 1 performance. Nine of his fifteen shots came on the right side of the floor, and eight of those nine were 12 to 18 feet away from the basket. There was no secret to what Nowitzki was doing. He posted up every time down the floor, received the ball, and either drew a foul or shot is patented fadeaway. Oklahoma City's defenders were barely able to touch Nowitzki, so his 24 free throws were a bit of an aberration, but the fact that he made all 24 was not. 

There's one particular Nowitzki shot I want to talk about. Late in the 4th quarter and the Mavericks are up by seven. Nowitzki, who logged 41 minutes on the night was clearly tired. He received the ball in the post, 18-feet out. Serge Ibaka would be the victim this time. Nowitzki turned around and faced Ibaka. He was literally too tired to do anything, even bend over. He stood there with Ibaka in his face and the ball at his hip. Nowitzki held the ball for about five seconds before just raising up -- a last ditch effort. The highly arced ball fell right through the net. I don't care about a player's size or position. He isn't supposed to be able to catch the ball 18 feet out, face his defender, and swish a shot because he was too tired to do anything else. That has been Dirk Nowitzki in the 2010 Playoffs. 

The Thunder played him better in Game 2, fronting him and sending a help defender from the weakside. They also limited him to only ten free throw attempts. Nowitzki still made 10 of his 17 shots and made some excellent passes out of the double team. There's not much Oklahoma City can do with him, but they did just enough to win Game 2.

Meanwhile, Russell Westbrook is getting his typical treatment from the media. When he attacks the rim he's being too aggressive and needs to get the ball to Durant. When he doesn't attack he's being too passive and hurting his team. I'd hate to be in his position. What's funny is how Durant is getting off scot-free. Sometimes Westbrook can't get him the ball because he either hasn't used his screen properly, or isn't strong enough to create space for himself. Not Westbrook's fault, but he's received the brunt of the criticism. Magic Johnson, as part of ESPN's horrible "Bold Predictions" piece, actually said he expected Westbrook to have a 25-14-8 game. How the fuck can Westbrook win?

To Durant's credit, he'd defended Westbrook's decision-making, even drawing the ire of some who claim he's not being assertive enough. Rubbish, I say. Durant just wants to be one of the guys. Him and Westbrook have taken to MySpace to release their debut EP.

The NBA's answer to The Cool Kids?

I'm about to criticize Tom Thibodeau. Are you sure you want to do that? Yes. Really? Yes. I mean, I think so. Realllllly?

That's what I thought.

If you've watched even five Bulls games this year, you know that Thibs can be a little stubborn with his rotations. Of course, his stubbornness tends to pay off, so it's never really an issue. It was in Game 2 and cost the Bulls the game. Thibs subbed in Korver for Brewer with just under 9 minutes left in the game. The Bulls were playing with a Rose-Korver-Deng-Gibson-Asik lineup against Miami's Wade-James-Miller-Haslem-Bosh. Thibs' thinking was for Korver to hit a few threes (the Bulls were down 73-69 when Korver checked in) and get them right back in the game. Not a bad strategy except Korver has to play defense and Mike Miller was the only easy cover on the floor. Rose, who wouldn't sit the entire second half, was forced to guard Wade. This isn't bad for stretches, but not when the Bulls are completely dependent on Rose for offense at the end of a close game. Korver missed both of his three-point attempts in the 4th quarter. He was 1-3 from behind the arc in the 2nd quarter.

The Bulls are going to have trouble scoring against Miami regardless of the situation, but they most definitely won't be successful if Rose has to play the entire second half and guard Dwyane Wade for the last nine minutes of the game. Korver has to be given a short leash. If he's off he has to stay on the bench. At least with Brewer in the game, the Bulls have their best defensive lineup to accompany Rose. Rose can guard the most favorable perimeter match up and focus solely on offense. With Korver missing shots, too much pressure is put on a tired Rose to perform on both ends of the floor. Thibs stuck with Korver too long and it cost them.

I still maintain that the biggest advantage the Bulls have in this series is their coaching. Thibs won't make this type of mistake again. The Heat only scored 85 points despite 53 points on 54 percent shooting from James and Wade. The Bulls shot 34 percent (15 percent from three) and were in the game until the last couple of minutes. They let one get away.

Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you find anything.

Big, Imposing Question Marks

Minding my own business a few days ago, I noticed a retweet from someone I was following which read something like this: "1) Rose wins MVP 2) Tibs wins COY 3) Bulls get 1 seed 4) Bulls win finals." The tweet, typed in earnest, was retweeted to mock Bulls fans and their tendency to be "a little" delusional.
But looking at that list, all of those things are possible, right? I've prided myself in remaining, or at least trying to remain rational throughout this season. The last thing I want to do is fall off the wagon now.
Either way, the tweet got me to thinking about the percent chance of each scenario occurring. These numbers are not based on any higher formula, just a simple high or low number used to signify likelihood.
Tom Thibodeau wins Coach of the Year --> 90 Percent. The COY trend is well known by now: give the award to the coach of the league's most improved team. Fresh off of two straight 41 win seasons and low playoff seeds, the Bulls are now in line to secure a Top 3 seed and a win total in the upper-50s. Most people expected the Bulls to improve, but not to the degree they have. A 4 seed and 50 wins seemed about right in preseason, and that was assuming the team would be healthy. Thibs has preached defense since day one and it shows. The Bulls are winning games on the defensive end.
Gregg Popovich is another candidate, but is often overlooked for the honor because the Spurs have been consistently good for so long. I'm not sure a 68 win season would even win him the award this year.
A wild card is first-year 76ers coach Doug Collins. Collins not only has Philadelphia in the playoff hunt, but challenging the Knicks for the sixth spot. In reality, the 76ers are probably the biggest surprise team of the NBA thus far. But a potential sixth seed doesn't compete with a possible one seed and legitimate Finals hopes.
Derrick Rose wins MVP --> 75 Percent. I've been going back and forth with this number. A few days ago I thought it was just right. Today, I feel it might be a little high. For the last month or so the MVP race seemed to be between D. Rose and LeBron. LeBron had the disadvantage of the whole Decision/playing with other superstars thing. Also, like the Spurs, he's so consistently good, we tend to overlook him. Rose seemed to be cast as the anti-LeBron and benefited from the misconception that Chicago would be a 20-win team without him.
But now Dwight Howard has entered the equation. If you're voting for the MVP based on numbers alone, then Howard deserves the award. Since the trade, he's averaging 25 points, 15 rebounds, and 2 blocks a game. All while shooting 61 percent from the field. Even "video-game numbers" would be an inappropriate way to describe that beautiful stat line. Not to mention, Howard has a bigger impact on the defensive end than any other NBA player and is the sole reason Orlando has been a Top 5 defensive team for so long.
That's great, but isn't the MVP a reflection of his team's success to an extent? Orlando is no slouch, they're 38-22. However, here's something I've found interesting. In almost every Boston, Miami, or Chicago playoff article I've read, the writer has mentioned how important it is for BOS/MIA/CHI to secure the one seed, so they don't have to meet up with either BOS/MIA/CHI in the second round. As if Orlando would be an easy out in round 2. They're being completely overlooked and that has to count for something. The MVP is a regular season award, and the MVP should be on an elite team. Even after the trades, no one is buying that Orlando is an elite team.

Bulls win NBA Finals --> 20 Percent. This number is based off of my opinion that there are five legitimate title contenders: San Antonio, LA, Boston, Miami, and Chicago. I have no idea which team to pick. I think all five are equally capable of tearing through the playoffs, and being exploited. 20 percent is my way of saying the Bulls are one of five teams, and I don't think any team is the favorite.
The Bulls are 5-3 against these teams, with a losing record only against Boston (1-2). They have the size to match up with Boston and LA, the athleticism to hang with Miami, and the defensive prowess to contain San Antonio. It would help though, if they could win this upcoming game against Miami, and secure at least one road win against an elite team.
Bulls earn the 1 Seed --> 15 percent. If the Bulls were to procure the number one seed in the East, they'd need two things to happen:
1) Boston to lose in Chicago and Miami, in addition to blowing a few "gimme" road games. The Celtics have the fifth highest road winning percentage in the NBA.
2) Miami needs to continue their futility against good teams and lose at least half of their next ten games.
Here's the breakdown:

CELTICS 43-15
12 of 24 remaining games against playoff teams
13 Road Games
@Chicago, @Miami

HEAT 43-17
13 of 22 remaining games against playoff teams
9 Road Games
vs. Chicago, vs. Boston

BULLS 41-17
12 of 24 remaining games against playoff teams
13 Road Games
@Miami, vs. Boston

The Heat have the most intriguing race to the 1 seed. Their next ten games are against playoff teams. They have a combined 6-6 record against those teams, plus two meetings with San Antonio, who they haven't played yet. This ten game stretch will make or break their chances of grabbing the top seed. They play 8 of these 10 games at home. If the Heat can come away with 7 or 8 wins in that stretch, they should set themselves up nicely for a push towards the one seed.
The Celtics currently hold a one game advantage over Miami, and two games over Chicago. While they have Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic to incorporate into the system, the core of their team has been together for the last four years. They're a veteran team and, I hate this cliche but, know what it takes to win.
Here's something else the Boston Celtics know: the Chicago Bulls are the only Eastern Conference team that can beat them in a seven game series. I believe wholeheartedly that they're terrified of facing the Bulls in the playoffs. That will be motivation enough to focus on the top spot and hope the Heat can knock the Bulls off. If they have to play the Bulls in the EC Finals, they do so knowing they have home court advantage against a team with limited postseason experience that has played poorly on the road this year.
The Celtics know this is probably their last stand. No way I see them loosening the reins and letting the one seed slip away.
I'm still concerned about the Bulls' propensity to lose on the road and play down to inferior competition. The good news is that they finally have their full team healthy. Perhaps having everyone back will instill a focus in them. Regardless, the Bulls are the dark horse to grab the one seed, and whether they do or not, will likely have the most momentum heading into the playoffs.
A few months from now, we'll have the answers to all of these questions. I'm 100 percent sure of that.