Baby, Even The Losers Get Lucky Sometimes

CJ Watson: The play called for me to inbound the ball to Luol and get it back. I kind of stopped listening to Thibs in the huddle after that. Once I heard the ball was going to be in my hands I was good. My play, my time. The other guys didn't know it yet, but there was no way they were seeing the ball.

Luol Deng: Thibs drew up a nice little play in the huddle to get me rolling to the basket, with an option for an open jumper for either Kyle or Luke. CJ was to inbound the ball to me around the three point line and then come around to receive it back. Then it was my job to roll to the basket. If I was open, CJ would hit me. If not, it was up to him to create off the dribble. I thought it was pretty curious to hear "CJ" and "create" in the same sentence, but I trusted Thibs' vision.

Carlos Boozer: Thibs is a great dude, man. His reputation as a hard ass couldn't be further from the truth. He loves all of his players, especially me. He just has a weird way of showing it. Like, for instance, he barely acknowledges I exist during a timeout. He'll glance at me real quick and then start swearing under his breath. [laughs] My job was basically to set a down screen for Kyle and then try not to get in the way. 'Think of yourself as a highly paid decoy' Thibs said. He's a funny guy.

Kyle Korver: I don't like the ball in these crunch time situations. I get nervous and my hands start to clam up. When my hands start to clam up, it's hard to get a good feel for the ball. Anyway, I saw CJ start to trend to his right, kind of getting himself into a tough situation. I ran from the corner up to the top of the key. I kept thinking 'Please don't give me the ball. Please don't give me the ball. Please don't give me the ball.' My hands felt like I'd dunked them in a tub of ice water and then I remembered it was CJ handling the ball. There was no way he was going to pass it to me, or anyone, for that matter. I was able to calm down and get myself together after that.

John Lucas III: I wanted the ball in my hands. I always do. I'm John Lucas. Why shouldn't I want the ball with the game on the line? Thibs relegated my to the baseline and gave CJ the opportunity to make a play, which is pretty shitty if you ask me. I've been in this league long enough to know that if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. If you're intent on taking a shot, you damn well better put it up when the ball is in your hands. There was a chance I would get a look, but with CJ making the decision, I knew the ball wasn't coming my way. I would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes so I can't really blame him.

CJ Watson: James Johnson switched on to me and I liked that match up. To tell you the truth, I hate the guy. He was always playing pranks with our toothbrushes on road trips last year. He's a real asshole. He's always jacked up to play us and was treating this game like Game 7 of the NBA Finals. I wanted to beat him with a nice crossover. I knew I could.

Luol Deng: Jose [Calderon] switched on to me when JJ picked up CJ. That turned out to be a pretty big development.

Carlos Boozer: I'm not eating without hot sauce.

Kyle Korver: I watched CJ attempt a fadeaway over JJ, who is like, five or six inches taller than him. I knew it wasn't going to end well. I even removed my mouthpiece thinking the game was over. 'We just lost to the Toronto Raptors,' I thought. 'Ain't that some shit.'

John Lucas III: CJ put that shot up and I couldn't believe he didn't float it more. I know he's a bit taller than I am, but c'mon man. You gotta throw that thing way up there and give it a chance. Come to think, if that was me, we would have lost the game. I would have at least hit the rim. John Lucas has never airballed a shot. [Editor's Note: CJ Watson's shot was partially blocked by James Johnson]

Coach Thibs:  GUAH WOOF RATATA AJFDLGHAOD AHDOAHDG GHAOGHAIJIAJDNCVAHE 

Luol Deng: God bless Jose Calderon. I have no idea what he was thinking. For some reason, he decided to jump backwards at put his hand up for the block like that was going to make a difference. He left me all alone to corral the rebound and I just let it go as fast as I could. I didn't even know if I got it off in time.

Kyle Korver: Pure elation. It's nice to get a win when you've already resigned yourself to a loss.

Carlos Boozer: You've seen me play. I enjoy celebrating athletic exploits whether I've taken part in them or not. I just started yelling 'Dunk that shit' because it felt right. I knew it didn't apply in that situation, but it still felt right.

John Lucas III: I found Luol and jumped on his shoulders. He didn't even feel me there, I don't think.

CJ Watson: I was extremely pleased with the way I was able to create and get our team the victory.

Coach Thibs: I spent our off days locked in a Motel 6 with nothing but a 2 liter bottle of mineral water and a large bag of Smartfood popcorn. Lesson learned. I won't be drawing up out-of-bounds plays in that sort of environment ever again.

Some Ideas For Joakim Noah's Second Tweet

Joakim Noah joined Twitter last week very unceremoniously. Word slowly trickled out and at the time of me writing this, Noah had amassed just over 18 thousand followers. His profile reads "Stick stickity" and he has composed a single tweet, simply reading: "General Tso." This is the out-of-context babble that has fueled so many funny Twitter accounts over the years. What is General Tso? The chicken, one assumes, or could Joakim be a Chinese military history buff? We'll never know because athletes do not have to explain tweets unless they are offensive. It's better that way to leave some things up to the imagination.

Noah has been one of the few players the basketball fans on Twitter have been clamoring for. He's a weird guy, weird enough that he'd probably have something interesting to say. And unpredictable, as in inventing a new and elaborate form of celebration midway through the season for no reason whatsoever. His Twitter ceiling is somewhere between Gilbert Arenas-like tangents and accidentally tweeting a picture of his weed a la Micheal Beasley. 

"General Tso." has stood alone since February 22, making it a full week since Joakim last tweeted. At this point, his account seems like a cruel trick meant to squash every last bit of anticipation we had for this day. Noah may never decide to tweet again, in which case, his experiment would still be a strange success, but if he does, here are some possible ideas for his second tweet.

Looking like une petite fete. How u

Breakfast Burrito. 

Just complimented Thibs on his polo shirt. He made me run suicides.

Gator Boyz!!! Go see Ahmad at 7th and 112

@KingJames Nice All star game bro lol

@KingJames @DwyaneWade @chrisbosh Ya'll looking real Hollywood from where i'm tweeting

The vengeance was mine. the pleasure was all mine.

Subway Fresh Fit Meal.

If i'm stopped at a Traffic light, can I be a traffic cone?

Six steps. One step. red step blue step

We caught John Lucas napping. twitpic.com/1o8y9

Hey, I just added you to my Mafia family. You should accept my invitation! :) Click here: http://pmw.es/1se87 

SOAKING WET. RT @swirsk054: Noah bringing out the guns and they are WET

Pop pop pop booyakasha

Stop. Just Stop. Like They'd Trade Me.

Fine thanks for asking. RT @JimmyRunsTrains: How's your sister doing?

You're spiritual plain. Get on my spiritual plane.

the real poet remains calm and lies within us.

Haha i just autographed me third pair of tits. TODAY

Only u can hold u back. It broke the camel's straw after all.

Malted Milk.

Ima keep shooting.

John lucas throws up some funny looking shots. RT @ChiBullsRox23: Who's the funniest guy on the team?

These were awful. RT @RenaissanceFan: Some Ideas For @JoakimNoah Second Tweet therenaissanefan.blogspot.com/...

John Lucas III's Historic Night

John Lucas III made his first NBA start Wednesday night in place of Derrick Rose. The game was everything you would expect from a contest between the Wizards and the Rose-less Bulls playing their third game of a back-to-back-to-back. That is to say, a perfect game for Lucas to make his NBA debut. There were plenty of bad shots, sloppy turnovers, and JaVale McGee goaltends to go around. Lucas' teammates were noticeably frustrated at his attempts to play isolation ball and reach the 40 shot mark. But who cares? The Bulls won and Gail Fischer interviewed Lucas after the game. Wiping the sweat from his forehead he panted, "I was just trying to contribute out there. My teammates have confidence in me." I don't know about all that but his performance was certainly a cause for celebration in a less than illustrious NBA career.

With increased playing time comes the ability to rack up personal achievements, and John Lucas did just that. Interestingly enough, his record numbers corresponded with some lesser known numbers relating to the evening.

POINTS - 25

25 - Number of minutes it took for Lucas to gain clearance into the United Center. Lucas was stopped by a security guard three hours before tip-off and asked for identification. "What for?" he responded. "I'm on the team." The security guard did not believe he was a member of the team. Lucas' calls to Tom Thibodeau, camped in the film room since the end of last night's game, were unsuccessful. An unidentified employee of the UC was finally able to interrupt Thibs' masturbation session to a clip of a perfectly executed pick-and-roll defense by pounding on the door loudly. Thibs vouched for his starting point guard and Lucas was allowed to enter.

FIELD GOALS MADE - 11

11 - Number of times a Chicago sports columnist led today's piece with, "It's a good time to be a three. Only one month removed from Robert Griffin III's Heisman Trophy acceptance speech, fellow Texan John Lucas III ... (and later) It's safe to say, there's a new sheriff in town.

FIELD GOALS ATTEMPTED - 28

28 - The number of dirty looks Ronnie Brewer gave Lucas during the Wizards game after Lucas opted to fling up a difficult shot rather than pass to Brewer for the open mid-range jumper. Also, the number of minutes (+1) Joakim Noah was on the bench.

REBOUNDS, ASSISTS - 8

8 - Number of "cousins" who called or texted Lucas after the game asking about tickets for "that Thunder game." Lucas was a star player for the Oklahoma State Final Four team in 2004 and gained a number of fans and admirers along the way. He does not, however,  recall having any cousins by the names of Ohcumgache and Buster.    

MINUTES PLAYED - 46

46 - Mike James' original jersey number. The Bulls signed former NBA journeyman and current D-Leaguer Mike James hours before tip-off to back up Lucas. The equipment staff acted quickly and were able to secure a number 46 jersey for James with his name etched on the back. Sensing he may pick up some garbage time minutes, James decided it would be best for any future basketball endeavors if he was not associated with this game in any way. He snuck into the locker room and replaced his jersey with a nameless number 14 and entered the game with 42 seconds to play.

Sheek Louch - Turkish Love

When the Bulls acquired Omer Asik on Draft Day 2008 in a three team trade with Portland and Denver, not too many Bulls fans noticed. The draft was already half-way into the second round and Jay Bilas, fresh out of measurements, sat in silence as Adam Silver basked in the glory of being David Stern without the vitriol. The Bulls had already made a more important acquisition that night, some might say. So important, the prospect of a 7'0 Turkish center who wasn't coming over for a few years anyway hardly seemed like a pressing matter. In the meantime, an exciting playoff series with Boston and the real possibility of signing LeBron James held us over. When Asik did come over in the summer of 2010, the reaction to his arrival bordered closer to indifference than any other concrete emotion. Kurt Thomas signed and figured to steal the majority of the backup center minutes. And how was Omer Asik pronounced anyway? I'm not sure anyone knew, and some of us still don't. We discussed him though and spoke about what we perceived to be his strengths and weaknesses -- all without seeing game tape or hearing a proper pronunciation of his name.

Asik was the great unknown two summer ago. The 7-footer who could solidify the second team's defense or the guy who wouldn't play at all. We had no idea. Did he speak English? It certainly didn't appear like it. When he did see the court, he was an easy target. He tired easily and attempted layups with the touch one might expect from the World's Strongest Man. He fell for pump fakes -- EVERY pump fake -- and looked so dumbfounded doing so he called into question the legality of pump fakes in Turkey. Then something clicked for Omer. He realized his size was his greatest advantage and the team was best served when he parked in the lane and stood straight up. By playoff time, Asik was a legitimate force off the bench, and arguably the second team's most important player. His block numbers don't jump out at you -- 2.0 Per 36 last year.* His value was in the number of shots he altered. Opponents driving to the basket struggled shooting over Asik and trying to get around him in mid-air. His presence in the lane was a big reason why the bench almost always extended leads last year and why Asik finished playoff games against the Heat and continues to finish games this year. Last February, most Bulls fans were more than willing to part with Asik for Courtney Fucking Lee. I think their opinions of him have changed. Asik is more than a Stacey King pun. He's a legit work-in-progress who would start for a number of teams in the league right now.

* - According to Defensive Rating, a statistic used to measure an individual player's effectiveness on defense, Omer Asik is the 7th best player in the NBA. Defensive Rating is not without its flaws. A player's rating is influenced significantly by the players around him. For instance, Carlos Boozer is rated 13th among all players, and 76ers players (the best defensive team in the NBA thus far) occupy spots 1-5. Still, this is a pretty reliable rating system and I find it telling that Asik is the Bulls' top-rated defender.   

I bring this up because Asik demonstrated his limitless potential on a single play yesterday. Early in the second quarter, John Lucas dumped the ball into Asik in the post and without hesitation he sunk a 12-foot hook shot over Kevin Love. It was a beautiful moment, and to my knowledge, the best scoring play of Asik's NBA career. Then I got to thinking: why can't he consistently hit that shot? Sure, he has NO touch and would probably have trouble consistently catching the entry pass, but I don't think developing a 12-foot hook shot in the offseason is too much to ask. Couple that shot with a few offensive put backs and Asik could easily average 10 points per game as a starter. The conditioning, defensive awareness, and free throw shooting should come with time. This sounds great, right? Well, maybe not.

Asik's contract is up after this year and even moderately skilled 7-footers in this league GET PAID. The Bulls can extend a qualifying offer to him worth about 2.3 million but it's unclear if he will accept it. Asik can accept the qualifying offer and become an unrestricted free agent in 2013, or decline the qualifying offer and become a restricted free agent after this season. He'll stand to make much more than 2.3 million dollars per year from another team, so declining the qualifying offer would be wise. Should he decline and become a restricted free agent the Bulls can match any contract offered to him. But if Asik gets a sizable offer like I think he will, the Bulls probably won't be in a position to match it. Asik has shown glimpses of his potential on both ends and it's possible that potential will be realized in a different uniform.

In many ways, Asik is still the great unknown. We don't know if he'll ever develop serviceable post moves, or if he'll be playing for a team that even needs him to score. We don't know if he'll be able to stay out of foul trouble playing starter minutes. We don't if his hands will improve -- a problem that costs him one or two easy baskets a game. We do know he's already one of the best rebounding and defensive centers in the game and it's kind of scary to think where the Bulls would be with only Noah and an unproven backup. This unnerving thought could be a reality next season.