Some Ideas For Joakim Noah's Second Tweet

Joakim Noah joined Twitter last week very unceremoniously. Word slowly trickled out and at the time of me writing this, Noah had amassed just over 18 thousand followers. His profile reads "Stick stickity" and he has composed a single tweet, simply reading: "General Tso." This is the out-of-context babble that has fueled so many funny Twitter accounts over the years. What is General Tso? The chicken, one assumes, or could Joakim be a Chinese military history buff? We'll never know because athletes do not have to explain tweets unless they are offensive. It's better that way to leave some things up to the imagination.

Noah has been one of the few players the basketball fans on Twitter have been clamoring for. He's a weird guy, weird enough that he'd probably have something interesting to say. And unpredictable, as in inventing a new and elaborate form of celebration midway through the season for no reason whatsoever. His Twitter ceiling is somewhere between Gilbert Arenas-like tangents and accidentally tweeting a picture of his weed a la Micheal Beasley. 

"General Tso." has stood alone since February 22, making it a full week since Joakim last tweeted. At this point, his account seems like a cruel trick meant to squash every last bit of anticipation we had for this day. Noah may never decide to tweet again, in which case, his experiment would still be a strange success, but if he does, here are some possible ideas for his second tweet.

Looking like une petite fete. How u

Breakfast Burrito. 

Just complimented Thibs on his polo shirt. He made me run suicides.

Gator Boyz!!! Go see Ahmad at 7th and 112

@KingJames Nice All star game bro lol

@KingJames @DwyaneWade @chrisbosh Ya'll looking real Hollywood from where i'm tweeting

The vengeance was mine. the pleasure was all mine.

Subway Fresh Fit Meal.

If i'm stopped at a Traffic light, can I be a traffic cone?

Six steps. One step. red step blue step

We caught John Lucas napping. twitpic.com/1o8y9

Hey, I just added you to my Mafia family. You should accept my invitation! :) Click here: http://pmw.es/1se87 

SOAKING WET. RT @swirsk054: Noah bringing out the guns and they are WET

Pop pop pop booyakasha

Stop. Just Stop. Like They'd Trade Me.

Fine thanks for asking. RT @JimmyRunsTrains: How's your sister doing?

You're spiritual plain. Get on my spiritual plane.

the real poet remains calm and lies within us.

Haha i just autographed me third pair of tits. TODAY

Only u can hold u back. It broke the camel's straw after all.

Malted Milk.

Ima keep shooting.

John lucas throws up some funny looking shots. RT @ChiBullsRox23: Who's the funniest guy on the team?

These were awful. RT @RenaissanceFan: Some Ideas For @JoakimNoah Second Tweet therenaissanefan.blogspot.com/...

Choose Your Words Wisely

Chris Bosh followed up an atrocious Game 2 with the best game of his career. He scored 34 in a variety of ways: midrange, off the dribble, pick and rolls, on Chicago's reeling defense. The benefit, to me anyway, of Bosh going off, is that reporters can ask Wade and LeBron about him. Naturally, they wanted to know what changed. Did he prepare any differently for Game 3? To which Dwyane Wade offered a glimpse into Miami's pregame locker room routine. Wade revealed that while most of his teammates play music before games, Bosh keeps to himself and reads a book.

This newfound information excited me. Attempting to read a book while a group of grandiose, self-important individuals make noise sounded a lot like my freshman year of college. Maybe Chris Bosh and myself aren't so different after all!

My thoughts shifted focus. What books could Bosh possibly be reading before a big game? The sociologist in me was hoping for something totally unexpected. Hopefully a piece of literature so far removed from my comfortable opinions about Bosh that would force me to reconsider everything I ever thought about him. Maybe Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Roots? Lolita? The Odyssey (pictured above)?! There had to be more to Bosh than the soft, insecure, player with the strange mannerisms and a habit of getting all LL Cool J and licking his lips in a perfect circle.

In early May, Shandel Richardson of the Sun-Sentinel wrote about the differences amongst the Big Three. Bosh's love of reading and art, as well as his quiet nature were what Richardson felt set him apart from Wade and James. From the article:

...James and Wade are on their iPods listening to hip-hop lyrics in the locker room during pre-game. A few feet away, Bosh is plugging his headphones into his iPad, usually reading a novel or a book that teaches mental toughness.

The bolded was the answer I was looking for, but not exactly hoping for. So Bosh was reading a book or novel about mental toughness? That basically falls in line with Bosh's narrative up to this point. The article also mentions Bosh is a huge Harry Potter fan, by the way. I realize that saying a book is about "mental toughness" is ridiculously vague. Roots can largely be read as a novel about mental toughness, for instance. But doesn't this mental toughness business scream of self-help? Is Chris Bosh reading self-help books before games? More power to him if he is.

I was hoping for something that would put me on my ass. Like when I saw Andrew Bynum was reading Drown by Junot Diaz. No such luck this time around. It's still pretty cool that Bosh reads before games, though. As a coach, I probably wouldn't want my star power forward reading Lolita anyway.

* * *

Mr. Joakim Noah has found himself in some hot water after directing a homophobic slur to an unruly fan while on the bench. Hint: Noah said, "Fuck you, faggot." "Fuck you" is fine nowadays. But "faggot?" Not so much. Here's the video:

Noah was fined 50 thousand dollars for his words and expressed regret in his conversation with openly gay sportswriter Kevin Arnovitz. I was watching the incident with my brother, girlfriend, and a friend. We were originally split down the middle about whether Noah was directing his rage towards himself or someone else. It seemed unlikely, at least to myself and my friend, that Noah would snap at a fan. I'm pretty sure he's heckled ferociously everywhere he goes.

Noah was most likely frustrated that he had just picked up his second foul in the first quarter. The fan apparently said something about his mother. I'm sure he's heard insults about his mother before, but combined with an ineffective start to an important game, the moment got the best of him. Obviously, Noah was wrong. He was wrong for using the word he did. He was wrong for paying a heckling fan the time of day to begin with. Unfortunately, the fan in question will face no repercussions. A small percentage of paying fans at every game feel the price of admission affords them the privilege of saying whatever they want to players and coaches. Other than Sam Amico's "One Free Punch rule," there isn't much the NBA can do. It's up to players to control their emotions, Noah couldn't, and was caught on camera.

What worries me is that this incident received as much attention as it did solely because a homophobic slur was involved. What if Noah had called the guy a dick? The NBA probably does nothing. While I commend the NBA for running ads and addressing offensive incidents such as this one, Noah's slur was only part of the problem. Heated fan-player interactions will outlast whichever form of ignorance our country is preoccupied with fighting.

Day 12: Heat-Sixers (Game 5)

Discussions surrounding the Heat started to become a little ridiculous after Game 2. The Heat were coming off an easy 21 point victory, and one writer wondered if winning big was detrimental to the Heat. Yes, the Heat somehow became more susceptible to an upset because they blew a team out. The article argued that because the Heat struggled to close games during the regular season, mopping the floor with teams in the postseason was simply a recreation of their successful runs. What the Heat really needed was to learn how to finish close games.

I digested this opinion and immediately thought, would we be asking the same question if it was the Lakers, Spurs, or Celtics rolling through the first round? Of course we wouldn't. We'd say these teams were elevating their game come Playoff time and priming themselves for the long stretch. Basically, we'd spin this positively.

But not when it comes to the Heat. Everything about the Heat is looked at critically. Some of that is the left over animosity following "The Decision" and some of it is fueled by the fear that the Heat may take over the league. The Heat haven't won anything yet, their critics will point out; and that is why we're allowed to question their crunch time struggles.

Strangely enough, Game 2 was the only one-sided affair. The four other games followed a similar pattern. The Sixers got off to a fast start, the Heat quickly squashed them in the second quarter, and both teams played relatively even in the second half, with the Heat converting down the stretch. With the exception of Game 2, every game was decided by 8 points or less. I'd call those close games. The Heat have proven themselves capable of closing out games in this series, but even that isn't enough. Boston's transition defense is better and they play at a slower pace. The Heat will need to beat Boston in order to earn any respect.

I've always maintained (speaking in generalities of course) that beating the Heat came down to limiting Chris Bosh. My line of thinking went: LeBron and Wade are going to score their customary 50 to 60 points regardless of how well you play them. Miami's team outside of the Big Three couldn't be counted on for any significant production. Therefore, Bosh and his 18 points per game were the wild card. If you could limit him to 10 or 12 and force the supporting cast to beat you, then you stand a pretty good chance of winning.

My thinking was largely molded from the Bosh's performances in Miami's opening game against Boston (8 points, 3-11 shooting) and his infamous 1-18 game in Chicago. The way I remembered them, Miami's losses were the result of poor games from Bosh and the supporting cast, while LeBron and Wade went off. The Game 4 loss seemed to support my theory. Bosh (12 points) and everyone not named Wade or LeBron (17 combined points) had their worst game of the series, and Wade and LeBron combined for 53.

My memory failed me.

Wade was just as likely to have a bad game as Bosh in games the Heat lost. Bosh averaged 18.7 ppg during the regular season, 17 ppg in Heat losses. In every Heat loss each member of the Big Three participated in, at least one of them had a bad game. But they also won plenty of games when either LeBron, Wade, or Bosh put together a less than stellar performance. They did it with great defense and timely scoring from their supporting cast.

So far the supporting cast has come through: 34, 30, 25, and 33 points in Games 1, 2, 3, and 5, and lockdown team defense. But we don't want to hear about that. How will the Heat respond when they have the ball for the last possession, down by two. Who takes the shot? LeBron did in Game 4 and the Heat lost. Ultimately, the Heat will be judged in the closing seconds of a ball game. The closing seconds figure to mean more against Boston.  

Cleveland's Long Road To Rebuilding

A central theme of Miami and Cleveland's fourth and final match-up of the season Tuesday night was "showing up." Most observers, including myself, felt all Miami had to do was show up in order to win. They'd won the previous three match-ups by an average of 20 points, more than tripled the Cavs win total this season, and flat out possess more talent on their roster.

LeBron James also failed to show up for the pregame introductions, launching a thousand speculations as to why. The least likely among them is that James was scared to face the chorus of boos waiting for him. Unlikely because James has been serenaded with boos from every city this season and took part in the introductions on December 2nd, the last time the Heat played in Cleveland.

James claimed he was in the restroom during the introductions. Obviously, an eight-year veteran who hasn't missed a pregame introduction in his career shouldn't be granted the benefit of the doubt in this case. James most likely skipped the introductions in protest of some of his friends and associates being denied access to an underground parking garage at Quicken Loans Arena. The privilege, routinely granted to James' entourage when he was a member of the team, isn't typically granted to visiting players.

James hogged the pre-game and much of the in-game conversation, posting the 36th triple-double of his career. But Tuesday night was undoubtedly about the Cavaliers and their 102-90 win.

In their first meeting in Cleveland, the Cavs were rightly accused of cowering to LeBron. They joked with him as he approached their bench during free throw attempts and offered very little resistance on the defensive end. The Cavs went on to lose 35 of their next 36 games. Followers of the team pointed to the Miami game as the one that rocked the Cavs' confidence.

Heading into Tuesday's game the future of both teams was already decided. The 14-58 Cavs were headed for the draft lottery and the 51-22 Heat were gunning for the 2nd seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs. A win figured to mean more to the Heat, but no one bothered to mention that to the new look Cavs.

Ryan Hollins shut Bosh down, holding him to 10 points on 5-14 shooting. He provided the defensive intensity that was sorely lacking during their December match up. Anthony Parker hit four three-pointers, all of which either prolonged a Cleveland run, or killed one of Miami's. Luke Harangody came off the bench looking to score and poured in seven 2nd quarter points. He was the biggest reason the Cavs held an 11-point lead at halftime. All unlikely heroes indeed, which seems only fitting for Cleveland's Herculean toppling of the supposed Miami super team.

I'm reminded of a quote from 1994 children's movie classic Little Giants, which coincidentally took place in Urbana, Ohio, about 200 miles southwest of Cleveland. Giants coach and perpetual loser Danny O'Shea addresses his depleted team at halftime of a blowout at the hands of the Cowboys, coached by his older brother Kevin. 

Danny O'Shea: ...you guys belong out there with those Cowboys. You know how I know that? Because I belong out there with my brother.


Rudy Zolteck: Give us a break, coach. You could never beat Kevin O'Shea at *anything*!

Danny O'Shea: That's not true. I did beat him once.

Jake Berman: When?

Danny O'Shea: When we were kids. We used to race our bikes down Cherry Hill every day after school. We raced every day and he always beat me, but one time, one time... I beat him.

Jake Berman: You beat Kevin down Cherry Hill?

Danny O'Shea: Yes, I did. He ate my dust.

This was the Cavs' one time.
 
It is now important for the Cavaliers and the city of Cleveland to move on. Even the Packers had to get over the hump and beat Brett Favre before they won the Super Bowl. The LeBron James chapter is now closed. Continuing to curse his name and sell out only the games he plays in just shows how dependent they are on the idea of LeBron.
Tuesday night was about the Cleveland Cavaliers and no one else. They showed up and beat a team they didn't deserve to be on the floor with. The city of Cleveland can be proud, if only for one night. This feeling, even more important than the upcoming 2011 Draft, is the first step towards the rebuilding process.

Rudy Gay - The Most Interesting Man In The NBA

Remember back to the 2007-2008 NBA season. The Raptors were coming off their best regular season in franchise history. Chris Bosh was the face of the franchise and still relatively likable. Only one problem. Bosh was trailing Kevin Garnett massively in the All-Star vote. Garnett's stats weren't as good but he was playing his first year for the eventual NBA Champion Boston Celtics. The hype alone surrounding the Big 3 was enough to push Garnett into the starting lineup.
So Bosh dropped this video, which was then a pretty revolutionary marketing strategy. His votes skyrocketed but it was not enough to oust Garnett, or LeBron James for that matter, of a starting forward spot. Garnett ended up missing the game due to injury, and Bosh took his place in the starting lineup. The video worked (kind of), and Bosh earned his second consecutive All-Star start.
Memphis Grizzlies forward Rudy Gay recently put out a All-Star promotional video of his own, shown above. It parodies the Dos Equis commercials and is just as good if not better than Bosh's video two years ago. Only one problem. Gay, unlike Bosh two years earlier, doesn't deserve to be an All-Star. In fact, he's not even in the Top 10 vote-getters amongst forwards as of the last update on January 13th. It's not that he isn't a great player, but more due to the fact that he has names like Durant, Anthony, Gasol, Griffin, Duncan, and Nowitzki to compete with.
In that respect, it almost feels like a good video was wasted to fight a losing battle. Maybe next year. By then, Duncan and Nowitzki may be showing their age and Carmelo will be in the East. 

The Heatles Photoshops

"We call ourselves the Heatles," LeBron James said after a 96-82 win in Charlotte, the seventh in Miami's current run of nine straight victories. James was referring to the Heat's ability to sell out "99.1 percent" of their road games, and probably was speaking to the larger than life image that both the media and themselves have worked so hard to try and create.
It's 2011, and you know what the means. Any comment, figure, or situation that is even mildly amusing gets its own wave of photoshops. "The Heatles" are no exception.

These two photoshops, referencing The Beatles' second album, 1964's Meet the Beatles! may look familiar (scroll all the way up). Just thought I would point that out, to prove I do come up with a good idea from time to time. Ignore the fact that these two examples are clearly superior to my own. You'd probably like me a little less if the layout was the highlight of this blog -- which it very well may be.
The only gripe I have is with Juwan Howard's inclusion. Was he the only one with a photoshop-friendly pose? Wouldn't Big Z, or even Eddie House have made a better Ringo?
That's the beauty of the Heat -- three important pieces, and the rest of the parts are interchangeable. Maybe LeBron's Beatles comparison wasn't so far off.

LeBron, D. Wade Photo "Isn't That Great"

Morry Gash's sensational picture taken during Miami's 88-78 win over the Bucks on Monday has made its rounds across the Internet. The photo has received an unparalleled amount of praise and already seems to be in the running for 'Best Sports Photo of the Year,' and one of the great sports photos of all-time.

Not to belittle Gash's great work, but have we forgotten the subject? This is the Miami Heat we're talking about. They've won five in a row against teams with a combined .403 winning percentage and all of a sudden they're off the hook? Downgrading every Heat accomplishment this season, strictly for the fun of it, is a full time job, and one that can't be derailed because of a pretty picture.

I present a cold six pack of reasons why this photo "Isn't That Great:"

1) The Christ imagery. Did El Greco take this picture? LeBron did not die for my sins. James conveniently descends upon everyone with his arms out and his head tilted to the side, being touched by his father Dwyane Wade. I feel like a religious agenda is being pushed on me just by looking at this picture, and that, I cannot get down with.

2) While Wade looks like he's presenting a James dunk to the world, he's really just arguing with a referee. He's looking precisely where a referee would be standing in this situation, lobbying for a call. The NBA has made a point of issuing out more technicals this year to players who complain. That's exactly what Wade is doing, and like the NBA, we shouldn't praise him for it.

3) LeBron commented on the photo via Twitter, saying "By far one of the best sports pics I've seen taken." Be honest, doesn't that make you hate him and this photo even more? What if I held up my senior portrait and said, "By far one of the best senior pics I've seen taken?" First 'The Decision,' now this, you know what -- never mind. Commenting on LeBron James' ego is beating a dead horse in every sense of the saying.

4) It just so happens that Wade's finger is in LeBron's ear, a popular form of taunting, and an age old way of annoying the crap out of someone. They're playing Milwaukee, OK. Showing up was one big taunt.

5) It's a little unsettling that there's an American flag in the background. Three famous men who lied, manipulated, and walked all over the little people to team up in a position of power. What's so American about that?

6) I can't help but notice the Bucks players on the floor playing defense, and I use the term defense loosely. Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (number 12), Brandon Jennings (standing around the free throw line, just managed to get his head into the photo), and John Salmons (I would recognize those calfs anywhere) are the three defenders in the vicinity of James. All three have combined for .96 blocks per game this season.

Meanwhile, one of the best shot blockers in the league, Andrew Bogut (number 6, 2.6 blocks per game), and Milwaukee's second best shot blocker, Larry Sanders (number 8, 1.4 blocks per game) are at the other end of the floor. Call me when LeBron dunks on someone who's capable of blocking his shot.

I do have one giant reason to love this photo and that is because it symbolizes the Heat's season up to this point. Wade is the focus of attention, face of the franchise if you will, despite not shouldering the scoring load. While James does the dirty work, he still looks like an extension of Wade's hand, or better yet, a Lil' Penny-esque puppet that Wade controls. And Chris Bosh, well, he's at the other end of the court watching, happy to be there.

Even When Bosh Wins, He Loses

Wednesday night's game was supposed to be Chris Bosh's coming out party. Everything was set up perfectly. Bosh has been criticized all season for his pedestrian-like 14 points and 6 rebounds a game. He found himself matched up with the likes of Channing Frye, Hakim Warrick, and Earl Clark - three soft defenders, and a Heat team that was willing to defer to him, fully aware that Bosh needed a big game, and this was a match up he could exploit.
Bosh delivered with a 35 point performance. While most of his points were jumpers and drives to the basket, he still put together his first dominant offensive performance of the year. The six rebounds thing? I think it's just time to accept Bosh isn't a double-double guy anymore, at least not on this team. Wade and LeBron take away a lot of rebounds and Bosh doesn't look too interested in grabbing them.
While the nationally televised audience's attention should have been focused on Bosh's game, and it was to an extent, Bosh's post-game comments stole the show and took on a life of their own.
In the interview Bosh said, "[Heat coach Erik Spoelstra] knows he has to meet us halfway. He wants to work, we wanna chill, but we're going to have to work to get everything down, to get our timing down, and to get our chemistry down."



All I heard was, "He wants to work, we wanna chill..." Apparently I wasn't alone, Jeff Van Gundy and Stuart Scott both made a big deal about the comment later on in the broadcast.
I'm not one of those people that think athletes should be in the gym 20 hours day. They're human beings, they deserve down time just like anyone else. The fans just don't want to hear about the down time, especially when contrasted so bluntly with hard work. Athletes get paid a lot, and when a player making the max level 14.5 million dollars this year expresses his willingness to chill, it won't go over too well.
Bosh deserves the benefit of the doubt here. I'm sure his thoughts on team chemistry and how he was fitting in to the offense came out wrong. With that being said, his comments were harmful for two reasons:
1) They weren't taken out of context, that was the full quote. Context is an athlete's "Get Out of Jail Free Card." Whenever they say something misguided, they blame the journalist: it was taken out of context. LeBron James used that very same excuse recently when he said his, "I'm playing too many minutes, 44 minutes is too much," quote was taken out of context. Bosh doesn't have that luxury. The interview was on national TV, it wasn't taken out of context. It might have come out wrong, but he still said what he said.
2) When he said we want to chill, he put words, and not so flattering words, into his teammate's mouths. They should be able to speak for themselves. Now one man's perceived laziness has the potential to become the aura surrounding the team's culture.
The Heat asked for these Presidential levels of scrutiny. I think they underestimated how bad it would get, but now have to deal with it, Bosh especially. He's like the youngest of the three brothers. What is anyone going to say to LeBron or Wade? They take over games. They've led previous teams to playoff success. We pick on the little brother because it's easy. He can't fight back so he has to call on his older brothers to come and beat us up. That's when we'll run and hide.
A halftime and a post-game interview was probably a dream come true for Bosh. He's made no secret about the fact he wants to be seen. He spent the entire offseason looking for attention. His performance, or lack thereof, on the court will get enough attention. He needs to be more careful about what he says because right now, he's only adding fuel to the fire. Apparently small market Toronto didn't prepare him for this.

Tonight We Make NBA History

Every generation of basketball fans have their defining moment. That moment is what they will associate with basketball from the era they grew up.
My defining moments were twofold. The first occurred on April 16, 1996 - the day the Bulls won their NBA record 70th regular season game. At the time, I was nine years old, and didn't fully understand the significance of that record. The post game interviews on the court with Johnny "Red" Kerr, mountains of merchandise marking the event, or the fact that the Bradley Center was filled with mostly Bulls fans that night still didn't completely register with me.
It was something my dad said that night. We were watching the post game interviews and he turned to me and said, "You know, you're really lucky that you got to see Michael Jordan play."
That was it. And that's all it took.
To me, Jordan was a constant. He had been playing for the Bulls for four years before I was even born. I grew up rooting for a Championship basketball team, the best player in the world, and had no idea how unusual that was. Kind of like being born into money. You mean, everyone doesn't live in a mansion, have a maid, and a chauffeur to drive them around?
Of course, things had changed for me by 1998, now age eleven. It was pretty well known that this was going to be Jordan's last year, and the last year of the Bulls dynasty as a whole. I was a little older, and beginning to appreciate how hard it was to win as many games and championships as the Bulls did.
So when Jordan made that last shot in Utah to clinch the 1998 NBA Finals, I knew it was the end of an era, and consequently, my memories of basketball growing up.
The Bulls' 70th win and Jordan's game winner are the two moments that embody that NBA era to me.

The opening night of the 2010-11 NBA season tonight will mark a similar significance in NBA history, none of which actually has to do with what happens on the court. The Heat might win, so might the Celtics. LeBron, or Wade, or Bosh, or even all three may have a big game.
Either way, many people will overreact after the outcome of this game is decided. Celtics win and they're better than the Heat, and an NBA Finals lock. Heat lose, and they're a sham, if they win, they'll contend for 72 wins.
The fact of the matter is that the first game of the season doesn't decide anything in the NBA. This game is significant for a number of other reasons. This offseason marked the shift in power from the owners to players and the advantage of bigger markets over smaller markets despite a salary cap meant to level the playing field. It marked the changing dynamics of fans and athletes, and possibly the end of star players' competitive fire as we knew it. The Heat's opening game will bring all of these combative and sometimes confusing ideas to fruition.
If there's one thing I'm sure of it's that we won't know the significance of the Heat until about 2030. By that time, the championships, wins, and careers of the players involved will be an afterthought. We'll be able to look back at the nature of fan reactions and media coverage.
Until then, enjoy the 2010-11 NBA season. We're witnessing the most significant moment of this NBA era, we're just not sure what that significance is yet.