To All The Przybillas and a Hundred Dollar Billas

"Disappointment never looked this good."

I happened again. The Bulls dropped their third in the last five after only losing three of their first sixteen games. It's obviously time to panic. You can only place the onus on Deng's return for so long. The Bulls need to make a move and they need to do it now. Dwight Howard recently said he'd be interested in playing in Chicago. He also unknowingly agreed to a long-term deal with the Beirut Bandits, so take his word for what it's worth. Howard to the Bulls isn't happening and Bulls fans know it. Think smaller, more under the radar, but big impact implications. Consider a different 7-foot shot-blocking machine who used to grab 20 boards when given the playing time. Think Joel Przybilla. He's been waiting patiently. He's wants back in. He has plenty to prove and he needs to prove it in a Bulls uniform.

Przybilla was the 9th overall pick in the 2000 Draft--a draft renowned for its legendary awfulness. This alone makes him a particularly suitable candidate to play 10 minutes a game every tenth game. The oft-injured center was seen jiving on the bench with Greg Oden during his six-year stint in Portland. The duo made the best of a frustrating situation. They compared suits, often leaving the price tag on because who wants to pay for 55 different suits a season when they can just take them back? They chastised Andre Miller's haircut from a distance and exchanged sweet potato pie recipes. Occasionally Przybilla would be forced to leave his friend and play in a game that night. Oden, sulking and lonely, watched as Przybilla developed into a defensive force. He blocked shots and grabbed rebounds with the ferociousness of a descending turkey vulture. He did all of the things (besides score) that Oden was supposed to do better and more frequently for the Trail Blazers.

The Sixers scored 46 of their 98 points in the paint (47 percent) against the Bulls last night. That number is entirely too high for a perimeter-oriented team. Now I ask you, would Przybilla's presence at the end of the Bulls' bench not help in this department? Would his acquisition not put the Eastern Conference on notice like Rasual Butler's did last year? At the very least, Przybilla provides insurance should one of the bigs go down with an injury, assuming Przybilla doesn't go down with an injury first. Przybilla's arrival would also allow Brian Scalabrine to return to the familiar 'victory cigar' role he excelled at last season. In a lockout-shortened season bereft of continuity, Przybilla's arrival could change everything.

As much as I would like to suggest differently, my newfound support of Przybilla is motivated by a case of 'Keeping up with the Jameses.' Przybilla is currently mulling over offers from the Bulls and Heat and expected to make a decision sometime this week. If the Bulls don't get Przybilla, then the Heat do, and I don't want the Heat to get anyone. Envy has its limits. The Heat can take Eddy Curry and place whatever hopes they feel comfortable with on his ability to not register on the Richter Scale. Eddy Curry at best is a resealed driveway. Przybilla could potentially be new siding. I don't care if you can't afford it. You dip into the savings, call up your father-in-law crying, do whatever you have to do to make sure your asshole neighbors aren't the only ones in the neighborhood with new siding.

In summation, Joel Przybilla will contribute very little to the Bulls. He won't play unless someone is injured, but he will designate Scalabrine back to the bench. He may be the secret weapon to clogging up driving lanes in the playoffs or he may pull up lame his first game back on the court. He certainly will not have a problem elbowing a driving Derrick Rose in the head, and I would much rather it be a driving LeBron James or Dwyane Wade he is elbowing in the head. The Heat could use a goonish big man and thus, should not be allowed to have one.

Make it happen Bulls. Send someone else out on the recruiting trip if Derrick Rose doesn't want to go. Joel Przybilla cannot land in Miami. Where he goes will shift the balance of power in the East or make no difference at all.     

Scalabrine Minutes

Brian Scalabrine strips away the familiarity and comfort of his Chicago Bulls home warm-up. It's time to go to work.

Brian Scalabrine, by virtue of playing on an NBA team, will forever be confounding. His game is not the confusing part. Scalabrine is a moderately skilled player who, at this point in his career, does nothing on the basketball court particularly well. His value is as a locker room guy -- a guy who keeps the other players loose and helps them understand the system he knows in and out. Scalabrine, by all accounts, is a sharp basketball mind and a future head coach. The NBA is filled with smart bench players. Why is it that Scalabrine is the only one who receivers standing ovations?

The popular explanation deems Scalabrine "the human victory cigar." He only plays when the Bulls are blowing their opponent out. His entrance into the game then makes it official: the Bulls have secured a victory. When the UC crowd chants for Scalabrine, they're really just chanting for the game to be wrapped and delivered. There's of course more to it than that. What makes Scalabrine different from the 12th man on the bench in every other city is his appearance. The curly red hair, pasty skin, pot belly, and lack of athleticism are the traits you'd give your 2K Created Player because they look funny. He's the exact opposite of what a prototypical NBA player is supposed to look like. Seventy-five to eighty percent of the UC crowd on any given night bears more resemblance to Scalabrine than any other Bulls player, and people like rooting for players they look like. Appearance-wise, what truly separates Scal from the crowd is his height, furthering the popular fan delusion that they too would be a professional basketball player if they were 6'9.

To Scal's credit he doesn't seem upset over the increasingly patronizing chants. He only cares about the respect of his teammates and coaches and dismisses his name as one that "just sounds good coming off the tongue." Bulls fans have been debating about the "Scalabrine" chants since last year. Some consider them harmless fun and others feel they are embarrassing and racially motivated. Race and overall appearance, I believe, do play the biggest factor, but if Scalabrine isn't offended and his teammates aren't offended, then let the crowd chant. Scalabrine and the chants aren't going to disappear anyway.

This is what I came here to talk about: Scalabrine is seeing more playing time this year. It's been strange. Last year, even with a 20-point lead, the "Scalabrine" chants fell on deaf ears. This year, the "Scalabrine" chants are followed by Scalabrine checking in. Could it be? Has Thibs finally started to soften up and concede the game is in hand? Of course not, the rotation is just different this year. You probably don't remember and neither did I, but Scalabrine was part of the regular rotation early last year. He appeared in only 18 games on the season and played 87 total minutes. Forty-nine of those 87 minutes were in the first five games of the year!

Carlos Boozer's preseason injury left minutes open at power forward and Thibs favored Scalabrine off the bench over Kurt Thomas. Boozer returned and Thomas played well in Joakim Noah's absence, leaving Scal as the odd man out. This year, rookie shooting guard/small forward Jimmy Butler occupies Thomas' old roster spot. When it comes time to clear the bench, Scalabrine gets the call because he no longer has three guys playing in front of him.

The reconstructed roster then, more so than a condensed schedule or Thibs' loosening his authoritarian grip, is the reason Scalabrine has appeared in 8 of the Bulls' first 16 games. So if Scalabrine minutes are your favorite part of the Bulls game,  thank Kurt Thomas for taking his forearm shivers and silky smooth elbow set-shot to Portland. Send him a "Thank You" card. Or a telegram.   

The One-Man Cover Band, Tips Not Included

Matt Forte carried the literal and figurative load on Sunday. He caught 53 percent of Chicago's completed passes, ran for 80 percent of their carries, and accounted for a staggering 67 percent of the Bears' total offense. Forte also cooked pancakes in the morning, delivered personalized wake-up calls to his 52 teammates and drove the team bus to the Superdome. He was planning on returning kicks, but Devin Hester is so damn stubborn (and conscious of the record-book). 

There's nothing left for Forte but to get paid. NFL football is a business, as we're told, and one of the most brutal. For every 30-million dollar guaranteed contract there are hundreds of over-performing players working for, let's suspend basic human judgement and call them "pennies." The risk of career ending injury is higher than any other major American sport by a wide margin. Contracts are not guaranteed and the average running back lasts 2.57 years in the league. Management wants the best value (i.e. cheap labor) and players want long-term security. 

Watching Forte on Sunday, I couldn't help but feel like he was being run into the ground. It was not Martz's intention to run 70 percent of the offense through one player, it just happened to work out that way. Each carry, each reception, and especially each hit takes its toll. Thousands of potential running backs are waiting in the wings. The sad reality of an NFL player, especially a running back, is that the second he earns a starting job, his team is scouring the scene for his potential replacement -- better sooner than later. Forte shoulders the offensive load, and a whole lot more than that.

In order to bring a little light to his contract situation, Forte had a talk with Bulls back-up power forward Taj Gibson -- another young player whose production and compensation don't match. Joakim Noah makes a special guest appearance.    

"Sup, Taj?"

"Uh, do I know you?"

"It's me, Matt. Matt Forte. Chicago Bears running back."

"I see you went ahead and shaved your head there."

"Yeah. You like it?"

"Hmm, how do I...We look kind of alike, bro."

"I know! I modeled my new look after you. Your dunk over D. Wade in the Playoffs -- Nothing short of inspirational."

"This was kind of my thing."

"Did somebody say THING?!?!"

"Wait...Ya'll some twins. Hehehe."

"Leave him alone, Joakim. He's going through a really rough time right now. The Bears front office won't renegotiate his contract. He's only making 600 grand this year."

"600?!?! Get the fuck outta here. Should I tell him what Booz made last year?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

"Even Scal made over a mil. I have to tell him that."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THAT'S EVEN WORSE."

"Man, between the guaranteed contracts, lack of serious head trauma, and the ability to walk after our career is over, we make out pretty good."

"What are you guys saying over there?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I like the new look, by the way."

"Alright, well I gotta run. Martz is designing 1200 new plays for Green Bay and I'm the number one option in all of them." 

Reaching For The Lance Briggs Jersey

At one point, ten years ago, it was socially acceptable for a grown man to wear a jersey while going about his everyday life. Not so in 2011. Jersey-wearing has been relegated to either the paying fan in attendance, or (usually football) fan taking in the game at a bar. I'm not sure if I'm alone in this assumption, but I tend to judge people based on the jersey they're wearing. These assumptions are wide-ranging and are based on anything from the player's persona to the age and make of the jersey. For example, a LeBron James Heat jersey warrants a 0 on the 1-10 Respect Scale from me, whereas a Detlef Schrempf Sonics pre-1995 logo change jersey warrants a 10.

I have an issue with men who wear the jersey of a player who has long since played for a particular team. To this day, I spot Cade McNown, Kyle Orton, and Muhsin Muhammad jerseys around Chicago-area bars. I'm sorry, you may be the world's biggest Greg Olsen or Nathan Vasher fan, but those Bears jerseys no longer have any business being worn out in public. There's a few exceptions to the former player rule. First, if a player is retired and his best years were spent with the team on the jersey then it's OK to wear. However, if this former player also spent the twilight of his career, struggling to stay on with a few other teams, these jerseys are unacceptable. If Green Bay fans want to forgive and forget and dust off the ol' Brett Favre number 4, then that's fine. Brett Favre Jets and Vikings jerseys should remain in the back of the closet collecting dust.  Jerseys of a franchise's all-time greats are also acceptable in my book. You'll see a smattering of 34s, 51s, and 89s at Soldier Field this year. It's good to pay homage.

When considering which player's jersey to purchase, I have six simple rules:

1) Don't be fooled by the fan favorite that somehow is beloved even though he sucks at playing his sport. Tony Campana and Brian Scalabrine are better examples than any Bears player.
2) Stay away from the big-contract guy your team just snagged away. This is more of an issue in basketball or baseball where contracts are guaranteed and player productions sometimes falls off once they receive their payday. Julius Peppers is a good football counterexample.
3) Beware of the one-year wonder. These are sometimes hard to identify, but a good bet is on a guy who was drafted in the late-first or second round of the NBA draft, a closer, or a Pro Bowl special teams player.
4) Make sure the player in question will be with your team for at least three more years -- there's nothing worse (in the jersey purchasing world) than ponying up 80+ dollars for a jersey of a player who is traded or leaves as a free-agent a year later. It is almost impossible to predict trades, but age, production, contract situation, team needs, and how close or far away a team is from contending are good indicators. If there's even a hint of a player testing the free-agent waters, hold off on his jersey purchase.
5) If a player how gotten into even the slightest bit of off the field trouble, reevaluate the jersey purchase. This is the hardest point to adhere to, mainly because an athlete's character is often misunderstood or overblown to move along a slow news day.
6) Under no circumstances should you buy a LeBron James Heat jersey.

Lance Briggs is the only NFL jersey I have ever owned. I always wanted an NFL jersey to wear on Sundays. As luck would have it, my girlfriend and my anniversary was/is a week before the start of football season. She needed a gift idea and I was more than happy to suggest a Bears jersey. I wrote last year about the general lack of excitement surrounding the Bears before the start of the season. At the time, Briggs seemed to be the only Bear worthy of a jersey purchase.

I proudly wore my Briggs jersey during every game last year. Little did I know, I broke rule number 5 on my list. Lance Briggs hasn't had any pressing off the field issues -- unless you want to count the time he crashed his Lamborghini on Edens Expressway and left the scene under mysterious circumstances. It's kind of amazing this didn't draw more ire than it did.

Briggs does however have a reputation for being a bit of headcase. After being hit with the franchise tag in 2007 to prevent him from becoming a free-agent he demanded a trade, and, among other things said, "I've played my last snap for them. I'll never play another down for Chicago again." The Bears caved and Briggs received a 6-year deal worth up to 36 million before the 2007 season and is currently looking for a new deal.

I understand the lack of guaranteed contracts combined with football's inherent injury risk places players in a difficult situation. They feel they should be compensated relative to what the next guy with similar production is getting. They can be cut or suffer a career ending injury at any time, lose guaranteed millions and most people won't blink an eye. There's a sense of urgency from NFL players to get paid NOW, and there has to be. I understand, but how many contract squabbles are too many?

To tie everything together, since I believe everything comes back around, I wonder: how will people judge a man in a Lance Briggs jersey? Not warmly, I presume. Especially if Briggs' contract talk, or lack thereof, seems to have an impact on the season. Briggs has not played a down of preseason football due to injury. Just as the man wearing the LeBron James 6 navigates his way through life constantly being shot sideways glances, I too am prepared for a potential Lance Briggs backlash. If wearing his jersey means I'll be looked at as a whining, insecure, money grabber who needs to be coddled and reaffirmed of his place in the world, then so be it. The jersey fits, after all.

Thoughts On The Bulls First Preseason Game

Kyle Korver is going to be a much more important edition than most of us anticipated. While it was largely believed Korver would stand out by the three point line and become the recipient of Rose's drive and kick outs, Korver will probably play a bigger role than that. Thibodeau had him coming off screens, and with his quick release, he was extremely effective, shooting 7-12 from the floor.
Corey Brewer was out, so he obviously couldn't compete with Korver tonight, but from what I saw Tuesday, Korver's making a strong case for the starting 2 guard spot. The only question is if he can hold up defensively. Hopefully, the preseason will present some opportunities for us to find out.
It looks like within this offense, Taj Gibson will be asked to shoot the midrange jumper. He had a few wide open looks and only made one of them. With Boozer out, the Bulls find themselves in a familiar position, lacking an inside scoring presence. Until then, Gibson will have to hit that shot consistently, because neither him or Noah are feared down low.
Speaking of Noah, he was not only aggressive on the boards (as expected), but on the offensive end as well. Much has been made about Noah's offensive development over the offseason. Reports have said he's been working on a hook shot, although he didn't showcase it in Tuesday's game. Noah's touch around the rim didn't look too good, but that could possibly be attributed to early season rust.
Luol Deng looked as comfortable than ever in Thibodeau's offense. Thibodeau made it a point after he was hired to speak on how he believed Deng wasn't being used properly in Vinny Del Negro's offense. In the past, Deng was more effective when he was able to slash to the basket, rather than settling for jumpers like he was expected to do in Del Negro's system.

Soon-to-be fan favorite Brian Scalabrine will make this team. Brought in because he played within Thibodeau's system in Boston, Scalabrine looked great on the offensive and defensive end. Familiarity within a system is a bigger factor to success than most people realize, and Scalabrine has plenty of that. The biggest thing about Scalabrine is he knows his role. He plays solid defense, and won't try to do too much on the offensive end. He'll take an open shot if it's there. At this point, I'd much rather have him at the end of the bench than James Johnson's out of control play.
He only played 18 minutes, but Brandon Jennings didn't look for his shot as much as he did last season. I'm not sure if it was Scott Skiles' intention, but it looked like Skiles was trying to mold Jennings into a more prototypical point guard, rather than the shoot first guard he was last year.
Milwaukee will have plenty of scoring options this year, and while Jennings was one of the most exciting players in the league last year, it's probably in the Bucks' best interest to make Jennings more of a distributor.
Both teams are extremely deep. No Bogut, Salmons, or Maggette for Milwaukee. No Brewer or Boozer for Chicago. That's five combined starters, and there was still plenty of quality on the floor. This will be a great battle all season, between what looks like the cream of the crop in the Central Division.