These Are Our Heroes

The Bears promote Mike Tice to offensive coordinator. 

Jay Cutler likens a successful offense to driving a car. A REAL one, not one of those hybrid pussy-repellents.

Mike Tice cannot think of a more apt comparison, and plans to incorporate this knowledge into his pregame "Light a Fire Under Their Asses" talks.

Caleb Hanie fell asleep in Driver's Ed classroom because he just wanted to drive, man. And when is he ever going to use this stuff in the real world anyway?

Mike Martz enjoys a white wine spritzer. He's working on that screenplay he's put off for far too long.

Lovie Smith locks himself in the office in preparation for next season. Then he discovers Xvideos. Nice little website they have there. He dials home, "I'm going to be in late tonight, honey! Don't wait up!"

The Packers are still the best team in football.

Ballin' Like Jordan

JAY CUTLER and AARON RODGERS walk the streets of downtown Green Bay. CUTLER wears sunglasses despite it being 6:30 at night and a black hoodie over his head. RODGERS wears a black ski mask as to appear inconspicuous. After much good-natured debate, the two finally settle on Angelina Restaurant, a fine Italian eatery. They take their seats in the back, isolated from the other patrons. Their host flips CUTLER the bird as he returns to the front desk. CUTLER does not notice.


RODGERS: Friend, it is an honor to have you here with me in this beautiful city to enjoy a bountiful meal.

CUTLER: 25 bucks for the veal?!?! You're paying, right?

RODGERS: Of course. What kind of host would I be? Besides, I've always wanted to thank you for the way you've taken my brother Jordan under your wing. You wouldn't know it, but he was pretty scared to go out to Vanderbilt. His heart was in California.

CUTLER: It was nothing, really. Good kid. Can't quarterback for SHIT, but not everyone is meant to succeed at Vanderbilt. In fact, NO ONE is meant to succeed at Vanderbilt. He caught Florida at a good time. He caught Tennessee at a good time -- AND STILL LOST.

RODGERS: I've also been concerned with his performance of late. Believe me, I've watched the tape. Cincinnati is sure to pose a serious threat. I worry about his preparation. I worry about his focus.

CUTLER: "Preparation." "Focus." What do those words even mean? That's a bunch of coachspeak. You don't need to worry about those things.

RODGERS: I AM worried. I haven't spoken to him in months. I phoned him just a week ago and someone picked up and didn't say anything. All I heard was fart noises and hip-hop playing in the background.

CUTLER: Sounds like a fucking blast. Too bad I was cooped up in that shitty Denver hotel.

RODGERS: Has he reached out to you? It's driving me crazy. When did it become a burden to give his big brother a call back?

CUTLER: This is a busy time of the year for him. He's probably studying for final exams. And by 'studying for final exams,' I mean hitting the books. And by 'hitting the books' I mean stroking the intellect. And by 'stroking the intellect' I mean having sex with 18-year-old coeds.

RODGERS: GAAAA. My suspicions have been confirmed. I realize college is a time for fun and experimentation, but this is his FUTURE we're talking about. I've typed his name into Google Images and have discovered some absolutely repugnant photographs.

CUTLER: Let's see 'em.

RODGERS: Here is the first one I came across:

    

CUTLER: [Laughing obnoxiously] That's JUST a Halloween costume.

RODGERS: What kind of self-respecting, heterosexual man dresses up as a cheerleader for Halloween?

CUTLER: The kind who is trying to get a little novelty pussy. That's who.

RODGERS: What about this one:

CUTLER: [Suddenly very stern] Photoshopped.

RODGERS: Oh, thank God. This one was almost too much to bear.

CUTLER: No, I mean the Shake Weight is photoshopped. There was something else ENTIRELY in his hands.

RODGERS: OH Dear Me! I....I can't. All of this monkey business ENDS NOW.

CUTLER: Give him a break, friend. I know this is hard for you to believe, but some of us quarterbacks are perfectly capable of living happy and productive lives without mercilessly dissecting a defense. We're flawed. We laugh at our shortcomings. We get by the best we can.

RODGERS: Jordan is not your average run-of-the-mill quarterback. He has it in him to be GREAT. I know it.  

CUTLER: Far be it from me to judge your kid brother. I've only worked out with him. What do I know?

RODGERS: I have a plan. A TOP SECRET PLAN. Can you keep a secret?

CUTLER: Why all the secrets? Just last week Tim Tebow told me.....

RODGERS: Told you what?

CUTLER: Nothing.

RODGERS: Anyway, I've devised a plan to ensure that Jordan gets his head on straight. He's going to be visiting me in Green Bay for Christmas. I'm going to sneak him into the locker room hours before game time. We look enough alike. He'll dress in my jersey and pads and play quarterback for the Green Bay Packers this  Sunday night. Christmas Day. Bears-Packers. Best rivalry in football.

CUTLER: That sounds like a fantastic idea.

RODGERS: What better way to inoculate him into the pro game than against Julius Peppers with no right tackle and the number one seed in the NFC on the line?

CUTLER: I've played three years in Chicago without a right tackle. It's not easy.

CUTLER: We also have Luc McNabb or whatever his name is starting, so Jordan should have no problem winning the game.

RODGERS: EXACTLY. I want him to play poorly and still win. I want to show him the embarrassment that comes with your team winning despite you. Hopefully this will be the necessary first step in getting him to take his position and the game of football seriously.

CUTLER: I see no holes in this plan whatsoever, even if I do think you're being a bit harsh on him. Now tell me, where are the hot spots in Green Bay? I'M DYING TO WHIP MY DICK OUT.

RODGERS: You're at one of them.

CUTLER: This veal IS delicious.

A Special Christmas Gift

CALEB HANIE is seated in a dimly lit room. He is dejected, head buried in his hands and runs his fingers through his hair. JAY CUTLER overlooks him and rummages behind a mini refrigerator. The room smells like a mixture of gasoline and cleaning solvent. Both men are keenly aware of this, though neither seems to mind. CUTLER finds what he is looking for -- a bottle of Old Grand-Dad, 114 Barrel Proof. CUTLER produces two whiskey tumblers with ice. He pours the drinks.


CUTLER: Here, drink this.


HANIE: I really shouldn't.


CUTLER: DRINK.


HANIE: If you say so.


CUTLER: It will help you deal with that prick Shane Day.


HANIE: [Finishes glass, Cutler fills him up] I hate that prick. Did you know he wasn't even a quarterback in college. He was a fucking wide receiver. How is he qualified to be a quarterbacks coach?

CUTLER: I did know that. Believe me -- I do my homework. I remind the weasel of his past everyday. I also put Super Glue on the temple covers of his glasses.

HANIE: I feel like I cost us the game.

CUTLER: You did cost us the game. But it's OK. The important thing is to never admit you cost your team the game. Talk about how Oakland is a hostile environment and you can't help but feel dragged down by the protests and year-long Halloween parties. Talk about how you and your receivers are not yet on the same page. Mention how Johnny Knox seems to be playing on a fucking Slip-N-Slide every week. It's not hard, Caleb. It really isn't think. Think of what they want you to say and then say the opposite. Or rely on the one-word response. Whichever.

HANIE: I've placed so much pressure on myself. I just....

CUTLER: I understand. Your family, your beautiful wife, were in attendance. You embarrassed them. They were too afraid to even show up in Bears gear. You dad wanted desperately to cheer when we got back within 5 and he couldn't. He knew you weren't driving the team down the field to win the game.

HANIE: [tears forming] I just wanted to prove....to prove to everyone I could play quarterback in this league. My whole life....I've waited....for this moment. And I couldn't come through.

CUTLER: You can't be so hard on yourself. You'll never succeed in this league with that kind of mentality. Putting all this pressure on yourself -- it's leads to some crazy things. Do you want multiple neck surgeries? Do you want to knock up two women concurrently? Take a look in the mirror. This is where your life is heading.

HANIE: [sobbing loudly now] I've always been....I've always been taught....that winning....winning is everything. You should....you should always do your best....but sometimes your best is not good enough. And then....then it's OK to hate yourself.

CUTLER: CHRIST ALMIGHTY! It's a football game. I emphasize the "game" part for a reason. Play them. Not just on the field, but off. Blame Martz. He didn't put you in position to succeed. End of the second quarter, 2nd and 1 on Oakland's 7-yard line, and what does the asshole do? He calls a misdirection pass across the field. That was one of the STUPIDEST FUCKING THINGS I've seen in my life. Pound the rock, goddamnit....

HANIE: But if I would have made a better throw....

CUTLER: Bullshit! That's the type of play where you call timeout and tell Martz to "Fuck Off." I'm serious. If he pulls that shit next week, I expect you to call timeout and tell him to "Fuck Off." Make sure to tell Shane Day to fuck off too, for good measure.

HANIE: What about when I overshot Forte by a good 10 yards?

CUTLER: [fills Hanie's glass back up] It was you FIRST CAREER START. These things happen. Remember your first fuck? We've all fucked a kneecap for a couple minutes before realizing....

HANIE: I just want it to get better. I want my teammates to look me in the eye and say....

CUTLER: You NEVER want your teammates looking you in the eye -- for any reason. Take my word. Let them do their jobs and yours if need be. Our defense is fucking maniacal. You were giving Oakland plenty of good starting field and the D was just clamping the fuck down. That's what they do. They like the challenge. They're used to having to win games by themselves. Let them do it. If an alcoholic wants a drink, the best thing you can do is give him one.

HANIE: So you're saying....what are you saying?

CUTLER: I'm saying that you don't have to live within your means. Look -- you're never going to have my talent. The throws I make look easy -- you can't make those throws. But that shouldn't stop you from trying. You have people you can blame and other people to bail you out when you fuck up. Use them. Play each game like it's your last. This will be your only chance to ever start in the NFL. Don't let your inhibitions hold you back. 'Let It Fly' -- this is my motto, and a damn good one to live by.

HANIE puts his face down to the table. He remains silent, struggling between CUTLER's advice, and his own, which demands perfection and accountability. He's torn. He feels like vomiting and even dry heaves multiple times. CUTLER notices and feels now is a better time than ever.


CUTLER: Hey Caleb -- I know you've had a really rough go of it lately. So -- well -- I wanted to get you a little something. Just to let you know I'm in your corner.


HANIE: [taken aback] A gift? You didn't have to do that.


CUTLER: I know, but it's Christmas time, and well, here.


CUTLER hands HANIE a greeting card, sealed in a navy blue envelope. HANIE pulls out the card and three Trojan Large condoms.


CUTLER: Ahh, shit. Those weren't supposed to be in there.


HANIE hands CUTLER the condoms and takes the card out of the envelope. On the front is a picture of a smiling Jay Cutler with the heading, 'Who Treats his Back-Up Well?' The inside says, '#CuttyDoesIt.' Suddenly the card begins to play music. The tune is one HANIE recognizes but cannot place. This is the jingle.

HANIE: [Begins to recognize where he has heard this music before] Whaaa.......Whaaa........You didn't?!?!

CUTLER: [laughing] Let's head out to the parking lot.

HANIE: [screams and jumps into CUTLER's arms] I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I FEEL LIKE I'M ON OPRAH!!!!!!!!

CUTLER: That's right, baby! Jay Cutty's coming back Christmas Day to beat those Green Bay faggots. MERRY MOTHER FUCKIN' CHRISTMAS.

Caleb Hanie drives home in his new Lexus with a beaming smile on his face. He leaves the bow on top. He jams to America's greatest hits and thinks to himself, 'Cutty will win us a Super Bowl one day!'

A Most Sincere Appreciation of all Things Packers

I took a trip over to the local library this afternoon to return a book and came across, dare I say, a typical Chicago Bears fan. Like all Bears fans, this one was more concerned with the Packers than his own team. He wore a heavy blue and white flannel shirt, a black knitted cap, and stood, feet firmly planted on the roof. Whether he was up there to fix something or bring home his point I don't know. Another man, bigger, perhaps more rational held the ladder and yelled up to him, "They're all saying Aaron Rodgers is overrated." Keep in mind I approached them mid-conversation so I couldn't tell you how they got to that point. My immediate reaction was, "ALL? Who's saying such a thing? No large, reactionary group of people could possibly be that stupid." The man on the roof yelled down to him, "Aaron Rodgers IS overrated." This was his moment, his statement to end all statements -- a thought more definitive than any he'd conjured up in 35 or so years of living. 

Suddenly, the wind gusts picked up. Blue and white flannel shirt man began to sway -- arms flailing -- at the edge of the roof. "He IS overrated," he continued. "He IS." It became clear to me that he felt the wind was a sign from God. A powerful force meant to smite him and he stood there on the edge of the roof firm in his convictions. The wind continued to howl, and he kept going. "He IS, he IS, he IS..." His upper body now hung over the edge and he looked like he was performing the breaststroke in the swimming pool of his creation. The man on the ground, clearly concerned, mumbled something to the effect of, "You might want to get down from there." But the man on the roof enjoyed this too much. He was getting a kick out of battling his brisk, assuming enemy. He was winning.   

The wind slowly died down and blue and white flannel shirt man took two steps back to gather himself. He surveyed the bikes and cars he was overlooking, and I'd have to assume, felt above it all. "I'm so sick of hearing about the goddamn Packers everywhere I turn." He averted his gaze. "9-0 my ass." This man nearly plummeted to his death, and for what? The current is coming to sweep us all away. It's best to trend in its general direction, lay our heads down, and let it take us where it will.

* * *

Let's clearly establish one thing from the get-go: Aaron Rodgers is the best player in the NFL. This is not debatable. It's bad enough I have to hear about how overrated Rodgers is in real life, but then I have to venture onto some Internet hatespeak platform masquerading as a legitimate website, only to hear that Aaron Rodgers isn't even having the most impressive season from a quarterback in the last five years. These propaganda-flingers will have you believe Tom Gay-dy's 2007 season trumps anything Rodgers will do this year. PUH-LEASE. They'll have you believe the rules are so slanted towards modern day offenses that Rodgers' numbers deserve the Roger Maris asterisk treatment. You want to talk about asterisks? Here's one: Randy Gene Moss. Tom Gay-dy simply threw the ball up and allowed Moss in all his gazelle-footed glory to run out and get it. You've seen some of those catches, no? Underthrown, overthrown, ten yards to the right, ten yards to the left, one hand free, no hands free. It didn't matter. Unless a back physically tackled Moss, there was no way he wasn't coming down with the ball. Wes Welker wasn't going to make those catches, folks. Deion Branch wasn't going to make those catches. And Moss accounted for almost half of Brady's 50 touchdown passes that year. LOL. Take Moss off the team and Gay-dy's numbers are looking mad average. Get that shit outta here, bro.

Now I'm supposed to believe Aaron Rodgers has someone of Moss' caliber in Green Bay. Don't get me wrong, Greg Jennings is the most underappreciated receiver in all of football, but Greg Jennings isn't making those catches. Jordy Nelson is a white guy named Jordy and Rodgers is making him look like a beast out there. Rodgers is placing passes so perfectly in between James Jones' hands that he can't even drop them. Donald Driver is 58-years old. McCarthy and Rodgers are drawing up misdirection shovel passes because they look cool on the whiteboard and they want to throw John Kuhn a bone once in a while. I believe in this defense too. They're going to get better because they have Pro Bowlers and they can't get any worse.

I know what you're thinking, Internet stat-geeks. The Packers couldn't possibly go 19-0. There's too much parity in this league. The pressure is too great. The 2007 Gay-triots had the best chance we'll ever see and that ship has sailed. Now Aaron Rodgers is obviously working with a lot less than Gay-dy had, but this should not sway you. This Packers team is light years ahead of what the rest of the league is doing. Look at their remaining schedule. Who's honestly going to beat them? I see you, Internet word-nerds, moisturizing your delicate hands and circling Week 13 against the Giants. LOL. Have you forgotten dum-dum Eli Manning still quarterbacks these New York football Giants? Have you forgotten the wounded ducks Eli is capable of throwing in adverse New York weather conditions? The Giants are going to punt to Randall Cobb -- this year's DeSean Jackson. Tom Coughlin will be tomato-red in the face five minutes in trying to match wits with McCarthy. The Packers might just line-up Ryan Grant at tight end because you never know, and it would give something for future opponents to think about.

It's time for me to address my fellow Bears fans because, quite frankly, some of you are embarrassing in the alcoholic uncle sort of way. Like, I'm embarrassed to even be associated with some of you. All this picking and prodding and advanced statistics and this "They're weak in the secondary!!" garbage takes you back to square one: 9-0. Kiss the ring, watch the throne, whatever. I know I am. How can you honestly watch a Packers game and not take delight in a guy like James Starks? This is a guy who was given nothing. Watch him truck a defensive back and tell me this guy doesn't run with a purpose. I look at the stat sheet and Starks runs for 60 yards and it feels like 150 because his aura, his entire presence on the football field feels magical in a way that a biased Bears fan couldn't understand. How can you watch Rodgers and Jennings execute a perfect 10-yard slant without your eyes getting a little bit watery? I was in the middle of a momentous cry during last night's second quarter and my girlfriend walked in on me. I had to tell her my best friend from childhood died. Car accident. I don't feel good about that one bit, but if you appreciate good football, the Packers are sure to turn you into one of those Miller Lite pussies. 

It would be irresponsible of me to exit before singling out the exemplary performance from the Packer faithful Monday Night. They're the best and most loyal fan base in all of professional sports for a reason and you saw it yesterday. Jared Allen managed to stumble into a few sacks like he's been doing all season and tried the hog tie routine at Lambeau Field. Know one thing: Packers fans will extend a forgiving hand for many things (addiction to painkillers, sexual assault, drunk driving, lean), but a repetitive, unimaginative celebration that isn't called the Lambeau Leap is not one of them. You tried to get gully in front of the most rapid fan base in all of sports Mr. Allen and you got your ass handed to you. Don't ever try it again. 

Did you even know the city of Green Bay owns the Packers? I didn't until yesterday. Pretty neat fact. And this is what truly separates Green Bay from every other NFL city. It's in the blood. Kids are born and their parents immediately put them on the season-ticket waiting list. Never mind that they don't really like football and would rather play the piano -- they're going to go outdoors in -10 degree weather, grill some brats, drink some beer, and toss around the pigskin until their knuckles crack and bleed. There's no choice in the matter. So while Chicago parents are coddling their children and allowing them to "pursue their interests," Green Bay children are being force-fed a beautiful brand of football. Fandom done right if you ask me. And you wonder why Bears fans can't muster up the slightest hint of excitement when leading the Lions by three scores -- little Johnny is too concerned with watercolors and his biology homework.

The Bears and Packers play on Christmas Day this year. The Packers will be 14-0 and the Bears will hopefully have their heads above water! May I be the first to say it's an honor to play such a distinguished franchise in a historic stadium on the holiest of red-blooded American days. The Packers could really wipe the floor with us, but I don't think they will. They have too much respect for the game and its players. They wouldn't send the Bears home to their families on Christmas Day like that. Honor and integrity are two things they teach in Green Bay, dating back to the days of the great Vince Lombardi who lied on his resume to land the Packers job in 1959. Mike McCarthy may purposely lose a timeout on a dumb challenge or James Jones may inexplicably fumble the ball, no one within ten yards of him -- something to keep the game close.

When this season is over we'll be talking about the 2011 Green Bay Packers as the greatest football team of all-time -- 19-0 and three merciless playoff victories because honor and integrity don't apply in the playoffs. Anything less would be a colossal disappointment. Ask Packer fans, they're as confident as anyone. They know how much your team sucks. Can you feel that? It's the current here to sweep you away, Bears fans. Don't fight it. Drift peacefully in the wind unnoticed as the Packers tussle with the lofty expectations they've established for themselves.

Aaron Rodgers: The Giver

I've been thinking long and hard about the upcoming Packers game and have come to one conclusion: Aaron Rodgers did the Bears and their fans a favor. Huh? You're probably thinking. The Bears had the chance to knock the Packers out of the sixth seed by defeating them in Week 17. They instead showcased some vanilla play-calling (even by their standards) and allowed Green Bay to escape with a narrow 10-3 win. You know how the story ends. If anything we did them a favor, last year.

Maybe but we're discussing the now. Let's start with the inevitable. The Packers are going to win on Sunday. They're going to win convincingly, probably by 20+ points. Go ahead and throw out the "but it's always a close game when the Pack come to town" argument. Keep kidding yourself. Chicago's O-Line couldn't pick up a blitz if it was buried comfortably in a litter box. Green Bay likes to blitz, sometimes in odd situations, and is really good at disguising them. As was the case in New Orleans, the Matt Forte checkdown will be the only open receiver Cutler sees all day.

Aaron Rodgers' career numbers against the Bears: 133-194 (69%), 1396 passing yards, 7 TD, 4 INT, 4-2 overall record. Good numbers, especially completion percentage, but not as good as one might expect. Credit the Bears defense for keeping Rodgers relatively human during their six match-ups, but this Sunday feels like the time for a big breakout. I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

So how exactly has Aaron Rodgers done us a favor? He shaved his horseshoe mustache, that's how. Anyone who has followed the Packers recently knows there was always an air of mystery surrounding Rodgers. He inexplicably fell to the bottom of the first round where the Packers snagged him 24th in the 2005 Draft. "He wears oversized clothes," the Green Bay locals gossiped when they saw wander the town. Under the "tutelage" of Brett Favre, no one was sure what exactly Rodgers did. Did he study the playbook? Could he even talk? Rodgers blended in in the way you would expect Brett Favre's back-up to -- he was there, but no one would even notice if he wasn't.

While riding the bench, Rodgers sported shoulder-length hair. He experimented with full beards, goatees, regular old mustaches, and three-day stubble. His willingness to change can be attributed to a lack of identity. He was still trying to find himself. Then again, the entertainment options open to Rodgers in Green Bay were slim. Either play around with his face hair or take up World of Warcraft. He chose the former before settling in on the wholesome Midwestern look after being named the starter. Rodgers is from California.

Watch this:

Rodgers' stat line Sunday : 34-38, 396 yards, 4 TD, 0 INT, 145.2 QB Rating

Class act. Humble. Born Leader. I can't help but respect him. I wish he was on our team.

  

Rodgers' stat line Sunday : 34-38, 396 yards, 4 TD, 0 INT, 145.2 QB Rating

What a fucking douche bag.

The mustache, or lack thereof, is absolutely essential here. Properly-groomed Aaron Rodgers looks like your typical 9-to-5 Subway-sandwich-for-lunch businessman. Respectable. Excellent worker, deserves a promotion but struggles to get noticed because half his floor wears the same red tie. Mustachioed Aaron Rodgers looks like the northern Wisconsin everyman. Send him into the woods with nothing but a Cold Steel 6' Outdoorsman hunting knife and a 18-rack of Miller High Life and he'll come back with dinner and/or a new kitchen ornament. Properly-groomed Aaron Rodgers is the picture of conformity -- the downtown Chicago businessman. Mustachioed Aaron Rodgers embraces being different and shoves his difference in your face. Us Chicagoans laugh at the northern Wisconsin types who claim to be proud of where they're from. God forbid their star quarterback, the best player in the NFL, were to beat us year after year, AND choose to look like one of them in the process. It would be too much to bear.  

While taking in Sunday's game, remember: it could be worse. Mustachioed Rodgers could be be handing out championship belts and blowing the imaginary smoke emanating from his finger gun. "Isn't that the guy from Deadwood?" is a question your wife won't have to ask. Your three-year-old can stop crying because Jay Cutler is doing that thing again where he twitches his right arm and your son thinks Rodgers shot him and Cutler's arm is about to fall off. "It won't hurt if he watches an old episode of The Rifleman with me," you so foolishly thought two weeks ago. Enjoy the game, expect the beatdown, and at least be thankful Aaron Rodgers could find a razor in that god-awful shit stain of a city known as Green Bay.*

*I've never been to Green Bay.

Pick 6: The Super Bowl's Worst

Who am I to complain about the Super Bowl? This year's game drew an estimated 111 million viewers on average, making it the highest rated television event of all time. So obviously the NFL is doing something right.
The problem I have and have always had with the Super Bowl is that it has to cater to such a large audience -- many of which could care less about football. Those of us who follow football religiously are unfortunately force fed with crap such as: a four and a half pregame special, which, among other things aired a video montage likening football to wars and other events that altered America's social and political landscape, witty and creative commercials that are supposedly reason enough to watch the Super Bowl, and a Halftime Show that is sure to blow us away.
As a football fan, I can do without the pageantry, but I understand why it's there.
The game itself was unbelievable. Anytime the Super Bowl comes down to potential game-winning drive, we're in for a treat regardless of the outcome. We saw turnovers and dropped passes that affected the outcome of the game. We saw Ben Roethlisberger get off to a shaky start and then lead his team to a come back. We saw Aaron Rodgers continue his flawless play through out the playoffs. The actual game was everything a neutral observer could ask for. As is most often the case, the Super Bowl is more about the spectacle than the game itself. There were six things that left a sour taste in my mouth.
6) Alex Rodriguez is shown in a luxury suite, being fed popcorn by girlfriend Cameron Diaz. I can imagine most of us reacted the same way. "Oh, look at A-Rod and his 250 million dollars. Can't even feed himself." Or something along those lines. That's because we hate A-Rod. We've all been fed by our girlfriends/wives at least once in our lives (don't lie and say you haven't), just not in a luxury suite at the Super Bowl in front of 110 million people watching on television.
This reminds me of a conversation I once had in a Wrigleyville bar, while waiting in line to use the bathroom.
Me (the guy behind me is wearing a Yankees hat): So you're a Yankees fan?
Him: Yeah. (His response was followed by a few more exchanges between us, but I don't remember them. Sorry, I was drunk).
Him: I'm a fan of the old school Yankees though. Guys like Jeter, Posada, and Rivera.
Me: But those guys still play for them.
Him: Yeah, but they're not A-Rod.
That tells you all you need to know about A-Rod. Despite being one of the best hitters in baseball, and even when playing well, Yankees fans don't even like him. There's no comparable case in any other sport. Only LeBron James could come close, but Heat fans don't hate him. If LeBron were to play for another team in his career, then we would see an A-Rod parallel.
So there was A-Rod doing something ridiculous, let's make fun of him. It was completely warranted, but it really wasn't.

5) The Black Eyed Peas Halftime Performance. This slightly edged out Christina Aguilera's unique rendition of the National Anthem. BEP's halftime show was exactly what I expected, minus their inclusion of "Where Is The Love?" The song is essentially about compassion for your fellow man. It's one of the more heartfelt songs (despite the source) you'll hear on mainstream radio. Meanwhile, BEP delivered the song's message in light-up space suits. I know it's one of their bigger hits, but the time and place for this song was all wrong.
4) Jerry Jones' Luxury Suite. Some of the faces I saw in Jerrah's suite: George and Laura Bush, Jesse Jackson, John Madden, and Condolleeza Rice. Jerry Jones calls that his luxury suite, I call that hell.
3) Aaron Rodgers-Brett Favre Comparisons. These comparisons, while somewhat appropriate two years ago, grew increasingly old and tired this year. Aaron Rodgers has won his first Super Bowl in only his third year as a starter. He's won as many Super Bowls in three years as Brett Favre has in 20. You would think that would end the comparisons but it will only further them. Rodgers has to pass Favre or else we'll keep hearing about it. Favre played way too long, so he'll hold all of the individual accolades over Rodgers -- Super Bowl rings will be the main determinate of who was better. I will say this, with Brett Favre as your quarterback, you knew he was just as capable of losing a game as he was of winning one. With Rodgers, I don't sense that. We're still early in his career, but when has he given the indication of trying to do too much, and hurt his team in the process?
2) The Ticket Debacle. The NFL and Jerry Jones, in an effort to maximize attendance and revenue tried to add about 15,000 seats. Hours before kick-off, 400 fans found out that their tickets were not being honored because they had not passed the safety inspection from fire marshals. As a consolation prize, those turned away were given three times the value of their tickets and tickets to next year's Super Bowl.
Sure that sounds like a fair compromise, except the feeling of seeing your team in the Super Bowl is irreplaceable. Unless Green Bay or Pittsburgh is in the Super Bowl next year -- I mean 2013, the fans come out with the short end of the stick. I really feel for those people, I'd be seething.
1) The Impending Lockout. The Packers should have been given two Lombardi trophies because that's what it's going to feel like. The NFL lockout will strip us of a 2011-12 season, so we'll have a long time to remember this year. Let me recap for Bears fans:
A) The Packers just won the Super Bowl.
B) There will be no football next year.
C) When football resumes, the Packers will have a better team than they did this year.
D) 27 year-old Aaron Rodgers (or Tom Brady) is the best quarterback in the NFL.
E) Rodgers has the Brady-like quality of being able to win with whatever he has to work with. So should key offensive players go down (like this year), or the defense has a major let down (2013), the Packers will still always be in contention.
I'm going to go and play in traffic now.

It Was Only A Matter Of Time

You have to love the NFL. Just when you think the league has been around long enough that nothing new can possibly happen...BOOM...the 2010 NFL Playoffs. To recap, we've seen:
1) The 7-9 Seahawks become the first team in NFL history to make the playoffs with a losing record. Not only that, but they knocked out the defending Super Bowl Champions in the first round.
2) Mark Sanchez tied the record for most career road playoff wins by a quarterback. You read that right. If Sanchez and the Jets win in Pittsburgh on Sunday, the 24 year-old will will have the most career road playoff victories in only the second year of his career.
3) Brady, Manning, and Brees (27 combined playoff wins) are all sitting at home, while Rodgers, Cutler, and Sanchez (7 combined playoff wins) are still playing.
4) More creative uses of the word "foot" than you ever expected. The sport in question is football, after all.
5) Last and most important, the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers will meet for only the second time in playoff history. The best rivalry in sports and they've met 182 times up until this point.

Who would have thought that in 2011, we'd see the most important game of the most important rivalry in the NFL. Sure, the 1941 meeting  was just as meaningful at the surface. That game served the same purpose that the NFC Championship will. But let's not forget two crucial points. First, there were ten NFL teams in 1941. It was hardly as much of an accomplishment to make it to the NFL Championship in 1941 than it is to make it to the Super Bowl in 2011. Second, the NFL in 1941 was robbed of plenty of potential talent. Black players, despite playing in the late 1920s and early 1930s were basically refused by owners in the 1940s, who agreed under the table to bar them from competition. The US was also just entering World War II and shipping over potential NFL players to Europe and the Pacific. Not to mention, professional football wasn't a lucrative job back then. Many former college football players were better off finding work elsewhere than continuing their football career.
So this is clearly the biggest game of the storied rivalry, but how did a Green Bay-Chicago playoff game of this magnitude not happen sooner? Let's break down the different phases of the NFL playoffs beginning in 1933.

1933-1966 - The NFL is split into two divisions. The teams with the best record in each division face off for the NFL Title. Imagine if we just let the Patriots and Falcons play in the Super Bowl this year. Thank God for expansion.
If two teams finished with the same record atop the division, then they played each other to see who would go to the NFL title game. This is exactly what happened in 1941. The Bears and Packers both finished with a 10-1 record and battled for the opportunity to take on the 8-3 New York Giants in the title game. The Bears won 33-14 and went on defeat the Giants 37-9 for the title.
It's amazing to think that such an improbable scenario led to the only playoff meeting of these two teams.
1967-1969 - The NFL splits into four divisions -- two in each conference. The two division winners in the same conference face each other. The two winners of these match ups play each other in the Super Bowl. The Bears and Packers are in the same division, and a tie atop the division was broken through a series of tie-brokers, not a game. This era would mark the only time in NFL playoff history when it was impossible for the Bears and Packers to meet in the playoffs.
1970-1978 - The AFL and NFL merge, leading to an expanded playoff format. The NFL is now composed of three divisions in each conference. The playoffs are composed of eight teams, the three division winners, and a wild card from each conference. The Bears and Packers never make the playoffs in the same year during this era.
1979-1989 - The NFL expands to a ten team playoff format. Still three division winners, but an extra wild card from each conference is added. The two wild card teams take part in what is basically a play-in game. The winner faces the number 1 seed, while the 2 and 3 seeds face each other. The Bears and Packers do not make the playoffs in the same year during this era either.
1990-2001 - The NFL expands to a 12 team playoff format. Still three division winners, but now three wild cards from each conference. The Bears and Packers now qualify for four of the potential six playoff spots, the best odds they'd ever had to meet in the playoffs up to this point, and best odds they've had since.
Not surprisingly they would both make the playoffs in the 1994-95 season, and the 2001-02 season. In 1994, both teams earned a wild card berth, Packers were the four seed and the Bears the six seed. They both won their opening round game and both lost their second round game, squashing a potential NFC Championship match-up.
In 2001, the Bears won the NFC Central and earned the two seed, while the Packers earned the four seed as the top wild card team. The Packers won their opening round game before falling to the number one seeded Rams in the divisional round. The Bears would lose to the Eagles, also in the divisional round, again preventing a possible Bears-Packers NFC Championship game.
2002-Present - The NFL realigns to four divisions per conference, with each division winner making the playoffs, as well as two wild card teams from each conference. Viola! The playoff format that we know today. This is the first year in this era that the Bears and Packers have made the playoffs the same year, and the 60 year anniversary of their first playoff match-up.

So that's how we got here. I'm not even going to attempt an explanation of what's about to ensue, keys to the game, who has an advantage where, or who is going to win. I don't know any of that and won't pretend to. I just have three thoughts.

1) It's fascinating to watch the Rodgers-Cutler contrast unfold. When Cutler was dealt to the Bears two years ago, onlookers gushed about a possible rivalry with him and Rodgers for the next ten years. Then Cutler had a poor 2009 season and it came to light that the two were actually good friends. The possibility of a good rivalry, or at least the kind that the media and fans wanted was pretty much dead.
Here we are in 2011 and each quarterback's public perception is beginning to take shape. Rodgers is the media darling for various reasons. He was commended for the way he's handled the Favre saga. He's played extremely well, to the point where Green Bay fans don't miss Favre even a little bit -- something I would have thought to be impossible three years ago.
Rodgers is also playing out of his mind. Every quarterback has their defining "I'm Here" moment. Rodgers has already played his way into the elite level of quarterbacks, he just needed the stage to show it to the world. What better way than to outshine Brady, Manning, and Brees in the playoffs (check) and lead his team to a Super Bowl victory (gulp). The stars seem to be aligning for Green Bay, and in two years or less, Aaron Rodgers will be regarded as the top quarterback in the NFL.
Then there's Jay Cutler. Rick Reilly wrote a not so flattering piece about him last week. There's nothing new here. Denver fans could have told you this five years ago, and Bears fans two years ago. It actually helped Reilly more than it hurt Cutler. No one under the age of 50 even knew Rick Reilly was still writing -- except for the people who noticed Reilly's miniature head on the ESPN.com front page while they were checking for Bill Simmons' column.
The point I'm trying to make is that Cutler's perceived douchiness could be just the element that this rivalry needs. Everybody loves Rodgers! He's the People's Champ. Just look at the way he shines his imaginary title belt after every touchdown.
Who likes Cutler? No one. Not even Bears fans. If NFL fans outside of Denver and Chicago were indifferent towards Cutler before, they sure won't be now that Cutler has the chance to win a Super Bowl. Look at the demeanor of the beloved Super Bowl winning quarterbacks Brady, Manning, and Brees. All are perceived as class acts, hard workers, great teammates, and leaders. In other words, their public perceptions are flawless. If he isn't included already, Rodgers fits the criteria for this club.
Cutler is the spoiled brat with bad body language. He'll curse out a referee or call out a teammate before he places the blame on himself, and his greatest contribution as a leader this year has been high-fiving his teammates after a successful PAT.
This rivalry has potential, even if they do like each other. Let us fans pretend.
2) Let me be the 11,765,093th person to comment on how improbable it is for the Bears and Packers to be in the NFC Championship game. The Packers have suffered a career-ending injury at seemingly every position this year -- including two Aaron Rodgers' concussions. I'm beginning to think Rodgers is just that good. It doesn't matter who you put out there with him -- he'll find a way to win.
Here's an underrated subplot of this year's Packers. I think most Packers fans assume that if this is what they're doing with a bunch of back-ups, imagine what next year will be like when everyone is healthy! This is the NFL and it usually doesn't work that way. I'm just going to pull up a seat and watch the slow burn of disappointment come next year.
The Bears have provided the blueprint for a roller coaster season. Very few people had high hopes for them at the start of the season. Then they pulled off three straight wins, two of them against the Packers and Cowboys, who were considered the two best teams in the NFC at the time. We started to believe, and then the Giants game brought us back to the team we were expecting to see this year. Add in losses to the Seahawks and Redskins and the season looked to be imploding before our eyes. Then a five game winning streak, including a win against the Eagles, the hottest team in the NFL at the time. It was that game that I think people started to believe (again).
The Bears are still underdogs as they've been all season. I like that. I like that the Packers have already been crowned Super Bowl champions. Nevermind that they have to play in Chicago against the only team (besides the possible Super Bowl foe New York Jets) who have shown the ability to stop their offense. A team has never and will never ride the wave of luck all the way to the Conference Championship game. These teams are more even than anyone is willing to acknowledge.
3) That being said, I'm admitting that this game makes me nervous. It's the most nervous I've ever been before a sporting event in my life. It's only Monday. You probably won't get a Packers or Bears fan to admit it, but the nervousness is resting somewhere in the back of their brain and will come out a little bit more each day. It's not that each fan base doesn't think they will win -- they just know there's always the possibility they won't.
I'm normally a proponent of "The bigger the game, the worse the loss," theory. For instance, some would say after losing the Super Bowl, "Well, at least we made it to the Super Bowl." Not me. Losing the Super Bowl is the worst kind of loss because you got so close. But not in this case. Losing to the Packers, knowing they could win the Super Bowl would hurt ten times more than losing the Super Bowl for the second time in five years. The thought will cross every Green Bay and Chicago fan between now and Sunday. Millions of people will be too ashamed to leave their house come 5:30 Sunday evening.

Bears-Packers Should Never Be Played In Week 17

November 18, 2006. The Ohio State Buckeyes, ranked number one in the nation, host the number two Michigan Wolverines in the last game of the college football season. Each team enters the game with a perfect 11-0 record. What's at stake is simple: winner plays for the National Championship, and the loser accepts a trip to the Rose Bowl.
Ohio State comes out firing, leading Michigan 28-14 at halftime. Michigan would bounce back in the second half, outscoring Ohio State by eleven points. It wouldn't be enough however, as Ohio State secured a three point victory and went on lose to Florida in the 2007 BCS Championship Game.
This would have been a classic game regardless, but its importance was heightened because of the historical Ohio State-Michigan rivalry. An integral part of this rivalry is the timing -- they play each other the last game of the season every year. This game was dubbed "Game of the Century" for a reason, this match-up never carries the type of implications it did in 2006. A rivalry game played the last game of the season is great when it works out to perfection like it did in 2006. The problem of course, is that it rarely works out that way.
Now consider the Bears-Packers rivalry, the NFL equivalent to Ohio-State Michigan. This Sunday will mark the third time in the last ten years that the NFL rivals have squared off in the last game of the season.
I have just one simple request: don't play this game game in Week 17, ever again.
The last time the Bears and Packers played in Week 17 of the season was in 2006. The Bears were 13-2, had already clinched the number one seed in the NFC playoffs and played their back-ups the majority of the game. The Packers were 7-8, had already been eliminated from playoff contention, and were basically playing for pride. The Packers went on to win 26-7, and the Bears went on to the Super Bowl.
Two years earlier, the Bears and Packers also met in the last game of the season. The Bears' season was already over, as they were 5-10 coming into the game. The Packers were 9-6 and needed the win to hold off the Vikings for the NFC North crown. Not surprisingly, the Packers won in convincing fashion to advance to the playoffs.
The common denominator is that the 2004 and 2006 games didn't decide the fate of both teams. In that respect, the timing of the game was a failure.
Now let's jump to this year's offering, which could possibly mean much more than the previous two meetings. The playoff scenario is simple for the Packers: win and they're in. If they lose, they'll need both the Giants and Bucs to lose to get in.
The Bears' priorities are a little more tricky. They've already clinched at least the second seed in the NFC and a first round bye. There's a slim possibility that they still could secure the top seed. In order for that to happen, the Bears need to win and the Falcons need to lose at home to the 2-13 Carolina Panthers. A Falcons loss is not very likely, especially considering they could drop to the fifth seed if the Saints win at home against Tampa Bay.
Fortunately for the Bears, they'll know where they stand come game time. The Falcons play at 12:00 CT and the Bears game was moved to 3:15 CT. By the time the Bears kickoff, they will know whether it's possible to grab the one seed. If they can't, it's unclear how the Bears will plan on playing this game.
Lovie Smith and his players are saying all the right things:
"We can clinch home field advantage through out the playoffs."
"We have a chance to be the first undefeated team within the division."
"We want to be the one's to end our rival's season." 
It all sounds good, but what if the Bears are already locked into the two seed? Is "ending our rival's season" really a strong enough motivation to risk a key injury in a meaningless game? I would say no.
This is exactly why the second game of this rivalry should never be played on the last week of the season -- to avoid situations where it isn't beneficial for one of the teams to play their starters the entire game. Imagine if this game was played last week, or two weeks ago. Both teams would have everything in the world to play for and football fans could enjoy the best rivalry in the NFL the way it's meant to be played.
As it stands, the Bears will likely play their starters sparingly, if at all. This could have been avoided. Rivalries like the Bears-Packers are spirited regardless of which players are playing, but deserve the best players on the field. The NFL schedule-makers can't hope for a miracle like 2006 Ohio State-Michigan. They need to play it safe and make sure the last game is always played before Week 17.

A Fond Farewell

In a way, Brett Favre has been a victim of his own success. Through his play over the last two decades, Favre has ingratiated himself with the mainstream media. The media's over-the-top praise of Favre's play, once the reason to celebrate him, has now largely become the reason to hate him.
The sad part about Favre's narrative is he hasn't been an innocent bystander, simply playing the game and letting the media and fans talk about him. His yearly flirtation with retirement is really just a cry for attention -- which brings me to the sad part. Brett Favre didn't need to pander for that kind of attention. People cared about Brett Favre, they didn't need to be convinced to care about him. In fact, his flip-flopping retirement speeches made people stop caring. The exact opposite of what he was trying to accomplish.
In March of 2007 when Favre first retired, most NFL fans were willing to embrace him. While he wasn't universally liked, I think most football fans appreciated what he did for the game and could respect a Hall of Fame career when they saw one.
He came out of retirement shortly thereafter, and hence, the Favre apologists were born. These apologists painted Favre as a man torn between his body and mind. His mind desperately wanted to come back to the game he loved and played so successfully, but his body told him no -- he couldn't hold up. It was quite a heroic picture. Through sheer will and determination, Favre could overcome his body's shortcomings.
Then there was the other side, Favre's critics. They thought of him as an attention-seeking prima donna, concerned primarily with keeping his name in the news, more so than winning. In 2007, most people were on the other side. Now, approaching the end of 2010, they've almost all converted to this side.
While Favre can be criticized for his performance, ego, or various off the field issues, his willingness to play can never be questioned. Favre's consecutive game's started streak ended a week and a half ago when he failed to suit up and face the Giants. He tallied 297 consecutive starts, 321 including the playoffs.
A day before Favre's streak was snapped, the Metrodome roof collapsed. Before the collapse, the Metrodome housed 230 consecutive Vikings games, 91 less than Brett Favre alone. If that doesn't put Favre's accomplishment into perspective, I don't know what does.
Growing up as a Bears fan, I was able to see Favre play often. I watched him rattle off eleven straight victories against us in the 1990s, and then seven straight in the 2000s. I saw him amass a 23-13 record against us playing for both the Packers and Vikings. I hated Favre, but I couldn't help but respect him. And even after all his shenanigans, I still do.
So when he decided to give it a go against the Bears on Monday Night, I was thrilled. I wanted one last chance to beat Brett Favre. From 1992-2003, Favre was 20-4 against the Bears. From 2004-2010 heading into Monday's game, he was 3-8. We couldn't beat him in his prime, so now we have to settle on beating him at the end of his career. As a Bears fan, I want every victory against Favre I can get before he's done.
Speaking of which, I believe this is his last year. I've never believed that before, but now I finally do. He didn't start a game. That's enough evidence for me to believe he can't do it anymore. I'm glad the Bears pulled off one last win, and I'm glad I was able to witness Brett Favre's career.  

Forecasting The NFC Playoffs

It's about that time again. With 62.5 percent of the NFL season complete, things are starting to fall into place. Minnesota and Dallas will both miss the playoffs and have fired their head coaches, Mike Vick not only is the Eagles' starting quarterback, but is putting together an MVP season, and Detroit is still Detroit, but at least they're not Carolina. Just like we drew it up from the beginning.
There's seven teams that deserve six playoff spots. Only five of those teams will actually make the playoffs. Damn you, NFC West. Here's the NFC playoff picture, as it currently stands.

LOCKS:

Atlanta Falcons (8-2), Projected Finish (13-3, NFC South Champs, #1 Seed)

Green Bay Packers (7-3), Projected Finish (11-5, NFC North Champs, #2 Seed)

New Orleans Saints (7-3), Projected Finish (10-6, NFC Wild Card, #5 Seed)

Whoever wins the NFC West, #4 Seed

Atlanta, Green Bay, and New Orleans are the only three teams I'm prepared to call locks for the playoffs. And of course, someone has to win the NFC West. Will that team be above .500? Probably not. Will a more deserving team, with a better record miss the playoffs because of the way the playoff system is designed? Yes. Does the playoff system need to be changed? Absolutely.
Atlanta is the cream of the NFC crop right now. Not only do they have the best record, but the easiest remaining schedule of the eight potential playoff teams. Next week's home game against Green Bay will be a great measuring stick for both teams, and Atlanta's Week 16 match up with New Orleans will be a golden opportunity for the Saints to cement their playoff spot. The tendency to embrace what is new has everyone falling in love with the Vick-McCoy-Jackson-Celek tandem, but I'm not so sure the more experienced Ryan-Turner-White-Gonzalez tandem isn't more primed for a playoff push.
The Packers could very easily have 8, 9, or even 10 wins at this point. They've lost all three of their games by a field goal, two of those losses coming in overtime. He won't win it, but for my money, Aaron Rodgers is the MVP of the league right now. His top target, tight end Jermichael Finley, and running back Ryan Grant were lost for the year, the offensive line has been shuffled around, and after hiccups against Washington and Miami, it appears the Packers have hit their stride. They'll be tested late in the year, next week at Atlanta, at New England in Week 15, and home games to close out the year against the Giants and Bears. The Packers have found their comfort zone and are settling in at just the right time.
There won't be a Super Bowl let down from the 2010 New Orleans Saints. They still have Drew Brees, meaning they won't have trouble scoring points. Their defense will be key to making the playoffs. New Orleans is currently 2nd in the NFL, allowing only 186 passing yards a game. They're giving up just over 100 yards on the ground per game. Drew Brees and the passing game will always be the focus, but the Saints will go as far as their defense takes them.

THE NFC EAST:

Philadelphia Eagles (7-3), Projected Finish (11-5, NFC East Champs, #3 Seed)

New York Giants (6-4), Projected Finish (9-7, 2nd in NFC East, Miss Playoffs)

I'm officially on the Eagles' bandwagon. Their offense is terrifying. They can beat you in so many ways, some of which we probably haven't even seen yet. Vick's health will be the key. He needs to do a better job of avoiding hits, or he'll be back on the sidelines, watching Kevin Kolb destroy the empire he was building. Next week at Chicago will be their biggest test of the season. Chicago can stop the run, but can they stop the run when Vick is the runner? Save for their rematch against the Giants, the Eagles will have plenty of defenses they can easily exploit in their remaining games.
The Giants are the biggest wild card in the NFC picture. Just three weeks ago they were the team to beat in all of the NFC, now they aren't even the favorite to win their division. The good news for Giants fans is that they have the ability, more so than any other team, of controlling their playoff fate. They've already beaten (dismantled might be a better word) the Bears, a major player in the Wild Card race. They have a home game against Philadelphia, and both games against the Redskins to gain leverage within their division. They also have a game left with Green Bay, which barring a Packer collapse, could also be Wild Card competition.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?:

Chicago Bears (7-3), Projected Finish (10-6, NFC Wild Card, #6 Seed)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-3), Projected Finish (9-7, 3rd in NFC South, Miss Playoffs)

The black sheep of the NFC Playoff picture are clearly the Bears and Bucs. Both teams were expected to be closer to 3-7 at this point in the season, not the other way around. Neither team has looked pretty winning games, but they are winning. The Bears have the better defense, which is why I think they'll be able to stay in the playoff hunt. The key for the Bears is to avoid turnovers. They've had success in the past because they won the turnover battle. Cutler will have to take care of the ball better, especially against the Philadelphia's, Green Bay's, and New York's of the world if they're going to challenge for the last playoff spot.
Not only does Tampa Bay squeak out wins, but they also play in the same division as the Falcons and Saints, ensuring that they will always be overlooked. They have tough match ups remaining against both teams, at New Orleans and the Saints at home. They also have to go to Baltimore this upcoming weekend. All three of those games will be tough. Tampa Bay's Week 14-16 string of Washington on the road, Detroit, and Seattle will be huge. The Bucs have done a great job of stopping the pass this year, and those three teams rank 22nd, 31st, and 30th in rushing, respectively. It's not out of the question that Tampa Bay could finish 10-6 and grab a playoff spot, although I'm still not sold on quarterback Josh Freeman. I think he's still another year away.

SOMEONE'S GOTTA GRAB IT (NFC WEST):

Seattle Seahawks (5-5), Projected Finish (7-9, NFC West Champs, #4 Seed)

St. Louis Rams (4-6), Projected Finish (6-10, 2nd in NFC West, Miss Playoffs)

Yes, I think Seattle will be under .500 to finish the year. They will have a higher seed than two 10 win teams. I don't know what to say about these two teams other than it's wrong that they need to be in the playoff discussion. Here's what I'm hoping happens. The Rams win two of their next five, and the Seahawks win one of their next five. They meet each other in Week 17 of the season, both 6-9. The winner advances to the playoffs. They go scoreless in regulation and a first overtime before Roger Goodell says "Fuck It," let's toss up a coin, neither of you are beating the Saints anyway.  Seattle wins the coin toss and proceeds to lose by 35 at home to New Orleans.

A Win Is A Win...And The Bears Have Seven Of Them

The Chicago Bears are the worst 7-3 football team in the history of the NFL. Last week, they were the worst 6-3 football team in the history of the NFL. If they beat the Eagles next week they will be the worst 8-3 football team in the history of the NFL. If this is all starting to sound a little silly, it should.
ESPN.com writer Gene Wojciechowski (I triple checked that, it's spelled correctly) was kind enough to offer me an alley-oop. I was planning on addressing all of the excuses that have been made as to why the Bears have been successful this season, and Wojciechowski provided a nice, quick reason/excuse for each Chicago victory this year (minus the Packers, for whatever reason). I believe that his views match up almost perfectly with what I've heard about the Bears all season, so I decided to use his article as a reference point.

On the Lions win: "[The Bears] beat the Detroit Lions in the season opener, but needed a Matthew Stafford injury and a bizarre, last-second nullified touchdown to do it."

When healthy, Stafford is a much better quarterback than back up Shaun Hill, no one is disputing that. However, let's not pretend that Hill hasn't stepped in and played well. In his six starts this season, Hill has thrown for 1544 yards, 10 TDs to 7 INTs, and completed 62 percent of his passes. Not bad numbers at all, especially for a back up quarterback. The Lions were 1-5 in those games, not because of Hill, but because they gave up an average of 28 points per game in those five losses and couldn't run the ball. Hill played the entire second half of the Bears game and the Bears defense held him to his worst half of football this season.
Johnson's nullified touchdown is a tough call. There is a portions of the NFL rulebook that could have interpreted that as a catch, and another part, the part the referee's used, interpreted it as a drop. I'm convinced that Johnson could have came down with the ball in both hands, he chose to swing it to his right hand and payed for it. It's really no different than a receiver making a spectacular catch and coming down with his toe out of bounds.

On the Cowboys win: "[The Bears] beat the spectacularly underachieving Dallas Cowboys on the road for their second win."

I hate this argument. This was the second game of the NFL season. The Cowboys were 0-1, had they underachieved then, after one game? To suggest that the underachieving 1-8 Cowboys are the same team that took the field in the second game of the season is ludicrous. The football season does not remain static, some teams get better as the season goes on, and some get worse.
In Week 2 of the NFL season, the Dallas Cowboys were a Super Bowl favorite playing their first home game of the season. Dallas' D-Line came close to killing Cutler the entire first half, Romo threw for almost 400 yards, and Miles Austin caught 10 passes for 142 yards. The Bears won because they were plus three in the turnover battle, not because the Cowboys were an underachieving team one week into the season, they actually played very good that game.

On the Panthers win: "On the week [the Bears] lost Cutler to a concussion, the schedule gods gave them the Carolina Panthers -- and a win. Carolina is 1-8 this season."

I don't care what the opposing team's record is, if your quarterback (Todd Collins, the worst quarterback to start a NFL game this season) goes 6-16 for 32 yards and 4 INTs, you have no business winning that game. The Bears did because they created three turnovers of their own and held the dynamic Williams-Stewart combo to a combined 81 yards rushing.
The Bears also made a commitment to the run against the Panthers' pitiful rushing defense. Matt Forte scored two touchdowns and ran for 166 yards. When teams like the Patriots exploit other team's weaknesses, they're called smart. When the Bears do, they're lucky to be playing a weak team. It's all part of the double standard.

On the Bills win: "[The Bears'] fifth win came against the then-winless Buffalo Bills. And they didn't even have to play the Bills in Buffalo. Instead, they faced them in Toronto."

Sure, let's just ignore that after their Week 6 bye, the Bills weren't playing great football. They took the Ravens and Chiefs (both 4-2 when the Bills faced them) to overtime in back to back weeks. Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick threw for 605 yards and 5 touchdowns in both games. The Bills lost to the Bears and then went on to beat the Lions on the road. They're playing much much much better in the last four weeks than they were in the previous five.   
I'm not sure what Wojciechowski was getting at about playing in Toronto. He is aware that Buffalo and Toronto practically border each other, right? If he's suggesting that this was a home game that didn't have the feel of a home game it's because the Bears fans travel well, not because Bills fans couldn't make it to the game.

On the Vikings win: "[The Bears] got win number six against a Minnesota Vikings team that can't stand its coach and is without its best wide receiver."

Am I missing something? Haven't the Vikings hated Chilly for years? Weren't they going to win despite him? And not going to lay down like the Dallas Cowboys? Hasn't Sidney Rice been injured all season? These excuses could have been but weren't used when the Saints, Jets, Packers, and Patriots defeated the Vikings. Double standard, anyone?
Adrian Peterson and Brett Favre have made careers out of beating up on the Bears defense. In this game, they held Peterson to 51 yards, and Favre to 170 passing yards and 3 interceptions the week after his career high 446 yard passing effort against Arizona. If that's not impressive, especially for a team that has struggled historically against both players, I don't know what is.

On the Dolphins win: "And then [the Bears] threw a shutout against the Dolphins, who converted just one third down, had the ball nearly 16 fewer minutes than the Bears and saw Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams rush for a combined 11 yards."

I'm confused, these all seem like compliments to me. So the Dolphins a) couldn't convert on third down, b) lost the time of possession battle, c) had a reshuffled offensive line and couldn't run the ball, and d) started a back up quarterback. And that's why it was OK for Miami to lose? By my calculations, the Bears could have circled A, B, C, D, or E (All of the Above) for every game this season, yet they're 7-3, and being criticized for winning games that the Dolphins are getting a pass for.

The Bears are a flawed team, just like any other in the NFC. I believe they will make the playoffs, and after that, who knows what will happen. The last six games, especially next week at home against Philadelphia, and the three division games on the road will be hugely instrumental in shaping their playoff chances. Luck doesn't last for ten games and it sure doesn't last for sixteen. If the Bears make the playoffs it won't be because they were lucky, but because they deserved it.
For the record, Wojciechowski's summarized argument was, "I don't think the Bears are very good, but they've been so lucky this year, that I wouldn't be surprised if they made it to the Super Bowl." That seems to be everyone's view of the Bears in a nutshell. They're no good but they keep on winning, so I'm not going to be the one to wrongfully pick against them.
Just remember that there's more than one way to win a football game. The 2010 Bears are anything but conventional, but they're getting it done.

Don't Overlook The Vikings

With Week 6 of the NFL season quickly approaching, now is about that time when we think we have each team figured out. This couldn't be further from the truth in the NFC North. Ask four different people about who will win this division, and you'll likely get three different answers. Sorry, Detroit.
I think the Bears will make the playoffs. I really do. I've been fighting myself lately, trying not to set myself up for disappointment, but I finally feel comfortable with believing they're playoff bound.
The next three games will be crucial in determining Chicago's playoff chances. Seattle and Washington at home, bye week, and Buffalo on the road. All three winnable games. Three wins and viola! The Bears are 7-1 heading in to the toughest stretch of their schedule.
That means they'll only have to win three, possibly two of the following eight games to make the playoffs. I think they can, I think they can...
The Vikings are the biggest question in the NFC North, and all of football at the moment. For a team with such lofty expectations, they've been nothing short of disappointing. Even more so than Dallas because, let's face it, unless if you live in Dallas, you know the Cowboys have been overrated for the past 15 years.
Let's bring it back to the Vikings, a team in total disarray. Sidney Rice is still injured, Jared Allen isn't sacking the quarterback, and Brett Favre is bringing new meaning to the naked bootleg.
I'm still afraid of this team. I think they've already hit rock bottom. Their next two games, at home against Dallas, and in Green Bay will reveal a lot about Minnesota's make up. The Bears beat both of those teams, if Minnesota wants to contend, they have to beat them as well. Two wins and just like that, the Vikings are back to .500.

It's imperative that Minnesota stops the bleeding. Rice could be back in as soon as three weeks. By that time Moss should be acclimated into the offense. That's going to be the week I crap my pants.
Moss and Rice lining up on opposite sides, Harvin in the slot, and Peterson running the ball. Not even a turnover-prone quarterback like Favre could screw an offense like that up. I think people are underestimating how scary this offense will be in a few weeks.
Until then, the Vikings can't dig their own graves. They're already 1-3 and can't afford to lose a couple more games.
They need their defense to step up. They've been pretty good in pass defense, an area that was expected to be a weakness. The run defense needs to be better. With the D-Line they have, there's no excuse to not be in the Top 5 in rush defense every year. They play the pass happy Cowboys, Packers, and Patriots in their next three games, so they should have an opportunity rectify that.
The Packers are having one of those years where the injury bug hits early and often. Ryan Grant, Nick Barnett, and Jermichael Finley are all out for the year. Aaron Rodgers may have to miss his next start. No one is talking about how they let Kampman walk or Jolly's suspension.
This is a pretty weak Green Bay team right now in a variety of areas. When healthy, they're definitely a playoff team, but the way it's looking, maybe 8-8.
The Bears will be playoff bound. I swear I believe that and am not just repeating it to try and convince myself.
I'm predicting that within the next month, the Vikings will shake up the NFC dramatically.

Thoughts On Bears-Packers MNF Game

In hindsight, this game didn't teach us much of anything. Both teams can't run the ball (we knew that). Rodgers makes better decisions than Cutler (ditto). Lovie Smith and Mike McCarthy are terrible about managing the clock/using challenges. And penalties, especially committed in excess, can cost you a game. Who knew!
If we did learn one thing it's that everyone's favorite preseason Super Bowl pick has quite a few issues:
1) The First Obvious Issue: no viable option at running back behind Ryan Grant. Fullback John Kuhn (6 carries) split time with Grant's back up Brandon Jackson (7 carries). They combined for a whopping 43 yards.
2) The Second Obvious Issue: OK, 18 penalties is an aberration. But it does make for cool stats like, the Packers had more penalties than rushing attempts. They won't commit 18 or probably anywhere near that many penalties again this year, but the penalties only mask bigger issues.
Everything I've read has said the Packers beat themselves. It's the cliche thing to say when a team commits a ton of penalties and loses a close game. I'm also guilty of uttering that very sentence. But there's a difference in penalties. Penalties like roughing the quarterback and late hits are stupid penalties that would fall under the "beating yourself category."
While the Packers had their fair share of those, the majority of their penalties were pass interference and either holding or false start calls. Those pass interference calls weren't bail outs. The Bears receivers were just too fast. The Packers secondary has thrived over the years by being physical with teams at the line of scrimmage, and it's hard to be physical with a guy when he's running right by you with 4.4 speed. Woodson and Co. couldn't keep up so they had to result to grabbing their man all game.
On the same note, it was amazing to see how terrified the Packers O-Line was of Peppers. The Bears moved Peppers to both the left and right side, and he created havoc from both sides all game. At least five or six of those penalties from the O-Line were the result of either holding Peppers or false starts because they were worried about his pass rush.
While his impact hasn't shown up in the stat books, Peppers has been as impressive as any Bear this year. Just by suiting up he gives this defense an entirely new dimension. He was in the Packer's heads after the first series.
3) When their fantastic linebackers are neutralized by either forcing them to cover a tight end, or picked up while blitzing, this defense gets exposed. The Bears did a pretty good job of handling the defensive line and did an excellent job of neutralizing their linebackers. The Packers depend on their linebackers to provide pressure. If they don't, the corners are left out to dry, and that's not a good thing for this weak secondary.
The Bears aren't without their own issues. Jay Cutler was their leading rusher with 37 yards. The rest of the Bears combined for 40 yards. It's no secret that the Bears are going to rely heavily on the pass this year. 56 percent of the Bears plays were through the air, and if they had the ball longer, that number would have probably been up in the 60s. It's going to be tough to win consistently if Forte can't muster anything with about 20 carries a game.  

Here's something interesting to consider. If you had the choice of one linebacking core for just this year, would you choose the Bears or Packers? The Packers trio obviously have the youth on their side, but I'm not going to be the one that bets against a rejuvenated Urlacher and Briggs (who I still think is the most underrated defensive player in the league despite being selected to the last five Pro Bowls).
Urlacher and Briggs' joint effort to wrap up James Jones and force the ball out, which eventually led to the game winning field goal, was a thing of beauty. Fantastic individual efforts by the both of them. Yeah, this year, I'm choosing them.
By the way, that's why I love football. James Jones, who up until that fumble had four quiet catches for 43 yards, ended up costing his team the game. Jones was lucky the penalty total was so high or his head would be on a platter.
Two last thoughts. With the increased popularity of fantasy sports, there's three plays that every fantasy owner hates. From least painful to most:
3) Fantasy Baseball - an intentional walk. Increases the WHIP, usually just adds to a high WHIP inning.
2) Fantasy Basketball - a half court shot at the end of the quarter. Half the time a player just half asses a quarterback like throw and it decreases shooting percentage just like a missed mid range jumper.
1) Fantasy Football - a last minute heave from a quarterback that ends in an interception, resulting in minus one point. I'm watching Urlacher just trying to knock Rodgers' hail mary down and see Briggs pick off the deflection at the end of the half and can't help but laugh.
I was reading Twitter Monday morning, which I've been doing way too much of lately, and Jerry Azumah said that he had a dream that Hester would return one in tonight's game. I usually don't take what Azumah says seriously because he kind of comes off like a 35 year old who used to be in a cool frat and still thinks he's a part of it even though he graduated 15 years ago. Anyway, for some reason, I had this weird feeling that Azumah might be right about this one.
Had Hester avoided the punter he would have returned one earlier and I thought that was the best chance he'd have.
When he took the third punt to the house I couldn't believe it. That coupled with the bend but don't break defense and inept offense, and it felt like the glory days of 2006.
Maybe we did learn one more thing from this game: when the Bears and Packers play, throw everything you know out the window. How's that for cliche.

Quarterbacks Trump Bears-Packers Rivalry

Chicago sports fans aren't the most forgiving in the world (Steve Bartman, anyone?), but there's a strange aura of redemption floating around the city these days. Not that long ago, I wrote, before the season even started, about how pessimistic I was about this season. Most Bears fans agreed with me.
We heard about how Cutler was going to limit his turnovers, how Mike Martz was going to turn the offense around, and how the defense would return to form. We heard this and saw none of it come to fruition during the preseason. We weren't going to buy into the hype and be fooled for a third straight year.
That is, until the third week of the season.
The city of Chicago has turned into believers once again. A referee's interpretation of a rule earned us a victory against the 0-2 Lions, and a road win against a 0-2 Cowboys team that no one knows what to make of, and all of a sudden, we're legit.
I wouldn't go that far. This Monday night Packers game will go a long way in determining if the Bears can compete for a playoff spot, but it will not make or break their season.
A lot of people are forgetting the Packers have some issues of their own. They just lost running back Ryan Grant for the year, and had a suspect offensive line even before that. Outside of Woodson, their secondary is a liability. Basically, they're overly dependent on their front 7 providing pressure, and Rodgers running for his life to make plays.

I know, Green Bay is a sexy Super Bowl pick early in the season, but I wouldn't be surprised if games later in our schedule (Dolphins, Patriots, Jets) end up being tougher games. How the Bears play against those teams will cement their playoff chances.
Besides the obvious fact that this is the NFL's best rivalry, and a division game between two teams with postseason expectations, this match up just became a whole lot more interesting because of the play of Jay Cutler and Aaron Rodgers.
I still don't know what to think of Cutler. Is this the year he finally breaks out and takes on a leadership role, or has he simply feasted on two mediocre secondaries to start the year? I will say this. I've always hated Jay Cutler, going back to his Denver days. I hated his body language, I hated the way he quit on his team, and I hated the way he refused to take responsibility for his or the offense's mistakes.
But, to quote myself, "I'm not above rooting for a dousche bag."
Remember when Cutler was traded to the Bears and the way the media was hyping the Rodgers-Cutler match-up? It was supposed to be an epic division battle between two young quarterbacks for the next ten years. This may be the year when comparing them isn't laughable.
In the first two games of the season, I've noticed two things from Cutler that I thought I'd never see.
1) First game against the Lions, and running back Matt Forte makes a spectacular catch in the end zone to put the Bears up 19-14 with 1:32 left in the game. Forte lands awkwardly and stays down for a few minutes. Cutler makes his way down the field and checks on Forte while the rest of the team heads to the bench. Cutler was the only player, along with the training staff there while Forte was being treated. Last season, this doesn't happen.
2) Two things in the Cowboys game. First, Cutler was rushed out of the pocket and knocked down so many times in the first quarter that I expected him to give up and mail it in for the rest of the game. He didn't.
Second, after throwing either his second or third touchdown pass, I think it was his third, he jumps into offensive lineman Frank Omiyale's arms. If Cutler tried to do that last year, I'm pretty sure his lineman would have body slammed him to the ground.
The point being, that we all know Cutler is a highly skilled football player. The big questions about him are his attitude and leadership ability. For the first two games of the season, that stuff doesn't seem to be an issue.
Rodgers, on the other hand, sat behind Favre for three years, didn't complain when Favre skipped camp and announced he was coming back, and took on a leadership role immediately after taking over three season ago. He even wears the same type of chin strap Favre does.
This game has the potential to be the first game of many that pits the division's two best quarterbacks against each other. The Bears and Packers have been playing each other for 89 years, these games need a rivalry within a rivalry.