Eli Was There, But Not Really

The Super Bowl is over. Finally. Two teams you hate squared off and as is unfortunately always the case, one of them had to win. Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning played fantastic, completing 75 percent of his passes for 296 yards, and one touchdown. The commercials and halftime performance sucked as much as they always have and Cris Collinsworth would take some good, old-fashioned discipline from Tom Coughlin any day of the week. The outcome of this game was almost decided by the assumption Ahmad Bradshaw would make the smart play, which is absolutely hilarious if you're not a Giants fan. Rob Gronkowksi appeared hobbled by injury and Tom Brady is now a choke artist because he lost to Eli twice--in the Super Bowl--and Peyton Manning, and Bart Starr, and Otto Graham would have never let that happen to them. Stripped of the silly narratives, Super Bowl XLVI was an entertaining game, even if you were still hung over from the night before.

The night should have belonged to Eli and the Giants alone, but Peyton's shadow hung over the place like the Colts' Divisional Championship banners. I undertook the painstaking mission of compiling all the questions asked to Eli Manning in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. It turns out 100 percent of the questions in some way reverted back to Peyton. Here are the most common:

    

1) We're here in Indianapolis, in the stadium your brother Peyton built. What does this mean to you knowing you grew up watching Peyton complete his engineering homework as the sweet smell of your mother's casserole danced around the kitchen?

2) Given the severity of the injury and delicate balance needed to assess any damage to the neck area, how will this affect Peyton's ability to analyze your throwing motion come Sunday?

3) The 2007 Playoffs was perhaps the most unpredictable NFL postseason of the last decade, marked by San Diego's stunning upset of the Colts in the second round. What, if anything, did you learn from that crushing defeat?

4) On a scale of 1-10, 10 being 'Big-Big Asshole,' how would you rate Andrew Luck as a person?

5) You came under fire early in your career for refusing to play for the San Diego Chargers, who drafted you first overall in 2004. Was your decision motivated by the thought of having to play your older brother in the Playoffs every year?

6) We know Peyton has been breaking down film furiously over these last couple of weeks, more than yourself, I'm sure. It's no secret the two of you have talked strategy all year. In the event of a win Sunday, how much of the credit does Peyton deserve? 18 percent? 50? 100?

7) Five years before you entered the league, we watched Peyton exert an unparalleled amount of control over play-calling at the line of scrimmage. Watching you bumble through your progressions, you appeared retarded in comparison. Have you always been retarded, or is this something that has come to light only since playing football professionally?

8) Critics of your brother have pointed out his repeated postseason failures. They've duly noted a Super Bowl win over a Rex Grossman-led team should be taken with a grain of salt. Meanwhile, the same people say your TWO wins over Tom Brady and the Patriots are proof of your superiority as a quarterback. What would you say to dispel this obviously faulty logic?

9) As part of the 37-hour Super Bowl pregame marathon, you told the touching story of the first time you beat Peyton in a game of basketball. Off the record, can you admit that story was a lie and you have never beaten Peyton at anything?

10) Growing up, Peyton berated you. He pushed you around, beat you up, and never let you win at anything. He'd tell you to "Look over there!" and eat the food off your plate when you turned your head. Some older brothers coddle their younger brothers, preferring to support and encourage them in every way possible. Explain how a miserable, anxiety-riddled childhood was ultimately more beneficial than one with loving and functional familial relationships.          

11) On a scale of 1-10, 10 being 'Completely Useless' and 1 being 'Appendix,' how would you rate Jim Caldwell's job performance?

12) Peyton wouldn't be caught dead driving a 2012 Corvette Grand Sport Convertible Centennial Edition, would he?

13) Interestingly enough, Peyton has two kids and one Super Bowl, and you have one kid and two Super Bowls. How frustrated is Peyton, knowing he's on the wrong end of the kid : Super Bowl ratio?

14) To us Northerners, who, barring a Chernobyl-like disaster, would never venture below the Mason Dixon line; Mississippi and Tennessee are viewed as equally abysmal states. Describe the merits of both states without structuring your argument around "Peyton attended school in one of them."

15) Your father, Archie, always says he loves all his children equally, regardless of whether they play football, sell insurance, or are female. We all know this isn't true. As the new favorite, how will you deal with your father's unadulterated attention this offseason? Is it safe to pencil in Peyton as the 2013 Super Bowl MVP?

16) The new popular saying is "You can't spell 'Elite' without 'Eli.'" Has Peyton begun to unscramble the letters in his name to compose a flattering buzzword?

17) This preseason you said you were "absolutely" in the same class as Tom Brady. Is this class one or two rungs below your brother?

18) Staunch observers have criticized network coverage for deflecting too much of YOUR attention onto your brother. When you retire and you've won more Super Bowls and put up similar career numbers to Peyton, will you just laugh at the stupidity of the general public, or make like Aaron Rodgers and become an analyst for the sole purpose of airing your remorseful, bitter rants?

Nick Toon (No Nickelodeon)

Perusing Twitter a few weeks ago, I came across Wisconsin Senior wideout Nick Toon's Twitter handle -- @TOOOOOOOOOOON -- a tip of the cap to the fans who bellow his name after every catch. It's not the funniest or most clever, but it's my new favorite Twitter handle. My first thought was to count the number of "O"s because why not? I was pleased to count 11 "O"s. Solid. Eleven is an arbitrary, clunky number. Ten is nice and clean. The 11 tells me Toon typed a "T," placed his right index finger on the "O" key and held it there for a few seconds, and followed up with an "N." Had he been concerned with aesthetics or practicality, he would have made it an even ten. I immediately thought of situations in which his Twitter handle may be problematic:

UW-MADISON STUDENT: I'll hit you on Twitter about this Agricultural Journalism project. What's your handle?

TOON: It's TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.

UW-MADISON STUDENT: Uhh, how many "O"s is that?

TOON: Jesus, I have no idea. Just type my name in the search box and my account should pop up on the right side.

UW-MADISON: So you want me to type your name into Twitter? Is this some kind of lame attempt to show me how many people are talking about you?

TOON: I have over five thousand followers.

And so on.

I've often wondered if athletes seriously consider why the crowd chants their name. They're fan favorites or good players, those seem like the obvious answers. Sometimes familiarity with a player -- he's played most or all of his career for the same team, or even tradition -- we chant his name because we've always done it, play a part. During pregame introductions in the 1990s, roars of LUUUUUUUUUUUUUC would fill the United Center when Luc Longley was introduced. Nowadays, Luc has been replaced with LUUUUUUUUUUUU for Luol Deng. For Bulls fans, tradition meets appreciation in the form of pregame introductions. Each time Packers fullback John Kuhn touches the ball, Lambeau is engulfed in KUUUUUUUUUUUUHN chants. Kuhn is a short and stout white guy who does all the dirty work. His primary role is that of lead blocker, but he will occasionally be asked to pick up short yardage or catch a checkdown out of the backfield and take on a linebacker head on. Kuhn's look and style of play appeal to the blue-collar sensibilities of the Green Bay fans. He could be and probably is the guy sitting next to you at Joe's Texas Barbecue, wolfing down the hefty pulled pork sandwich.

TOOOOOOOOOOON is a combination of all of these elements. Former walk-on Luke Swan preceded Toon at Wisconsin and became a fan favorite. Camp Randall shouted LUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE after every catch and held their right arms at 90 degree angles, rotating their hand to resemble a swan's head. Aided by his father's impressive NFL and UW resume, Toon endeared himself to the crowd with his athleticism and knack for making the spectacular catch. Now a Senior, Toon has developed into the consistent Number One receiver the team envisioned him as two years ago. Chants of his name are as much an appreciation for his development as a player as they are an adherence to tradition and nepotism.

As nice as it is to talk of tradition and performance, we cannot ignore the obvious. There are many great players, iconic players, all-time great players who have never heard their name chanted in a stadium. This isn't because they are overlooked or their home fans are shitty. They simply do not have names as aurally pleasing or compatible with a sustained chant. Peyton Manning, Brian Urlacher, James Harrison, Adrian Peterson -- great players, but names that need to be broken down to multiple syllables in order to chant. They just wouldn't sound as good.

Not to take anything away from the Nick Toons of the world, but he clearly is the beneficiary of a perfect name. The special sign of appreciation Camp Randall shows to him is as arbitrary as the number of "O"s in his Twitter handle. The fans mostly scream his name because the close back rounded vowel sound in "Toon" is nice to listen to for 5-10 seconds at a time. And this is why @TOOOOOOOOOOON is my new favorite Twitter handle. It caused me to contemplate an otherwise glossed-over subtlety of fan behavior, and I now know what a close back rounded vowel sound is. 

Neither of these pieces of information are useful in any way.  

It Was Only A Matter Of Time

You have to love the NFL. Just when you think the league has been around long enough that nothing new can possibly happen...BOOM...the 2010 NFL Playoffs. To recap, we've seen:
1) The 7-9 Seahawks become the first team in NFL history to make the playoffs with a losing record. Not only that, but they knocked out the defending Super Bowl Champions in the first round.
2) Mark Sanchez tied the record for most career road playoff wins by a quarterback. You read that right. If Sanchez and the Jets win in Pittsburgh on Sunday, the 24 year-old will will have the most career road playoff victories in only the second year of his career.
3) Brady, Manning, and Brees (27 combined playoff wins) are all sitting at home, while Rodgers, Cutler, and Sanchez (7 combined playoff wins) are still playing.
4) More creative uses of the word "foot" than you ever expected. The sport in question is football, after all.
5) Last and most important, the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers will meet for only the second time in playoff history. The best rivalry in sports and they've met 182 times up until this point.

Who would have thought that in 2011, we'd see the most important game of the most important rivalry in the NFL. Sure, the 1941 meeting  was just as meaningful at the surface. That game served the same purpose that the NFC Championship will. But let's not forget two crucial points. First, there were ten NFL teams in 1941. It was hardly as much of an accomplishment to make it to the NFL Championship in 1941 than it is to make it to the Super Bowl in 2011. Second, the NFL in 1941 was robbed of plenty of potential talent. Black players, despite playing in the late 1920s and early 1930s were basically refused by owners in the 1940s, who agreed under the table to bar them from competition. The US was also just entering World War II and shipping over potential NFL players to Europe and the Pacific. Not to mention, professional football wasn't a lucrative job back then. Many former college football players were better off finding work elsewhere than continuing their football career.
So this is clearly the biggest game of the storied rivalry, but how did a Green Bay-Chicago playoff game of this magnitude not happen sooner? Let's break down the different phases of the NFL playoffs beginning in 1933.

1933-1966 - The NFL is split into two divisions. The teams with the best record in each division face off for the NFL Title. Imagine if we just let the Patriots and Falcons play in the Super Bowl this year. Thank God for expansion.
If two teams finished with the same record atop the division, then they played each other to see who would go to the NFL title game. This is exactly what happened in 1941. The Bears and Packers both finished with a 10-1 record and battled for the opportunity to take on the 8-3 New York Giants in the title game. The Bears won 33-14 and went on defeat the Giants 37-9 for the title.
It's amazing to think that such an improbable scenario led to the only playoff meeting of these two teams.
1967-1969 - The NFL splits into four divisions -- two in each conference. The two division winners in the same conference face each other. The two winners of these match ups play each other in the Super Bowl. The Bears and Packers are in the same division, and a tie atop the division was broken through a series of tie-brokers, not a game. This era would mark the only time in NFL playoff history when it was impossible for the Bears and Packers to meet in the playoffs.
1970-1978 - The AFL and NFL merge, leading to an expanded playoff format. The NFL is now composed of three divisions in each conference. The playoffs are composed of eight teams, the three division winners, and a wild card from each conference. The Bears and Packers never make the playoffs in the same year during this era.
1979-1989 - The NFL expands to a ten team playoff format. Still three division winners, but an extra wild card from each conference is added. The two wild card teams take part in what is basically a play-in game. The winner faces the number 1 seed, while the 2 and 3 seeds face each other. The Bears and Packers do not make the playoffs in the same year during this era either.
1990-2001 - The NFL expands to a 12 team playoff format. Still three division winners, but now three wild cards from each conference. The Bears and Packers now qualify for four of the potential six playoff spots, the best odds they'd ever had to meet in the playoffs up to this point, and best odds they've had since.
Not surprisingly they would both make the playoffs in the 1994-95 season, and the 2001-02 season. In 1994, both teams earned a wild card berth, Packers were the four seed and the Bears the six seed. They both won their opening round game and both lost their second round game, squashing a potential NFC Championship match-up.
In 2001, the Bears won the NFC Central and earned the two seed, while the Packers earned the four seed as the top wild card team. The Packers won their opening round game before falling to the number one seeded Rams in the divisional round. The Bears would lose to the Eagles, also in the divisional round, again preventing a possible Bears-Packers NFC Championship game.
2002-Present - The NFL realigns to four divisions per conference, with each division winner making the playoffs, as well as two wild card teams from each conference. Viola! The playoff format that we know today. This is the first year in this era that the Bears and Packers have made the playoffs the same year, and the 60 year anniversary of their first playoff match-up.

So that's how we got here. I'm not even going to attempt an explanation of what's about to ensue, keys to the game, who has an advantage where, or who is going to win. I don't know any of that and won't pretend to. I just have three thoughts.

1) It's fascinating to watch the Rodgers-Cutler contrast unfold. When Cutler was dealt to the Bears two years ago, onlookers gushed about a possible rivalry with him and Rodgers for the next ten years. Then Cutler had a poor 2009 season and it came to light that the two were actually good friends. The possibility of a good rivalry, or at least the kind that the media and fans wanted was pretty much dead.
Here we are in 2011 and each quarterback's public perception is beginning to take shape. Rodgers is the media darling for various reasons. He was commended for the way he's handled the Favre saga. He's played extremely well, to the point where Green Bay fans don't miss Favre even a little bit -- something I would have thought to be impossible three years ago.
Rodgers is also playing out of his mind. Every quarterback has their defining "I'm Here" moment. Rodgers has already played his way into the elite level of quarterbacks, he just needed the stage to show it to the world. What better way than to outshine Brady, Manning, and Brees in the playoffs (check) and lead his team to a Super Bowl victory (gulp). The stars seem to be aligning for Green Bay, and in two years or less, Aaron Rodgers will be regarded as the top quarterback in the NFL.
Then there's Jay Cutler. Rick Reilly wrote a not so flattering piece about him last week. There's nothing new here. Denver fans could have told you this five years ago, and Bears fans two years ago. It actually helped Reilly more than it hurt Cutler. No one under the age of 50 even knew Rick Reilly was still writing -- except for the people who noticed Reilly's miniature head on the ESPN.com front page while they were checking for Bill Simmons' column.
The point I'm trying to make is that Cutler's perceived douchiness could be just the element that this rivalry needs. Everybody loves Rodgers! He's the People's Champ. Just look at the way he shines his imaginary title belt after every touchdown.
Who likes Cutler? No one. Not even Bears fans. If NFL fans outside of Denver and Chicago were indifferent towards Cutler before, they sure won't be now that Cutler has the chance to win a Super Bowl. Look at the demeanor of the beloved Super Bowl winning quarterbacks Brady, Manning, and Brees. All are perceived as class acts, hard workers, great teammates, and leaders. In other words, their public perceptions are flawless. If he isn't included already, Rodgers fits the criteria for this club.
Cutler is the spoiled brat with bad body language. He'll curse out a referee or call out a teammate before he places the blame on himself, and his greatest contribution as a leader this year has been high-fiving his teammates after a successful PAT.
This rivalry has potential, even if they do like each other. Let us fans pretend.
2) Let me be the 11,765,093th person to comment on how improbable it is for the Bears and Packers to be in the NFC Championship game. The Packers have suffered a career-ending injury at seemingly every position this year -- including two Aaron Rodgers' concussions. I'm beginning to think Rodgers is just that good. It doesn't matter who you put out there with him -- he'll find a way to win.
Here's an underrated subplot of this year's Packers. I think most Packers fans assume that if this is what they're doing with a bunch of back-ups, imagine what next year will be like when everyone is healthy! This is the NFL and it usually doesn't work that way. I'm just going to pull up a seat and watch the slow burn of disappointment come next year.
The Bears have provided the blueprint for a roller coaster season. Very few people had high hopes for them at the start of the season. Then they pulled off three straight wins, two of them against the Packers and Cowboys, who were considered the two best teams in the NFC at the time. We started to believe, and then the Giants game brought us back to the team we were expecting to see this year. Add in losses to the Seahawks and Redskins and the season looked to be imploding before our eyes. Then a five game winning streak, including a win against the Eagles, the hottest team in the NFL at the time. It was that game that I think people started to believe (again).
The Bears are still underdogs as they've been all season. I like that. I like that the Packers have already been crowned Super Bowl champions. Nevermind that they have to play in Chicago against the only team (besides the possible Super Bowl foe New York Jets) who have shown the ability to stop their offense. A team has never and will never ride the wave of luck all the way to the Conference Championship game. These teams are more even than anyone is willing to acknowledge.
3) That being said, I'm admitting that this game makes me nervous. It's the most nervous I've ever been before a sporting event in my life. It's only Monday. You probably won't get a Packers or Bears fan to admit it, but the nervousness is resting somewhere in the back of their brain and will come out a little bit more each day. It's not that each fan base doesn't think they will win -- they just know there's always the possibility they won't.
I'm normally a proponent of "The bigger the game, the worse the loss," theory. For instance, some would say after losing the Super Bowl, "Well, at least we made it to the Super Bowl." Not me. Losing the Super Bowl is the worst kind of loss because you got so close. But not in this case. Losing to the Packers, knowing they could win the Super Bowl would hurt ten times more than losing the Super Bowl for the second time in five years. The thought will cross every Green Bay and Chicago fan between now and Sunday. Millions of people will be too ashamed to leave their house come 5:30 Sunday evening.