Favre Retires From Retirement Press Conferences

In a shocking turn of events, former Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has announced he is retiring from retirement press conferences. Favre's announcement came as a surprise to those who have followed him through out his career.
"It's hard to explain how much Brett enjoyed these press conferences," longtime friend Ned Loomis told the associated press. "He will approach this announcement with the same fire and child-like excitement that he did ever since he announced his first retirement in March of 2008."
With his announcement, Favre joins an elite list of players who have retired after conducting multiple retirement press conferences. The list includes the likes of Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, and Alonzo Mourning.
"It's an honor to be included with those guys," Favre said in a statement. "They're all Hall of Famers who played the game at the highest level. I can't think of any guys more deserving of multiple retirement press conferences than those three."
Favre's decision has angered many Vikings fans who expected him to forego this year's retirement press conference and return for another season.
"It's fucking bullshit, man," thirteen year old Vikings fan Ross Parker said. "Now we're stuck with two shitty quarterbacks instead of going after a big free agent. I got high hopes though. He still has unfinished business after that last press conference he muffed a few years ago."
"This is it," Favre said during his second retirement speech. "I'd like to thank the Packers, Jets, Vikings, Bucs, Dolphins, Ravens, and any other team I may have strung along through out the years. I appreciate all of the team improvements you foregoed in order to wait for my decision."
There had been rumblings over the years that Favre was unsure if he was able to withstand the physical and mental rigors of another retirement press conference.
"Brett was unsure if his ankle would be able to handle the stress of walking up the stairs to the podium," an anonymous source stated. "He played a few extra years to delay his announcement, but can play no longer."
"I'm very happy with my career and am extremely blessed to be involved with as so many important press conferences, whether retirement or other," Favre said. "But mentally this is the last retirement press conference I can handle. It's different than the one where I announced my addiction to pain killers. With that one, and the others that ensued, there was an outpouring of sympathy for me. It doesn't seem like that anymore with the retirement thing."