Roy Williams' Beautiful (In)Consistency

Roy Williams is much maligned in Chicago because he dropped some preseason receptions and replaced Johnny Knox's pretty hazel eyes in the starting lineup. The Knox situation is obviously indefensible, but Williams' occasional stone hands should come as no surprise. From the University of Texas, to Detroit, to Dallas, the book has been out on Williams. He's going to make some spectacular catches that remind you of how bright his future his. Then he's going to drop some routine passes that remind you he's a ninth-year wide receiver and far too old to be spoken of in terms of potential.

Roy Williams made his name in the NFL by being one of its most remarkably inconsistent players. No one can make the routine catches difficult and the difficult catches routine quite like him. He is one of the poster boys for what the NFL's detractors call a culture of showmanship over substance. He celebrates every first down catch by extending his long right arm and pointing -- no different than the referee's first down signal. Almost every receiver has indicated their own first down at least once in their career but no receiver remains as steadfastly loyal to the gesture as Williams. Williams' first down signal is the one consistency in an otherwise capricious career.

When it comes to Roy Williams, erratic is what we know. So why should his first down celebrations be any different? Rather than replicating the same boring hand signal, Williams should be trying to find new and creative ways to celebrate first downs. Here are a few suggestions.

    

NAME: Unemployment Line, Credit Card Declined

GAME TO UNVEIL: Week 5, @Detroit

DESCRIPTION: Historically, there are two appropriate ways to act at an unemployment line. The first is to jam your hands into your coat pockets and look straight ahead. Avoid all eye contact. Hum along to Ben Selvin's "Happy Days Are Here Again." The second is to cross your arms across your chest and look pissed off. Think of all the dumb fucks who still have jobs. The first person who asks for anything as much as the time is getting their head smashed into the concrete wall. Roy Williams doesn't have pockets so he has to settle for the second historically appropriate way to act.

RESULT: The state of Michigan, suffering from the third highest unemployment rate in the US knows the look all too well. They remember Williams was able to escape their dreadful 0-16 team five weeks into the season. Feelings of bitterness begin to fest within Lions fans. They contemplate burning tires late into the morning before realizing their team is 4-1 after defeating the Bears on Monday night. Things are looking up.

 

NAME: I Just Rhymed Kodak With Kodak, Pay Me

GAME TO UNVEIL: Week 9, @Philadelphia

DESCRIPTION: Cuban-American rapper Pitbull, despite making a career off of danceable songs, never learned how to dance himself. To cover up his deficiencies, he snaps his fingers and sways from left to right. One suspects young Pitbull picked up these moves from his father who was influenced by the sudden influx of rhythm-retarded Americans vacationing in Havana before the Castro regime. Dr. Pepper was impressed with how well Pitbull hid his inability to cut a rug and scooped him up to promote their equally coy product. Williams adopts the two-snap, left, right, left first down celebration to a chorus of Philly boos.

RESULT: Philly fans do not pick up on the the thinly veiled reference to Mike Vick and the pitbulls he murdered years ago. Had they known they would have become especially offended because Vick gives them the best chance to win a Super Bowl. Philadelphia reporters explain to Vick the connection between Williams' first down celebration and the actions that landed him in prison for almost two years. Vick says all the right things. The NFL Live crew devotes an entire half-hour segment to Vick's new found sincerity.

 

NAME: People Were Doing This Before The 1968 Olympics

GAME TO UNVEIL: Week 12, @Oakland

DESCRIPTION: Oakland is a city with a longstanding history of racial division and police brutality. From the city's ashes spawned the Black Panthers, a movement that would both terrify and inspire millions of Americans. In order to pay tribute to what Roy Williams believed was a world-class organization (particularly the free breakfast programs), he celebrates a first down by standing still and raising his right fist. Williams' timing couldn't be worse as the Bears are draped in their two-minute offense with no timeouts. His celebration costs the team a shot at a 48-year Robbie Gould field goal.

RESULT: Williams is accused of reverse racism by the Chicago media. Oakland fans misinterpret the gesture as questioning their manhood. They challenge Williams to a fight -- right there in the visitor's tunnel. The fans become confused and soon direct their misplaced rage at each other. A brawl ensues and results in the arrest of three grown-men painted head to toe in silver. Roy Williams v. O.co Coliseum is still pending.

Wisconsin In Need Of A Statement Tournament Win

Below are the overall records and number of Top 3 conference finishes in the last ten years of some of the high-profile coaches in college basketball. Their overall record is listed first, and number of Top 3 conference finishes in parentheses. Again, these numbers encompass the last ten years of each coach's career.

1) 294-64 (8)
2) 287-61 (10)
3) 287-73 (8)
4) 256-93 (6)
5) 242-90 (7)
6) 235-108 (5)

Now think about which coach matches which number. Surely, you guessed Coach K and Roy Williams at some point. Probably Bill Self, Tom Izzo, and maybe Jim Boeheim as well. Congratulations, you'd be correct. Chances are though, unless you're a college basketball savant, or follow the Big Ten closely, you didn't correctly guess number 5 on the list. That would be Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan, one of the most successful coaches of the last decade, but rarely mentioned in the same breathe as the other five.
It's easy to see why. Here's the same list, replaced by number of Sweet 16, Elite 8, Final Four, and Championship game appearances in the last ten years (2011 Sweet 16 appearances for Krzyzewski, Self, Williams, and Ryan were included).

1) Mike Krzyzewski - 6 Sweet 16s, 1 Final Four, 1 National Championship
2) Bill Self - 3 Sweet 16s, 2 Elite 8s, 1 National Championship
3) Roy Williams - 1 Sweet 16, 1 Elite 8, 2 Final Fours, 1 Runner-Up, 1 National Championship
4) Jim Boeheim - 3 Sweet 16s, 1 National Championship
5) Bo Ryan - 4 Sweet 16s, 1 Elite 8
6) Tom Izzo - 1 Sweet 16, 1 Elite 8, 2 Final Fours, 1 Runner-Up

Bo Ryan is as good of a regular season coach as there is in college basketball but his tournament resume pales in comparison to the above list of heavy hitters, which doesn't even include Thad Matta or Billy Donovan. My point is not to disparage Ryan, but to beg for a statement win.
Bo Ryan is the best thing to ever happen to Wisconsin hoops. Sure, Wisconsin won a National Championship (1941), and added a Final Four appearance (2000) before him, but those are two diamonds in a 78-year rough.
Ryan has been the model of consistency at Wisconsin, honing his system that won four Division III Championships at UW-Platteville. The Badgers qualified for the NCAA Tournament seven times in a 62-year period before Ryan's inaugural 2001-02 season. He has taken his team to the tournament in all ten years as Wisconsin head coach. The Badgers were never seeded higher than fifth before Ryan took over. They've been a four-seed or higher four times under him. Ryan's teams have also advanced to the Round of 32 in nine of their ten appearances.
Basically, pencil the Wisconsin Badgers into the second round of the tournament every year. 2011 is the year they have to take the next step.
I'm as realistic of a fan as any. Wisconsin never will be a Duke or North Carolina. They've successfully recruited one McDonald's All-American in school history and probably won't earn a commitment from another for the next ten years. Their roster is routinely composed of the best players from Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, and three-star recruits from Illinois. They don't have the name recognition, facilities, history, or market to compete with the schools that hang banners every year.
With that in mind, Bo Ryan has done a wonderful job of developing and recruiting players for his swing offense. Every player needs to be able to pass, handle the ball, and hit outside shots -- including big men. Ryan has shown a knack for finding skilled bigs and hard-nosed defenders, most of which were passed over or neglected all together by bigger name programs.
Realistically, Wisconsin's ceiling is the Elite 8 with an experienced and talented Bo Ryan team. It's time to escape from reality. Ryan needs desperately to validate his program. The best coaches and teams carry over their regular season success to the NCAA tournament. Wisconsin has yet to do that.
Their 2005 Elite 8 run was a bit of a fluke. They earned a 6-seed and defeated 11th seeded Northern Iowa in the first round. Then due to a couple of upsets, drew 14-seed Bucknell in the 2nd round, and 10-seed North Carolina State in the Sweet 16. The two teams they avoided? The 23-8 UConn Huskies and the 23-7 Kansas Jayhawks.
A 2011 advancement to the Elite 8 will be much more impressive. Belmont finished the regular season with 30 wins and was probably one of the three or four best mid-majors in the tournament. Kansas St. was a Top 5 preseason pick that dismissed some key players early in the year but still finished the season with the core of their team together. Butler is a veteran team with five contributing players from last year's runner-up team.
There is no clear-cut favorite between Wisconsin, Butler, Florida, or BYU. If there was ever a chance for Bo Ryan to lead his team to a Final Four this is it. Wisconsin basketball needs this. But more importantly, Ryan's legacy needs this.
Deep tournament runs are the only thing that separates him from the other great coaches of this era. Well that, and I don't see Coach K cranking dat Soulja Boy anytime soon.