Scott Skiles' Twisted Abode

SKILES: WELCOME TO THE FIERY PITS!! STONES HOT ENOUGH TO BURN A HOLE THROUGH BOGEY'S SURGICALLY REPAIRED ANKLE!! THIS IS WHERE I CALL HOME!!

THIBS: Well I'll be...Milwaukee was never much, but it sure has went to shit recently.

SKILES: MILWAUKEE? NO, TOMMY!! THIS IS HELL!! STONES HOT ENOUGH TO GRILL YOUR OFT-INJURED CENTER OVER!!

THIBS surveys the area. He admires each worker's efficiency. They all appear to have specific tasks, odd jobs -- so to speak; all of which they are executing to perfection.  

THIBS: I've never seen an operation run so smoothly.

SKILES: THE GUYS DOWN HERE KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT WORK ETHIC. THEIR SPIRITS HAVE BEEN BROKEN. THEY PUT THEIR HEADS DOWN, GET TO WORK, AND WAIT FOR THE END THAT IS NEVER GOING TO COME. NO BULLSHIT. NO COMPLAINTS.

THIBS: Sounds morbid.

SKILES: SOUNDS LIKE A DAMN GOOD BASKETBALL TEAM. GIVE ME 12 OF THESE GUYS AND I'D WORK WONDERS. HAMSTRING TEAR? THAT'S A SUCCESSFUL DAY IN THE FIERY PITS.

THIBS: Players today think the game is about them. They fail to realize they are replaceable pieces, only there to act out our vision.

SKILES: YE---

THIBS: Except Derrick. Derrick is not replaceable.

SKILES: YESS!! REMINDS ME OF A FAMOUS QUOTE FROM MY BIGGEST COACHING INSPIRATION, SIR ALFRED HITCHCOCK. HE SAID ACTORS SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE CATTLE.

THIBS: Yeah, OK. In a roundabout way, I kinda see where you're going--

SKILES: HE ALSO SAID 'GIVE THEM PLEASURE,' THEM BEING THE AUDIENCE, 'THE SAME PLEASURE THEY HAVE WHEN THEY WAKE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE.'

THIBS: .....

SKILES: NO ONE ENJOYS MILWAUKEE BUCKS GAMES. I TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN THIS!!! THE BUCKS HAVE NOT BEEN FUN TO WATCH FOR OVER A DECADE!!

THIBS: Are you OK, Scotty? Is the pressure getting to you?

SKILES lifts up from the table. His face is covered in cocaine.


SKILES: PRESSURE!? WHAT PRESSURE?! UNDER PRESSURE. DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DA DA. UNDER PRESSURE.

THIBS: You're starting to scare me. Your temples--they've exploded out of your head. They're just floating down a hot lava stream. Jesus, aren't you going to pick them up? Your eyes--they're next. I see the blood coursing through them. I can't be here for this. Where is the Bradley Center?

SKILES: [to no one in particular] ERSAN. ERSAAAAAAAAN. NOT THE DOUBLE SWITCH. NOT THE SADLHFAODFHAIDHFADJFLAD!!!!!!!!!!!!


THIBS stares off into the distance. He notices a pile engulfed in flames, growing larger by the minute. Through the bright orange tint, THIBS makes out the dismembered head of Vinny Del Negro.


THIBS lets out a terrified scream, the first time he's been scared since Derrick Rose rolled his ankle in last year's playoffs.


SKILES: MUAHAHAHAHA. I DID IT!! YES IT WAS ALL ME!! THE WORKERS DISPOSED OF THE BODY YOU WILL NEVER FIND IT. THAT SECOND-RATE SUNAVABITCH LUCKS INTO DERRICK AND THEN CP3. WHERE IS MY SUPERSTAR?! I NEVER SMILE. I CAN'T SMILE. STEPHEN JACKSON.

THIBS: Where is the body, Scotty? Vinny might not have know how to draw up an inbounds play, but goddamnit, he deserves a proper burial. That is the least we can give him.

SKILES: I'LL NEVER TELL.

THIBS: How about we play for it?

SKILES: Continue.

THIBS: We have a game tomorrow, right? So we play for it. I'll spot you 20 points. I win by more than 20 and you tell me where the body is. You lose by less than 20 and the motherfucker burns.

SKILES: DEAL.

The two shake on it.


THIBS: Now tell me how to get out of here and back to Milwaukee.

SKILES: SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME THAT EVERY MINUTE A MURDER OCCURS, SO I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME, I KNOW YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK. MUAHAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

THIBS walks in the opposite direction and asks the nearest slave laborer where the exit is. The slave laborer points him towards an elevator 56 miles east. THIBS begins his solitary journey and contemplates the evening's matchup. This is more than a potential 33nd regular season victory. This is about sending a man off honorably.