No Cussing In The House

Blogs With Balls is a New York-based sports blogger convention, now four years running. Those fortunate enough to attend put on their one good shirt and pair of pants, comb their hair for the first time in months, and Google search "How to tie Windsor tie." Or maybe that's just what I would do -- assuming I had the money and status worthy of attending. I think it's more about the money, as anyone can buy a ticket. Anyway, BWB presents various awards at their convention as if to say, "We're not here to celebrate mainstream print media, but we are here to celebrate mainstream electronic media!"

Joe Posnanski, the best sports writer alive, took home the award for Best Writer in something called the "Untitled Sports Media Award Project." I don't know what this means, and evidently, neither does he. It has Best Writer attached to it so we can assume the award was given to the right person. What struck me was an excerpt from Posnanski's acceptance speech, read for him because he was unable to attend:


I never expected to win this award because I generally don't swear, and I suspected that swearing would be a requirement for being named the best sportswriter on the Internet. I don't swear because I'm terrible at it, by the way. Every time I swear, I intend to sound like a character in a David Mamet play, but I end up sounding like Willis from the Jeffersons. At some point you have to know your place in the world. And my place is making outdated references to 1970s sitcoms and to not swear while doing it.


Posnanski's quip is reminiscent of the quick, but legendary beef between Will Smith and Eminem. Will Smith accepted his 1998 VMA award for "Best Male Video," the one called "Just the Two of Us," featuring his oldest son. He said something like this:

  


WOOOO. This is amazing, look at this little moon man. MOON MAN! A special thanks to my son, Trey, who appeared in the video. No, not Jaden, the son you guy's have heard of. This is 1998, remember? Jaden's only a couple of months old, and my daughter, the one who whips her hair -- she isn't even born yet! In 13 years Trey isn't going to be into the show business thing, so we won't acknowledge him anymore. Big Willie Style, ya heard the album! But f'real, this video was really important for me to do with my son. And what I'm most proud of is I can make music, clean music that I can play in front of him. Today's hip-hop music is filled with guns, drugs, and cussing. I've made a career out of everything opposite of that and still stand before you with this award. Thank you. WOOOO.


In attendance, slumped in his chair and high on a combination of amphetamines and X pills, Eminem takes in Will Smith's speech. He interprets it as a shot at him and his Aftermath record label mates specifically. He responds at the 1:40 mark of "The Real Slim Shady:"  




Was Posnanski taking a subtle shot at bloggers less adept at expressing themselves? Did Will Smith have Eminem specifically in mind? We'll never know on either account. What I do know is Posnanski managed to turn his statement around and play a joke on himself, as well as inadvertently cause this blogger to revisit a hip-hop song and "beef" just as outdated as The Jeffersons.

Posnanski, you're a fucking genius.