An Exercise In Futility

The baseball playoffs are upon us and for Cubs fans that means staring at the corner of the ceiling for a good 45 minutes, spit forming at the sides of our mouths as we contemplate killing the spider that's been there since April. The difference this year is we have a Steve Bartman documentary that presumably is going to teach us about the nature of scapegoating in American sports culture. This is very important stuff that we need to know, especially in this day and age. Utmost importance, friends.

October is a month dominated by Pumpkin Spice Lattes and changing leaf colors. Somewhere in there (Tuesday-Thursday) people find time to discuss the baseball playoffs. This is fine, but what about the consistently bad teams who can't be bothered with trifling matters such as winning? Their contributions should not be forgotten. That is why I have created the Idleons. The Idleons are the exact opposite of the Playoffs. The worst three teams in each division earn an Idleon spot, in addition to one Wild Card. The Wild Card is the team with the worst record who did not finish at the bottom of their division. Seeding and Wild Card tie-breakers are determined by W-L record within the division -- the team with the worse record receives the higher seed or Wild Card spot. It's all the same as the Playoffs, with bad records instead of good ones, and no play-in tiebreakers.

Microsoft Word is acting up -- punishment for trying to encroach on MLB's stronghold on the coveted Tuesday through Thursday work day slot. Therefore, I do not have a handy illustration of the Idleon seeding. Don't worry, if seeding is important to you, it's easy enough to set up yourself. Instead, I present the number of times each team has made the Idleons in the last ten years.

Who would you guess is the most successful Idleon team of the last ten years?  

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If you said the Royals, then congratulations, you are correct. The Royals have qualified for the Idleons an amazing nine times in the last ten years. This is arguably more impressive than anything Playoff-related in the last ten years. We need to start paying attention to the Idleons, for no other reason than to remind ourselves Kansas City is an American city with two professional sports teams. Wear that crown proudly Sluggerrr and enjoy your harem of Kansas City's finest. Whatever extracurricular activities you plan on getting into tonight, just remember: Under no circumstances should you take the crown off.

The list of Idleon appearances in the last ten years are as follows:*

Kansas City - 9
Baltimore - 6
Pittsburgh - 6
Seattle - 6
Tampa Bay - 6
Washington - 6
Arizona - 4
Chicago Cubs - 4
Detroit - 4
San Diego - 4
Cleveland - 3
Milwaukee - 3
NY Mets - 3
Texas - 3
Cincinnati - 2
Colorado - 2
Florida - 2
Atlanta - 1
Houston - 1
LA Dodgers - 1
Minnesota - 1
Oakland - 1
San Francisco - 1
Toronto - 1

*2011 results are as of September 26th. Number of appearances may be affected based on what happens in the last two games of the season.

The Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox, Angels, Cardinals, and Phillies have not qualified for the Idleons in the last ten years. So, you know, fuck 'em.