I took a trip over to the local library this afternoon to return a book and came across, dare I say, a typical Chicago Bears fan. Like all Bears fans, this one was more concerned with the Packers than his own team. He wore a heavy blue and white flannel shirt, a black knitted cap, and stood, feet firmly planted on the roof. Whether he was up there to fix something or bring home his point I don't know. Another man, bigger, perhaps more rational held the ladder and yelled up to him, "They're all saying Aaron Rodgers is overrated." Keep in mind I approached them mid-conversation so I couldn't tell you how they got to that point. My immediate reaction was, "ALL? Who's saying such a thing? No large, reactionary group of people could possibly be that stupid." The man on the roof yelled down to him, "Aaron Rodgers IS overrated." This was his moment, his statement to end all statements -- a thought more definitive than any he'd conjured up in 35 or so years of living.
Suddenly, the wind gusts picked up. Blue and white flannel shirt man began to sway -- arms flailing -- at the edge of the roof. "He IS overrated," he continued. "He IS." It became clear to me that he felt the wind was a sign from God. A powerful force meant to smite him and he stood there on the edge of the roof firm in his convictions. The wind continued to howl, and he kept going. "He IS, he IS, he IS..." His upper body now hung over the edge and he looked like he was performing the breaststroke in the swimming pool of his creation. The man on the ground, clearly concerned, mumbled something to the effect of, "You might want to get down from there." But the man on the roof enjoyed this too much. He was getting a kick out of battling his brisk, assuming enemy. He was winning.
The wind slowly died down and blue and white flannel shirt man took two steps back to gather himself. He surveyed the bikes and cars he was overlooking, and I'd have to assume, felt above it all. "I'm so sick of hearing about the goddamn Packers everywhere I turn." He averted his gaze. "9-0 my ass." This man nearly plummeted to his death, and for what? The current is coming to sweep us all away. It's best to trend in its general direction, lay our heads down, and let it take us where it will.
* * *
Let's clearly establish one thing from the get-go: Aaron Rodgers is the best player in the NFL. This is not debatable. It's bad enough I have to hear about how overrated Rodgers is in real life, but then I have to venture onto some Internet hatespeak platform masquerading as a legitimate website, only to hear that Aaron Rodgers isn't even having the most impressive season from a quarterback in the last five years. These propaganda-flingers will have you believe Tom Gay-dy's 2007 season trumps anything Rodgers will do this year. PUH-LEASE. They'll have you believe the rules are so slanted towards modern day offenses that Rodgers' numbers deserve the Roger Maris asterisk treatment. You want to talk about asterisks? Here's one: Randy Gene Moss. Tom Gay-dy simply threw the ball up and allowed Moss in all his gazelle-footed glory to run out and get it. You've seen some of those catches, no? Underthrown, overthrown, ten yards to the right, ten yards to the left, one hand free, no hands free. It didn't matter. Unless a back physically tackled Moss, there was no way he wasn't coming down with the ball. Wes Welker wasn't going to make those catches, folks. Deion Branch wasn't going to make those catches. And Moss accounted for almost half of Brady's 50 touchdown passes that year. LOL. Take Moss off the team and Gay-dy's numbers are looking mad average. Get that shit outta here, bro.
Now I'm supposed to believe Aaron Rodgers has someone of Moss' caliber in Green Bay. Don't get me wrong, Greg Jennings is the most underappreciated receiver in all of football, but Greg Jennings isn't making those catches. Jordy Nelson is a white guy named Jordy and Rodgers is making him look like a beast out there. Rodgers is placing passes so perfectly in between James Jones' hands that he can't even drop them. Donald Driver is 58-years old. McCarthy and Rodgers are drawing up misdirection shovel passes because they look cool on the whiteboard and they want to throw John Kuhn a bone once in a while. I believe in this defense too. They're going to get better because they have Pro Bowlers and they can't get any worse.
I know what you're thinking, Internet stat-geeks. The Packers couldn't possibly go 19-0. There's too much parity in this league. The pressure is too great. The 2007 Gay-triots had the best chance we'll ever see and that ship has sailed. Now Aaron Rodgers is obviously working with a lot less than Gay-dy had, but this should not sway you. This Packers team is light years ahead of what the rest of the league is doing. Look at their remaining schedule. Who's honestly going to beat them? I see you, Internet word-nerds, moisturizing your delicate hands and circling Week 13 against the Giants. LOL. Have you forgotten dum-dum Eli Manning still quarterbacks these New York football Giants? Have you forgotten the wounded ducks Eli is capable of throwing in adverse New York weather conditions? The Giants are going to punt to Randall Cobb -- this year's DeSean Jackson. Tom Coughlin will be tomato-red in the face five minutes in trying to match wits with McCarthy. The Packers might just line-up Ryan Grant at tight end because you never know, and it would give something for future opponents to think about.
It's time for me to address my fellow Bears fans because, quite frankly, some of you are embarrassing in the alcoholic uncle sort of way. Like, I'm embarrassed to even be associated with some of you. All this picking and prodding and advanced statistics and this "They're weak in the secondary!!" garbage takes you back to square one: 9-0. Kiss the ring, watch the throne, whatever. I know I am. How can you honestly watch a Packers game and not take delight in a guy like James Starks? This is a guy who was given nothing. Watch him truck a defensive back and tell me this guy doesn't run with a purpose. I look at the stat sheet and Starks runs for 60 yards and it feels like 150 because his aura, his entire presence on the football field feels magical in a way that a biased Bears fan couldn't understand. How can you watch Rodgers and Jennings execute a perfect 10-yard slant without your eyes getting a little bit watery? I was in the middle of a momentous cry during last night's second quarter and my girlfriend walked in on me. I had to tell her my best friend from childhood died. Car accident. I don't feel good about that one bit, but if you appreciate good football, the Packers are sure to turn you into one of those Miller Lite pussies.
It would be irresponsible of me to exit before singling out the exemplary performance from the Packer faithful Monday Night. They're the best and most loyal fan base in all of professional sports for a reason and you saw it yesterday. Jared Allen managed to stumble into a few sacks like he's been doing all season and tried the hog tie routine at Lambeau Field. Know one thing: Packers fans will extend a forgiving hand for many things (addiction to painkillers, sexual assault, drunk driving, lean), but a repetitive, unimaginative celebration that isn't called the Lambeau Leap is not one of them. You tried to get gully in front of the most rapid fan base in all of sports Mr. Allen and you got your ass handed to you. Don't ever try it again.
Did you even know the city of Green Bay owns the Packers? I didn't until yesterday. Pretty neat fact. And this is what truly separates Green Bay from every other NFL city. It's in the blood. Kids are born and their parents immediately put them on the season-ticket waiting list. Never mind that they don't really like football and would rather play the piano -- they're going to go outdoors in -10 degree weather, grill some brats, drink some beer, and toss around the pigskin until their knuckles crack and bleed. There's no choice in the matter. So while Chicago parents are coddling their children and allowing them to "pursue their interests," Green Bay children are being force-fed a beautiful brand of football. Fandom done right if you ask me. And you wonder why Bears fans can't muster up the slightest hint of excitement when leading the Lions by three scores -- little Johnny is too concerned with watercolors and his biology homework.
The Bears and Packers play on Christmas Day this year. The Packers will be 14-0 and the Bears will hopefully have their heads above water! May I be the first to say it's an honor to play such a distinguished franchise in a historic stadium on the holiest of red-blooded American days. The Packers could really wipe the floor with us, but I don't think they will. They have too much respect for the game and its players. They wouldn't send the Bears home to their families on Christmas Day like that. Honor and integrity are two things they teach in Green Bay, dating back to the days of the great Vince Lombardi who lied on his resume to land the Packers job in 1959. Mike McCarthy may purposely lose a timeout on a dumb challenge or James Jones may inexplicably fumble the ball, no one within ten yards of him -- something to keep the game close.
When this season is over we'll be talking about the 2011 Green Bay Packers as the greatest football team of all-time -- 19-0 and three merciless playoff victories because honor and integrity don't apply in the playoffs. Anything less would be a colossal disappointment. Ask Packer fans, they're as confident as anyone. They know how much your team sucks. Can you feel that? It's the current here to sweep you away, Bears fans. Don't fight it. Drift peacefully in the wind unnoticed as the Packers tussle with the lofty expectations they've established for themselves.
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