It's Never Just Hair Loss

Matt Forte in 2008.

Matt Forte in 2009.

Matt Forte in 2010.

Matt Forte in 2011.

Sweet mother of God! That hairline -- it's -- it's -- pushed back a full inch. A receding hairline comes with age and stress. Stress. Forte was planning a wedding and how to tell his fiance he knocked up his ex-girlfriend when this picture was taken. This was also only a few months removed from the loss to the Packers in the NFC championship game. Stressful things indeed, but let's be honest with ourselves. Forte's hair loss is the result of his contract situation. Everything relates back to his contract because we want to believe there's some justice and distinction in a sport where there is none. It's also less painful to discuss someone else's salary than our own. Alas, Forte showed up to camp looking like Taj Gibson's brother.

   

And cannot be interviewed without a hat for the rest of his life.

When will the madness end? You say Forte shaved his head to conceal his hair loss. I say shaving one's head is an act symbolic of the pain and loss one is feeling. Forte's grown the contract-squabble-beard perfected by Darrelle Revis. Remember when he rejoined his teammates for the taping of Hard Knocks? Dude looked like he hadn't seen bright light in 18 days. Dude most definitely hadn't groomed for at least a month. It was depressing and I wonder if Forte is suffering the same silent anguish. He's almost certainly dipped into the junk food. Once he discovers the delicious combination of pepperoni pizza topped with chocolate syrup and sandwiched in between two Krispy Kreme donuts, those jump cuts aren't going to embarrass defenders anymore.

So as you try to convince your sensible friends Forte deserves a shitload of guaranteed money, don't reference his statistics or big plays. Running backs typically break down after five years -- the ones lucky enough to last that long. Cite the visible damage to his appearance and the inevitable damage to his psyche. These are sane, persuasive arguments. Or just run around in circles, bang your head repeatedly against the wall while chanting "Pay Forte." Your friends will probably say "Fuck it," and agree with you.