Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Welcome Aboard Theo

You have so much to look forward to.


"THEO. WOO. BERNSTEIN. WOO. THEO. WOO."


".........."


"First, you gotta sign Pujols and then move him back to third. HELLO, he was good there. Then sign Prince, and BOOM. And get DeRosa back here. Why the HELL did we let him go?! CLASS ACT and GRITTY as all hell. And what's it gonna take to get CAMPANA in the lineup everyday? HELLO! And get rid of those bums SORIANO and MARMOL. And tell Zambrano to give back some of that ACE money! Kick him to CURB for all I care. Play on playa. GO CUBS GO. GO CUBS GO. Hey Chicago, whadaya say?


".........."


"Hey there."


".........."


"I tell ya, there's nothing like a day at the ballpark. Good, wholesome entertainment. I love just rounding up the family in the ol' Honda Odyssey and taking a trip to the greatest city in the world. Keep the doors locked, boys! Sure, I payed 25 dollars for parking, but it's nothing to me. In fact, I'm going to pay upwards of 300 hundred dollars today! Who cares? You can't put a price on fun. But is there something you can do about the language around here? Now I'm not trying to impede on anyone's good time, but, pardon my French, some of these guys can be real jerk-offs. I have two young boys here with me, ya know what I'm sayin'?


".........."


"Attaboy, Steiney. We're getting better everyday. I can feel it."


".........."


"I will remain visible."


".........."


*Blows gently in the wind.*


".........."


"Well, shit son."


".........."


"I bet you thought I was going to say 'Here's looking at you, kid.' Well, I'm not. And we're clearly not at the end of the movie yet, anyway."


"Yes, my grandfather co-wrote Casablanca. I love deep dish pizza, Oprah, and Jim Belushi. Whoops, it's not called the Sears Tower anymore. I don't put ketchup on my hot dogs. I don't believe in curses. Ron Santo was a wonderful, wonderful man who deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. Let's play two! Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger. I hope I never have to see any of you again." 

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