Todd Collins Or Tom Collins?

If you're like me you cringed a little bit when you saw Jay Cutler was going to be held out of Sunday's game for precautionary reasons after suffering a concussion. I spent all of last year bashing Cutler, and while I haven't got my fill just yet, I wish he was starting against the Panthers.
It's one of those situations where I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. Sure, Cutler made some stupid decisions, but he was also competent in some areas. Like throwing the ball beyond 20 yards, and avoiding almost constant pressure.
Back up Todd Collins, this Sunday's starter, appears less than competent in both areas. It's funny reading about Collins. His crowning NFL achievement was leading the 2007 Redskins to three straight victories at the end up the season after stepping in for the injured Jason Campbell.
Jay Cutler equalled the 15 year veteran's greatest professional accomplishment in the first three weeks of this season.
So who is Todd Collins, and how can he help us win this game? Truthfully, I don't know. The only thing I can think of when I hear his name is a Tom Collins. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. Come to think of it, the 2010 Bears are a lot like a Tom Collins.

The Tom Collins alcoholic beverage is made with:
2 oz. gin
1 oz. lemon juice
1 tsp superfine sugar
3 oz. club soda
1 maraschino cherry
1 slice orange
GIN - Todd Collins is clearly the gin of this team. He's a necessary component of the team. Every team needs a quarterback, right? But if you could avoid him you would. Kind of like how you would never drink gin straight. At least I hope you wouldn't.
LEMON JUICE - Julius Peppers. The lemon juice is what makes this drink. It's why fans of the drink range from college students to old women. Peppers is the sole reason why the Bears are 3-1. He's put the entire defense on his back, and carried them well beyond what his stats indicate. If only he could be in two places at once, and take Tommie Harris' spot.
SUGAR - Devin Hester and the entire special team's unit. You could probably drink a Tom Collins without sugar. I haven't tried it, it probably tastes OK. But as long as you have the sugar, why wouldn't you add it? Hester's special teams play gives the Bears the extra kick. He's the difference between a decent team and a good team. Expecting consistent touchdowns from him is unreasonable, but it's not too much to ask to pick a hole, and run straight, full speed ahead.
CLUB SODA - Brian Urlacher. Club soda is the wild card of this drink. It can be replaced with carbonated variations and still garner the same results. It looked like Urlacher was replaceable a few years ago. We could have brought a younger linebacker in to take his place, but it just wouldn't have been the same. Urlacher used to be, and probably still is one of the most popular players in the league. At this point, it's good to see him start the year off right. And for now, he's irreplaceable.
CHERRY AND ORANGE SLICE - Matt Forte and the running game. The cherry and orange slice add more to the presentation of the drink rather than the actual taste. You could order a Tom Collins at a bar and even though it would taste the same, you would feel jipped if they didn't give you the cherry and orange to go with. That's how I feel about the Bears running game. At best, we're only going to average 75 to 80 yards a game on the ground. Our defense, and to a lesser extent, our passing attack are going to win us games. The run game is more about the presentation, to make us look like we're a complete team. So analysts can feel confident picking us, without feeling guilty about picking a team with no running game.
Cheers to Tom, I mean, Todd Collins! If you survive Sunday's game, I'm sure someone, somewhere will buy you a drink.