Ohio State University = My Ex-Girlfriend

I dated the Ohio State football program for roughly eleven years. I gave my heart to them. I was there for every dominating defensive performance, three and out, and the culmination of both; the 2003 National Championship.
I watched every game as a kid and didn't care that everyone around me was rooting for Illinois, Northwestern, or Notre Dame.  On the low, I kind of liked dating the girl my friends and family didn't approve of.
Then that fateful day in March of 2005...
I received a letter in the mail. Knowing this wasn't going to be pretty, I called OSU. The following is an excerpt of our conversation.
ME: So, uh, I don't really know how to say this. Uh, I got a letter in the mail today and...I'm just going to say it, I received an offer to date the University of Wisconsin.
OSU: That bitch!
ME: Yeah, this is a really great opportunity for me. She's really starting to develop into a beautiful woman. I love cheese. We can't do this long distance thing anymore, it's never going to work. It's not you, it's me. I'm a mess and don't know what I want in life.
OSU: You think I care? Like you're that special? I fuck 100 thousand people every Saturday, and that's just in the city of Columbus. You're nothing to me, I don't even know your name.
ME: Good, so we're in agreement then. Good luck next year.
I played it casually there towards the end, but it hurt me very deeply. I haven't thrown any of our memories away. I still have the Eddie George jersey in the closet, and the VHS tape of the Championship game. I know I should get rid of them, but I just can't.
On the low, Eddie George and Maurice Clarett are still my two favorite college football players of all time.   

Break-ups are especially difficult when your ex is enjoying a much greater level of success. Check the numbers:
Wisconsin: 48-17 in the last five years, 0 BCS Bowls
Ohio State: 54-10 in the last five years, 5 BCS Bowls, including two National Championship games.
The only positive, Wisconsin was 3-2 in those bowls, while Ohio State was 2-3 (0-2 in the BCS title games). Although I'd hardly call that much of a positive.
So that was the back drop for Saturday's match up. Things looked oh so familiar, with Ohio State rolling into Madison with an undefeated record and number one ranking. Meanwhile, Wisconsin was drenched in their customary mediocrity, with one loss and a ranking of 18.
There were two things I thought Wisconsin needed to do to win this game.
1) Most important, control the time of possession. I figured Ohio State was going to score, so it was important that Wisconsin could limit their opportunities. Fortunately, Wisconsin's entire offense is based around running and controlling the clock.
2) Limit Terrelle Pryor's rushing yards. Again, you can't really stop him, but I thought it was important to contain him. His speed versus our linebackers was a complete mismatch, and if given some open space, he would be able to wreak havoc.
Time of possession was even, Ohio State held the ball for six seconds longer. Pryor ran 18 times, but for only 56 yards. If I see those numbers without watching the game, I assume Ohio State wins, only because they have more playmakers on offense and can score quickly.
In fact, the stats in this game were staggeringly similar:
First Downs: Ohio State +1
Total Yards : Wisconsin +25
Passing Yards: Ohio State +4
Rushing Yards: Wisconsin +29
Penalty Yards: Wisconsin +21
Turnovers: Both quarterbacks threw an interception
Look at those numbers and tell me that this game wasn't decided by three points or less. Incredible. The difference was the opening kickoff that David Gilreath returned for a touchdown. On a side note, that return actually worried me even more.

That's because I'm a Cubs fan. We find a way to turn positives into negatives. Remember Game 1 of the 2008 NLDS? Mark DeRosa hit a 2-run homer in the 4th to put the Cubs up 2-0. The stadium went silent. Great, we're in the lead, we thought. Now we're going to find a way to blow this.
Hmm, when is the last time I can remember the opening kickoff being taken to the house? The 2006 Super Bowl. The one the Bears lost. Yes, I honestly believed returning the opening kickoff was a bad omen.
Anyway, it was great taking down Pryor. I don't like his hair, he's a terrible passer, and I despise the way him and LeBron send each other "Let's get it bro" tweets everyday. That being said, he's really good. An ideal run-first quarterback in college who's probably going to have to convert to receiver to play in the NFL. Only 56 rushing yards, we got away with one.
This win was my equivalent of pulling up in a rented Benz to the High School Reunion. It's looks good now, but things will be back to normal the next day. Ohio State will go on to play in countless title games, while Wisconsin strives for the Rose Bowl. That's fine with me. I'm marrying the slightly less attractive chick that makes me happy.
I'm happy as can be. This is by far the best Wisconsin win since I've switched allegiances.
I see you Ohio State University. Still breaking hearts after all these years. This time, it won't be mine.