Palate Cleanser

I've watched this Hail Mary exactly one hundred times since it happened two weeks ago. I told myself I would stop at one hundred, as the cleansing should be sufficient by then. Watch any video -- spectacular, brutal, harrowing, inspirational -- enough times and it will become ordinary. Desensitization is the name of the game. This Michigan State Hail Mary, as improbable and synchronically beautiful as it once seemed, is just another game-winner to me now, no different than a first down completion or kneel down in the victory formation. But enough about the Michigan State game. This post is about the Ohio State game and the moment of redemption that was set up perfectly for Wisconsin, and never happened.

Unconsciously and sometimes consciously we try to make sense of things through comparison. Much of today's sports writing is is predicated on comparing last night's game to The Wire or The Shawshank Redemption. Or trying to find a historical comparison for a certain player, or a game in a similar ilk to the one that just occurred. This type of thinking can be lazy, and prevent us from forming any kind of original thought. But comparisons can also help in providing a larger context for sports and a more developed paradigm from which to work. I guess it all depends on perspective.

Comparisons are especially useful to shape a narrative. Take the last two Wisconsin games. Wisconsin lost on a last second Hail Mary and now found themselves on the other end of it against Ohio State. After letting their three-point lead slip away, Wisconsin received the ball on the 40-yard line, down four points with 18 seconds left. Looking to get the Badgers within a more manageable Hail Mary distance, Russell Wilson's first throw was an incompletion to Nick Toon. The second, again to Toon, bounced off his hands. But wait...a penalty! And not just any penalty, but a 15-yard personal foul on Ohio State safety Christian Bryant for grabbing the face mask. The clock had ran out, so Wisconsin had one play left from Ohio State's 45-yard line, the manageable Hail Mary distance they were looking for.

This was now venturing far beyond the realm of half-baked comparison. Michigan State's Hail Mary came from Wisconsin's 43-yard line. Cousins released the ball at his own 45. Russell released the ball at his own 44. Both quarterbacks faced a three-man rush and rolled out to their right. The only difference: where Wisconsin dropped back eight, Ohio State linebacker Andrew Sweat lingered around midfield until the pocket collapsed. He sensed his opportunity, blew past the Kevin Zeitler practically untouched and got just enough of Wilson's arm to prevent a throw of any consequence (4:22 in the video below).




What I sensed, even in real time, was a perfect narrative, a Hail Mary destined to redeem the Badgers from last week's gaff/bad luck. Except Andrew Sweat showed up to the table with a compass handy and attempted to draw perfect circles by hand. They of course came out misshapen and ugly. Fuck you Andrew Sweat for having the gall to change the course of something much bigger than you.

With two straight losses comes crazy consequences, like looking up a little bit higher at Penn State in the standings. The same Penn State that needed almost forty minutes to push across a field goal against Illinois, and for Illinois to miss a 42-yard field goal as time expired to come away with a 10-7 win at home. The same Penn State whose coach, 84-year-old Joe Paterno, sits up in the booth and does God knows what. Does he call plays, watch film, or do anything 21st century coaches do? I don't know. His recruiting pitch has been reduced to, "Come to Penn Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaate," as he clutches his coat pockets, bravely withstanding the ever-present chills of 80 degree weather. "It's either here or the Temple Owls," his recruits respond. "Sure. I'll come to Penn State coach." JoePa recently accepted a nice plaque to commemorate his Division I leading 409th win, to which he thanked the room for the thoughtful birthday gift. They didn't have to get him anything.

Penn State controls their destiny in the Big Ten, but the real test starts now. They have a bye next week, and follow that up with a home tilt with Nebraska, and back-to-back away games at Ohio State and Wisconsin. Wisconsin needs them to lose at least one of those games before their match-up to close out the Big Ten season. Should this happen, and as long as the losing stops, Wisconsin can still miraculously end up in the Big Ten title game. Two weeks ago it was the National Championship, this week it's, "Gee willikers, I hope the Nittany Lions slip up so we at least have a shot at playing for the BIG TEN title." How the mighty have fallen. Apologies to Purdue and Minnesota for what's going to happen in the next two weeks.

November 5th marks the start of a cleansing period for the Badgers. They've experienced the turbulence and can see clear skies ahead (fingers crossed). There's now officially no room for error, but don't worry, Bret Bielema gets off to that sort of thing. I expect a much more focused football team. Or a team that appears more focused but is really just beating up on shitty competition. I'm fine with either.

Next Thanksgiving, Big Ten Fans Will Be More Thankful

For those of us who have recovered from yesterday's Thanksgiving day feast, Friday's college football slate feels a lot like the dessert. Three games, (2) Aurburn- (11) Alabama, (21)Arizona- (1)Oregon, and (4)Boise State- (19) Nevada have all the makings of a drama-filled weekend prior to Conference Championship Week. National Championship implications, rivalries, and potential upsets are as essential as turkey, gravy, and mashed potatoes were yesterday.
That's great for the SEC (Conference Championship next week) and Pac 10 (who doesn't have a 3-team tie atop the conference), but Big Ten fans are once again, both literally and figuratively, left out in the cold. The lack of a Championship Game is nothing new in the Big Ten, but seems particularly important at the moment.
Consider tomorrow's marquee Big Ten games: Michigan - (8) Ohio State, (10) Michigan State - Penn State, Northwestern - (7) Wisconsin. Wisconsin lost to Michigan State and beat Ohio State, and Ohio State beat Michigan State. All three teams are currently 10-1, 6-1 within the division. Since neither team defeated the other two, the BCS ranking will be used to determine the Big Ten Champion (assuming each teams wins tomorrow).
The BCS, the vindictive system that it is, has screwed all of our teams over at one point. That's why we don't like it. Yet, Big Ten fans will likely be at its mercy this weekend.
As a Wisconsin fan, not only do I have to root for my own team, but either an Ohio State victory, or Michigan State defeat. If Ohio State loses, Wisconsin loses, even if they win. Make sense? Of course it doesn't, it's the BCS all over again. Michigan State owns the tie-breaker with Wisconsin, some if it comes down to a draw between them, Michigan State goes to the Rose Bowl.
Realistically, Wisconsin, Ohio State, and Michigan State should win tomorrow. If they do, Wisconsin will win the Big Ten. So what am I complaining about? The lack of competition. Allowing computers to decide which team is best. Not giving the two best teams in conference a chance to battle it out. I don't like doing things in a round-about way. If a championship is to be crowned, the champion should be decided by a game between the first and second best team.
Here's what I'm thankful for this holiday season: there will be a Big Ten Championship game -- next year. With the inclusion of Nebraska into the Big Ten and subsequent realignment into two six-team divisions, a Big Ten football champion will be crowned the right way next year.
Some people don't like like it. They want rivalries preserved. They want Big Ten schools to be more centrally located on the map.
Minnesota and Wisconsin have been playing each other for 120 years, and their recent rivalry with Iowa has developed into one of the more competitive ones in the Big Ten.
Paul Bunyan's Axe and the Heartland Trophy are filled with tradition but they're not the most important prize. That distinction belongs to the National Championship trophy. As a Wisconsin fan, I'm more concerned with having a fair shot at the National Championship than defeating Minnesota 41-23 in the sixth game of the season.
Today, I give thanks for the BCS system that happens to favor my team right now. Next year, the eleven other Big Ten teams can be thankful too.

Ohio State University = My Ex-Girlfriend

I dated the Ohio State football program for roughly eleven years. I gave my heart to them. I was there for every dominating defensive performance, three and out, and the culmination of both; the 2003 National Championship.
I watched every game as a kid and didn't care that everyone around me was rooting for Illinois, Northwestern, or Notre Dame.  On the low, I kind of liked dating the girl my friends and family didn't approve of.
Then that fateful day in March of 2005...
I received a letter in the mail. Knowing this wasn't going to be pretty, I called OSU. The following is an excerpt of our conversation.
ME: So, uh, I don't really know how to say this. Uh, I got a letter in the mail today and...I'm just going to say it, I received an offer to date the University of Wisconsin.
OSU: That bitch!
ME: Yeah, this is a really great opportunity for me. She's really starting to develop into a beautiful woman. I love cheese. We can't do this long distance thing anymore, it's never going to work. It's not you, it's me. I'm a mess and don't know what I want in life.
OSU: You think I care? Like you're that special? I fuck 100 thousand people every Saturday, and that's just in the city of Columbus. You're nothing to me, I don't even know your name.
ME: Good, so we're in agreement then. Good luck next year.
I played it casually there towards the end, but it hurt me very deeply. I haven't thrown any of our memories away. I still have the Eddie George jersey in the closet, and the VHS tape of the Championship game. I know I should get rid of them, but I just can't.
On the low, Eddie George and Maurice Clarett are still my two favorite college football players of all time.   

Break-ups are especially difficult when your ex is enjoying a much greater level of success. Check the numbers:
Wisconsin: 48-17 in the last five years, 0 BCS Bowls
Ohio State: 54-10 in the last five years, 5 BCS Bowls, including two National Championship games.
The only positive, Wisconsin was 3-2 in those bowls, while Ohio State was 2-3 (0-2 in the BCS title games). Although I'd hardly call that much of a positive.
So that was the back drop for Saturday's match up. Things looked oh so familiar, with Ohio State rolling into Madison with an undefeated record and number one ranking. Meanwhile, Wisconsin was drenched in their customary mediocrity, with one loss and a ranking of 18.
There were two things I thought Wisconsin needed to do to win this game.
1) Most important, control the time of possession. I figured Ohio State was going to score, so it was important that Wisconsin could limit their opportunities. Fortunately, Wisconsin's entire offense is based around running and controlling the clock.
2) Limit Terrelle Pryor's rushing yards. Again, you can't really stop him, but I thought it was important to contain him. His speed versus our linebackers was a complete mismatch, and if given some open space, he would be able to wreak havoc.
Time of possession was even, Ohio State held the ball for six seconds longer. Pryor ran 18 times, but for only 56 yards. If I see those numbers without watching the game, I assume Ohio State wins, only because they have more playmakers on offense and can score quickly.
In fact, the stats in this game were staggeringly similar:
First Downs: Ohio State +1
Total Yards : Wisconsin +25
Passing Yards: Ohio State +4
Rushing Yards: Wisconsin +29
Penalty Yards: Wisconsin +21
Turnovers: Both quarterbacks threw an interception
Look at those numbers and tell me that this game wasn't decided by three points or less. Incredible. The difference was the opening kickoff that David Gilreath returned for a touchdown. On a side note, that return actually worried me even more.

That's because I'm a Cubs fan. We find a way to turn positives into negatives. Remember Game 1 of the 2008 NLDS? Mark DeRosa hit a 2-run homer in the 4th to put the Cubs up 2-0. The stadium went silent. Great, we're in the lead, we thought. Now we're going to find a way to blow this.
Hmm, when is the last time I can remember the opening kickoff being taken to the house? The 2006 Super Bowl. The one the Bears lost. Yes, I honestly believed returning the opening kickoff was a bad omen.
Anyway, it was great taking down Pryor. I don't like his hair, he's a terrible passer, and I despise the way him and LeBron send each other "Let's get it bro" tweets everyday. That being said, he's really good. An ideal run-first quarterback in college who's probably going to have to convert to receiver to play in the NFL. Only 56 rushing yards, we got away with one.
This win was my equivalent of pulling up in a rented Benz to the High School Reunion. It's looks good now, but things will be back to normal the next day. Ohio State will go on to play in countless title games, while Wisconsin strives for the Rose Bowl. That's fine with me. I'm marrying the slightly less attractive chick that makes me happy.
I'm happy as can be. This is by far the best Wisconsin win since I've switched allegiances.
I see you Ohio State University. Still breaking hearts after all these years. This time, it won't be mine.