My Favorite Sports Hair Part 5 (John Clay)

I haven't updated this series in a long time, and I can't think of a better athlete to usher in its resurrection than Wisconsin running back John Clay. Actually, Clay's hair would fall into the "My Least Favorite Sports Hair" category, but that category doesn't exist, so I put him here. Also, I'm all about positivity. I can't imagine constructing a piece molded around negativity. Just kidding, that piece will probably come next Tuesday.
Anyway, Clay's hair represents the new age athlete. It incorporates a mohawk, symbols shaved into one's head, and unmeasurable amounts of swag.
If there's three things I don't understand its mohawks, the desire to have symbols shaved into your head, and swag. Maybe that's why I just don't get it.
For reference, here's a video of Clay's hair. I couldn't find a picture, but this video actually illustrates it better because you can see both sides.
If you direct your attention to the upper right side of his head, it looks like Clay has laces shaved into his head. I didn't notice this detail before watching video. If those are in fact supposed to be the laces of a football, I can respect this haircut a little more.
My main gripe is with the stars on both sides. Starts to me are a bit feminine. And believe me, the only way a 6'1, 248 pound bruising running back could look feminine is if he has stars shaved into his head. Couldn't Clay have come up with something a little better? Like say Bucky Badger, the Heisman Trophy, or even the Capitol Building.
Come to think of it, those figures might be a little hard shave. My only experience with trying to get something shaved into my head was at age 7 or 8. My entire baseball team was shaving their number into the back of their heads. I was number 8. I asked the hairdresser to shave an 8 and she told me that it would end up looking like two squares on top of each other. Did I want another number? No. I wished I'd had an easy number like 11.
In all seriousness, Clay has continued his outstanding sophomore effort into the early part of this year. Despite sharing carries with Montee Ball and James White, Clay has still managed to surpass 100 yards in each of the Badgers' first three victories. On the year, Clay has amassed 383 yards on 62 carries.
If this pace continues and the Badgers find themselves in the Rose Bowl at the end of the year, Clay will be one of the select few invited to the Heisman Trophy ceremony in New York City.
Just as exciting, Clay is currently 10th on the Wisconsin all-time rushing leaders list with 2,784 yards. While Ron Dayne's 7,125 is out of the question, if he stays healthy and returns for his senior season, Clay should pass Anthony Davis for second on the all-time list.
Thankfully for us, we're able so see Clay run over opponents with a helmet on. Besides protecting him from concussions and other important things like that, his helmet also covers up that hideous mohawk hybrid.

My Favorite Sports Hair Part 4 (Alexi Lalas)

When judging best hair, it's important not to become distracted by other factors, such as facial hair. This is quite hard in Alexi Lalas's case because, how can you not be distracted by bright red beard primed to poke your eye out?
In fact, I will go on the record as saying that Lalas is one of the most recognizable athletes of my generation. The so called "return" of American soccer in 1994 led to feature stories and pictorials all across various sports magazines. That mop of red hair and scraggly beard looked more fitting next to a garbage can, on the streets of California, than it did on a soccer field. Even though us kids probably never saw him play or had any idea how good he was, it was his face we associated with American soccer.
I knew nothing about soccer growing up and wasn't too interested to delve further into the sport. But I remembered Lalas because of that hair. So in a way, Lalas's hair was good for the sport. At that age it kept my attention better than a 90 minute soccer match could. I remember it like it was yesterday, Sports Illustrated for Kids used to run a page of cheap sports cards that you could tear off. I had a card of Alexi, which has disappeared with time.
Thankfully, sixteen years later I have been reacquainted with Lalas in the form of his ESPN and ABC commentary during the World Cup. After the disappointing US loss to Ghana, I can safely say that Lalas's commentary has been the highlight of the World Cup. I'm aware that he has been criticized for his lack of tactical analysis, but that's not what I'm watching for.
For a casual soccer fan in America, Lalas is a tailor made announcer. He doesn't even try to cover up his bias towards America. He's funny, arrogant, and has very little chemistry (which I have to believe is intentional) with the other analysts.
Lalas and Steve McManaman provided some of the best back in forth I've ever seen after the US and England finished their second games. McManaman just got done explaining what he believed was wrong with England. Lalas's deadpan response, "How about this: they're just not very good."
Once he said it, you could see a rush of energy flow through him. Every possible chance he got, he voiced how little he thought of the English team. As I type this on Monday night, he has made at least one jab at the English every day, even after both the US and England had been eliminated.

But here's what I came here to talk about. I was reading an article about athletes turned musicians. At the end of the article, they ran another side article with a long list of athletes who have released an album. And who do I see? No other than Alexi Lalas, who sold a surprising 2,000 units in 1998, with his pop rock album, aptly titled Ginger.
I had to check this out. So I headed over to Amazon and saw that it was going for one cent plus shipping for a used copy and $1.27 new. I had a decision to make. Do I pay the three dollars for this used album or download it? I'm ashamed to say I downloaded, but you can't really blame me. Despite my new found adoration for the man's commentary, I couldn't muster up the courage to spend three dollars on a CD I figured I'd Frisbee out the window after one listen.
Let me say this, in all seriousness, the album is good. I repeat, if you're into nineties pop this is a good album. Play this for a fan of the genre and they wouldn't be able to tell it's by a soccer player. Lalas displays some good guitar work and vocals, which sound nothing like he does on ESPN. There's a few good hooks on this album that I've found myself repeating, just as any good pop album will do to you.
As of now, my favorite is the album's closer "Half A Chance", a legitimately well written song. Other gems are "Gemini," (no pun intended), "This Should Be," and the surprisingly good acoustic number "Vacancy." I'd link up these songs, but apparently no one else shares the enthusiasm for this album that I do. At least not enough to post the songs on YouTube.
So if you're bored, take a fly on this album. If you're into the genre and keep an open mind, it's not bad at all. The same cannot be said of England's World Cup performance.  

My Favorite Sports Hair Part 3 (Diego Maradona)

In honor of the World Cup, today's selection goes to former Argentianian soccer great and current manager of the Argentina's national team. There's something to be said about a man standing on the sideline's who looks like he can have you whacked if you blow a few more scoring opportunities. Lionel Messi, I'm talking to you.
Maradona is probably the most interesting athletic figure most Americans have never heard of. He's one of the greatest soccer players of all time, some would say the greatest. He led the Argentinian national team to a 1986 World Cup victory. Along the way, he scored both goals in a dramatic 2-1 quarterfinal win over England. And get this, the names given to those goals are "The Hand of God," and "The Goal of the Century." I challenge you to not live an interesting life with accomplishments carrying those lofty titles.
Maradona is an avid supporter of Fidel Castro, and "hates everything that comes from the United States." He also has a tattoo of Che Guevara on his arm.

If that's not good enough, he was addicted to cocaine for the better part of ten years, and his weight ballooned because of it. By the year 2000 he bared a striking resemblance to Pablo Escobar. Since drug addiction and dying because of weight related issues wouldn't be dramatic enough, Maradona chose to get his stomach stapled in 2005 and managed to kick his cocaine addiction.
That brings us to the 2010 World Cup, where Maradona's sideline reactions and overall demeanor bring some much needed excitement to the game. Every ball that went out of bounds to his sideline he managed to grab, ready to throw in on his own terms. I'm fully convinced that he would sub himself in if he could.
Through it all, the cocaine, weight gain and loss, and political fervor, Maradona has managed to keep a perfect head of hair. Just as full and curly as ever, and now slicked back for emphasis. It's hard to imagine his issues over the years having no effect on that hair. His hairline isn't even receding for God's sake. Is there no stress in this man's life?
Let me know your secret Maradona, as long as that secret doesn't involve me spending 3-9 years in prison.

My Favorite Sports Hair Part 2 (Brandon Jennings)

Recovering from 3rd degree sunburns and waiting to see if I have any pictures worth uploading, I'm going to hold off until tomorrow to write about the Cubs-Pirates game I attended on Sunday. Until then, here's the second installment of my favorite sports hair.

The first time I saw Brandon Jennings was during the 2008 McDonald's All-American game. Admittedly, I don't follow high school basketball, if I had, I would have known this was the most highly acclaimed player of the upcoming college freshman class. If you're interested, head over to Wikipedia and take a look at all the honors he received throughout high school, it's a list as long as Michael Irving's criminal record.

But since I didn't know all this and just assumed he was a one of 24 really good high school players, his high top fade was by far the most impressive thing I saw all game. The McDonald's All-American game is pretty similar to the NBA All-Star game, a lot of unnecessary dribbling, throwing of lobs, 360 dunks, and little defense. You see the same moves every year, but it isn't every year that someone brings back 80s fashion.

Being the fan of late 80s Hip-Hop that I am, I couldn't help but be reminded of Kid from Kid 'N Play, and was secretly hoping that after a made three pointer, Jennings and Greg Monroe would get together at half court and start tapping feet.

The great thing about Jennings his wide array of hair styles. This season he's sported everything from the high top fade, to the gumby (quite possibly the most underrated hair style ever), to twists, to some sort of died mohawk. The not so great thing about Jennings is his shooting percentage (.371).

Even so, Jennings is an exciting player that I really love to watch. He scored 55 points in a game this year, jawed Kevin Garnett heading back into the tunnel after a 86-84 home win over Boston, and apparently has a really active Twitter page with a bunch of followers. None of this however is more exciting than waiting to see which hairstyle he comes up with next.

My Favorite Sports Hair Part 1 (Joakim Noah)

Part 1 of this neverending installment is admittedly a homer pick. There's nothing spectacular about Joakim's hair, it's really just a longer version of Anderson Varejao's. Joakim's hair is so great because of the way he uses it. It's like a 6th man out there. It gets in opponent's eyes while they try to grab a rebound, causing them to commit silly fouls. It frustrates opposing fans to point that they expend their energy on booing the hair rather than pay attention to what's actually going on in the game.

Little known fact, former Bulls coach Vinny Del Negro was known to become so entranced by the swaying of Joakim's hair that he would completely forget that Derrick Rose was on the bench during a crucial moment of the game.

I have a theory about Joakim's hair that I have to admit is a bit far fetched. I think he was created in a laboratory for the specific purpose of attracting more female fans to the NBA, because let's be honest, even women don't watch the WNBA. If you haven't tried this, you must once the Bulls season starts up next year. Pull your wife or girlfriend into the room as you're watching the game. Don't make it obvious that you want her to take a look at the screen. Talk to her about her day and then say "Oooh," like an exciting play just happened. She will inevitabley look to see what you were ooohing and aaahing about and will notice Joakim's hair. She will inquire who that player is and proceed to tell you how jealous she is. "He has such nice hair," she will say. "So full and curly." Even though she doesn't know what a personal foul is, she will continue to watch the game for at least five more minutes to see how that hair reacts to prolonged running and banging in the paint.

The best and most underrated part about Joakim's hair is his terrible timing when choosing to retie it into a ponytail. This will always happen at the end of the game, Bulls call a timeout, down by 1, 8 seconds left on the clock. The team gathers in a huddle while the assistants draw up the play for Vinny to call. The players intently watch the play being drawn up while Joakim unties his hair, letting it fall over his shoulder. He then shakes it around like a shampoo commercial before pulling it back into a ponytail. This image during crunchtime is most likely the last thing you want to see knowing that the ball could be in his hands very soon.

Stay tuned for part 2, which may be another homer pick, depends how I'm feeling.